AIBU to ask you which positive things you associate which manliness

[Flyingfish2019]

Have you seen the Gillette commercial everybody is talking about? The one which list a number of negative things associated with manliness such as violence or sexual harrasment. I do not think they are wrong. Unfortunately there are menlike this but

What are the positive things you associate with manliness.

I think of
-protectiveness
-self-sacrifice
-loyality
-stoicism
-being a hard worker discipline

Not saying that women cannot have that traits. A lot of us do... but all of that are connected to a traditional male role and are positive in my mind... and with that I do not wasn’t to say that a woman traditionally could not have those virtues.

sorry about the typos, got far too excited thinking of ginger beards.

I know a man with a ginger beard and he is SINGLE!!!

Ffs. So men are more self sacrificing typically than women. Let’s just ponder that a little.

I’m not saying anything.

I have my own ginger beard man. He's not that strong and his garage is a shit tip.

Thanks Flyingfish2019, I can totally imagine the guy I'm thinking of doing that. I thought it was just a him thing!!

men work long hours in a job they do not like very much do that their families can have a nice life... I think men are more likely to act that way then women

This is a joke, right? You're making a sweeping generalisation that's grossly offensive.

This whole thread makes my feet itchy. Some of these attitudes belong in the sexist adverts of the 1950s.

@Ultramic A lot of men I know do. All? No.... but just judging by the people I know there are very few men who study history of the art and hope they will find somebody to pay for their upkeep.

So the only women you know study arts and wait to marry a man to provide for them? And most of the men you know work a job they hate to provide for their wives?

You live on a different planet. Seriously.

Giving me a bear hug
Lifting heavy things
Fixing my car/gas boiler/roof/electrics - anything actually
giving me a piggy back when I sprained my ankle
Helping me sort out IT issues

I think your outdated and offensive opinions have more to do with your circle of friends than any basis in reality whatsoever.

@Ultramic I never said most women do it. I said I know rarely any man who did it... because many men choose careers which allow them to provide for a family.

Protectiveness, strength, self sacrifice, emotional support...

And to everyone getting in a twist about gender roles YES I KNOW WOMEN CAN POSSESS THESE QUALITIES TOO. That doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to associate them masculinity.

@Ultramic I never said most women do it. I said I know rarely any man who did it... because many men choose careers which allow them to provide for a family

Many women choose careers which allow them to provide for a family too. It’s just that they are self-sacrificing enough to put said career on hold to provide practical care for their family instead of money.

To give an example: lots of men work long hours in a job they do not like very much do that their families can have a nice life...If course there are women like that too... but to be very honest... just thinking of the people I know... I think men are more likely to act that way then women.

Hi. I worked on construction sites for years.

I never once saw someone having to work on construction sites and sign in using their penis.

They never used a penis to work the heavy plant that was used, or the lighter power tools.

Nobody needed a penis to get on site at 6am to be there for the first concrete pour of the day, not used their penis to leave site and lock up when they were the last on site.

I know this because I didn't have a penis and yet, still managed long days [with the manly men] and I don't even have my own penis.

Imagine that!!!

flyingfish2019 I would ask for his details but i don't think DH would be impressed. He is aware of my ginger beard love but refuses to dye his

ByGaslight

your description of your dad is just lovely.

Many of the things I love about my dh are because he DOESN'T conform to any macho stereotypes. He doesn't fit with any standard definietion of manly. He isn't even very 'manly' looking.

Things like, I used to visit my Granny in a nursing home. Smelly, boring, she could hardly talk, not easy at all (but she could still understand everything, if she could hear it, as she wad deaf). He had only met her AFTER she had her stroke. But he took it for granted that he could come, chat to her, make a difference, care for her, just as much as I could, this old lady stranger huddled in a wheelchair.

He is passionately not interested in flashy cars or football, and likes a good conversation.
He is the most egalitarian person I know.

So, not really sure where manliness comes into it.

He is a good human being

I hasten to add that I am not comparing dh to a woman's behaviour, but to the manly stereotype, which I think it rubbish

What do I associate with manliness.

Controversial I know but I am going to say........ a penis.

I see this thread has turned to shit already. Good try OP.

Hard working
Ambitious in some way or has a passion for something
Strength but not over displays of strength, just knowing he can lift heavy things, could physically protect you at least to some extent.
Liking to explain things (although this can descend into manslpaining which is not good)
Self confidence
Being in control of his emotions most of the time
The gentleness juxtaposed by knowing they are physically strong
That sort of moody dreamy incomprehensible soulfull quality some men have
The way some of them smell
The way they look at you and their eyes get dark sometimes
That they have this childlike quality to them (again this can sometimes end up being a bad thing) that again juxtaposes with physical strength

And personally I have a thing about mens forearms and wrists and large hands... i love it when actors/singers/models do that sexy photo shoot pose with their arms up around their head

I have sons. I admire ds1 for his independent can do attitude; when he gets a puncture two miles from home he wheels his bike home and fixes the problem rather than expecting me to rescue him. I love how protective he is of me, how when I became a single parent he took over the “man jobs”, the lifting, fetching, carrying, the wheelie bin moving, and the lawn mowing. But I love ds2 for his gentler character, his kindness, generosity, and empathy. He may not have the traditional masculine traits, but he will be a fantastic husband and father one day. And I’m proud of the way they both treat women. It’s hard for young guys these days.

There's nothing inherently manly or inherently womanly. Good characteristics for anyone are kindness, sincerity, honesty, consideration, lack of greed.

There are so many threads in AIBU about men who work all day (such ambition!) and don't pull their weight at home or with their children (such passion for work to the exclusion of everything else! what a provider!). Nothing will change until we recognise that being able to calm a baby, cook a tasty and healthy meal and keep the washing pile under control can also be manly traits.

Dh works hard, cleans the house, can cook, irons and plays with the kids... why not?

But if I had to choose between a lazy husband who can cook and ahardworking who cannot cook I would choose the hardworking one.

I disagree boomfloom I dont think everything needs to come under the banner of masculine to be of value. I think the problem is that many men and wo en look down on traditionally feminine qualities and dont value them as highly as traditional masculine qualities. I dont think you solve that by trying to rebrand femininity as masculinity doesn't that just cover up the problem? Because whatever next thing that becomes associated with women will become devalued instead... I think the issue is in getting people to accept that all people are a mixture of feminine and masculine qualities and that neither is better or more important than the other. That having traditional feminine qualities does not take away from the fact you are a man and vice versa.