It's 2019. WHY are men still doing this?!

[GunpowderGelatine]

My colleague today was emailing a man working for a charity about a draft policy that we're forming for the organisation. To avoid outing, I'll be purposefully vague - it's a policy about an issue that affects only women and he was a number of people asked in a professional capacity to review it and feed back.

He replied to my colleague, not about the policy, it was never even mentioned, but to say "I like your picture". She was confused, and replied to say sorry there should not have been a picture attached just a draft policy, and mentioned something else work related that she forgot to mention earlier.

This bloke (in his 60s) then replied with a picture taken from my colleagues Facebook profile from ten years ago, dressed up in a "sexy nurse" type costume for a hen do. He must have looked for her on Facebook and trawled her profile pictures to find it. He said in this email "well this is interesting" followed by a winky face.

She's disengaged and lodged a formal complaint but he's well liked and established so who knows if anything will happen.

When is this kind of behaviour going to stop? After #metoo how can men possibly think this is OK? What kind of response do they expect? I'm furious for my colleague, no one should have to put up with this shit.

PoliticalBiscuit was being ironic - at least that's how I interpreted their posts.

Not sure his age is important.

Surfingtheweb from the last line I took it as they were joking

Just rubbish that any man thinks this behaviour is acceptable any longer. Another vote to get your Facebook settings sorted!

I think there's a generation of men who still feel it's acceptable to act like this. I work in hospitality in a very "nice" place - afternoon teas, proper china, everything very correct. I'm in my forties and no beauty but I have 70 year old men making lewd comments and inviting me to go for a lie down with them after dinner. It's like Benny Hill never died. Of course, as they're guests I have to smile politely then go back of house and swear a bit. Fucking dinosaurs.

@Bezalelle

What is this "...trying to BE women so that they can damage and threaten us even more."

And nobody else picked up on this blanket slur on transgender people.

So racism, ageism, etc, is not on but you can say what you like about transgender people and get away with it!

He’s an idiot. Totally unprofessional. His age IS relevant. Why does he think he would be attractive to the colleague? If he were young and gorgeous, even then he’s pushing his luck. Obviously it’s outrageous regardless.

Horrible and creepy, but she should be more on the ball with her privacy settings.

So racism, ageism, etc, is not on but you can say what you like about transgender people and get away with it!

Why would you interpret that as a slur on transgender people?
I'm a man, I don't see her dig as a slur at all men. She is highlighting SOME of the things that SOME men will do. It's a slur on those individuals who do the things she's listed.

Some black people are nasty, some lesbians are vain - it's not racism or homophobia to say that, nor is it sexist to say 'men kill children'. She's not saying all men. She's not saying all trans. At least that's my interpretation of their post.

He’s an idiot. Totally unprofessional. His age IS relevant. Why does he think he would be attractive to the colleague? If he were young and gorgeous, even then he’s pushing his luck. Obviously it’s outrageous regardless.

Erm, are you arguing against your own point here?

1. It doesn't matter how handsome or not he is
2. His age doesn't matter either

It's not about whether she would fancy him or not - it's about trawling Social Media and inappropriate work behaviour.

I hope she files a formal grievance about his twattish, sexually demeaning behaviour.

Ugh. So creepy it's making me want to go lock down my fb sone more!

Surfing, I read Biscuit’s posts as a parody of the DM-type knee jerk reaction to anything that requires men to not behave like disgusting, dehumanising sexist jerks. Not their actual opinion The last line gave it away...

Sorry, I really had thought my post had been odious enough as to be clear I was attempting to explain that it is really indefensible to do as he did. But if he did try and defend it - it would sound exactly like that and as gross and creepy.

"WHY are men still doing this?!"

Because, you women can't take a compliment innit? Can't even say "nice tits" without offending someone. How is telling someone they have nice breasts, a bad thing?

To those saying she should have locked down her Facebook, it is my understanding that all current and previous profile/cover pictures are defaulted to "public" and can therefore be searched for and found.

I think there are workarounds, but these are not particularly straightforward.

Only my current photo and cover are public, no idea why the rest are not, but they're not.

I need to check my previous profile/cover pictures to see their status. I just Googled "are profile pictures public" and that was the info that came up.

Wtf..? That's absolutely disgusting. No grey area here, hope he gets in big trouble for that.

Deeply creepy. Should result in dismissal.

So he stalked her Facebook account photos and replied inappropriately in a work context?!! That’s shocking!

To those saying she should have locked down her Facebook, it is my understanding that all current and previous profile/cover pictures are defaulted to "public" and can therefore be searched for and found.

You can go to Facebook on desktop and then click on each photo and change the settings there, it’s quite easy. You can also blanket review your settings to make sure that only your friends can see any images you’re tagged in.

It’s a problem if someone else has an open profile whereby all photos default to public, but, again, you can set it so you’re not found even on someone else’s

My thought I that I would copy this email to your boss who is his boss presumably. I would also make his email public to other colleagues so they realise what a creepy stalker he is. Horrible!

She hasn't adjusted her privacy setting because if it does go to a complaint she doesn't want him saying "look her profiles locked down how could I have possibly for the picture from there" IYSWIM

It's not Oxfam he works for, it is a national charity though and the subject of the policy is around women's reproductive organs. Which just makes me feel even more sick that this creep has a day in services women will get.

My colleague is ok but very upset and angry. She's more worried that it will be ignored and he'll get to stay in the steering group this is why I personally firmly believe that women should only sit on working groups regarding sensitive issues around female bodies.

Did anyone see "Is this sexual harrasment"?
It's worth a look on iPlayer or similar, I
Watched it last night with Ds1 ( 19) and Dd2 (16). Provoked a lot of debate. V good.

What a creep.