It's 2019. WHY are men still doing this?!

[GunpowderGelatine]

My colleague today was emailing a man working for a charity about a draft policy that we're forming for the organisation. To avoid outing, I'll be purposefully vague - it's a policy about an issue that affects only women and he was a number of people asked in a professional capacity to review it and feed back.

He replied to my colleague, not about the policy, it was never even mentioned, but to say "I like your picture". She was confused, and replied to say sorry there should not have been a picture attached just a draft policy, and mentioned something else work related that she forgot to mention earlier.

This bloke (in his 60s) then replied with a picture taken from my colleagues Facebook profile from ten years ago, dressed up in a "sexy nurse" type costume for a hen do. He must have looked for her on Facebook and trawled her profile pictures to find it. He said in this email "well this is interesting" followed by a winky face.

She's disengaged and lodged a formal complaint but he's well liked and established so who knows if anything will happen.

When is this kind of behaviour going to stop? After #metoo how can men possibly think this is OK? What kind of response do they expect? I'm furious for my colleague, no one should have to put up with this shit.

He/she was being ironic (Biscuit)

She should also put in a grievance against him if she hasn't done that already. Then they will have to follow due process.

Well, she obviously hurt his masculinity by producing a great piece of work, so he felt the need to put her back into her place.

There is nothing wrong with having silly/sexy pictures of yourself on your personal facebook page. I really dislike the idea that your employers 'own' you and that what you do in your free time is any of their business.

Agreed. But don’t make them publically available.

But also, why on earth do people put so much information on social media? Naughty nurse photos from 10 years ago shouldn’t be publically available!

Mebbes she though it was locked down and it's not?

Mebbes she forgot that photo was still there?

Mebbes she just never dreamed that a professional contact would do such a thing?

There is no reason why they shouldn't be public - other than other people misinterpreting them - which is essentially the other people's fault.

Perhaps the only rational reason to keep them private is to compensate for other people.

It totally still happens. I am mid forties, fat, normal, really not hot but after the Christmas party at work I received instant messages from men along these lines

There is nothing wrong with having silly/sexy pictures of yourself on your personal facebook page. I really dislike the idea that your employers 'own' you and that what you do in your free time is any of their business.

Agreed. But don’t make them publically available

^This

Yuk, gross. What a complete creep. She should also complain to the charity if she can.

There is nothing wrong with having silly/sexy pictures of yourself on your personal facebook page. I really dislike the idea that your employers 'own' you and that what you do in your free time is any of their business.

Agreed. But don’t make them publically available

Maybe it's ok to be a woman who was once 23 and went on a hen do and wore whatever she liked and doesnt mind there being a picture on Facebook?

Fair enough if she wants a career in politics it might be wise to hide and it set stricter profile settings but who here would really give a tiny shiny shit to see a picture like of a woman they work with?

And it's not like she was advertising the fact, he trawled to find it.

It is creepy and weird.

But. There are creepy and weird people about. He did this because he is a weirdo. So I would not have the pictures public.

I would think most people wouldn’t expect someone to trawl through 10 years worth of your fb pics to find the sexy/silly ones from so long ago.

God I feel sick. Sorry this happened to you OP. I hope it gets sorted, and this creepy fuck gets sacked/reprimanded, and named and shamed!

Sorry, just realised it's your colleague! Sorry it happened to her!

She really needs to sort out of facebook settings.

But, he is fucking creepy. Is this a version of negging and she was suppose to smile coyly and say thanks with a tinkly little laugh?

Do these people not watch TV? If I was a man I'd be so scared of being charged with sexual harassment.

Aibu, my dh and myself bought what we thought was our dream home pre children. Now we have a 5yr old, i went pt in my job and work dh days off so we never really have any family time at all. Last xmas day i had to work, leaving my family that day was the hardest and i cried most of the shift. Since then ive become resentful of the situation we are in. I hate my job but earn good money, i would like to change my job but it means a cut in money and that would mean we couldnt afford to keep the house. I feel our family time is more precious than the bloody house but hubby is digging his heel in and refusing to move. I know we worked hard and saved our ass off to buy the house but i feel our life has changed and i want our son to have memories of how we were as a family, not that we lived in a nice house but mum and dad were never together. Aibu?

I might be wrong but was he trying to prove a point and undermine her, i.e imply she isn't a feminist if she has pics like that up? Or was he literally just being a creepy stalky weirdo and coming on to her? Either way, grim. I fucking hate this world sometimes.

I'm in my 60s. I remember The Benny Hill Show was very popular back in the day. Naughty nurses galore. He's channeling Benny Hill.....

Seriously, what a gross man. I hope the complaint is taken as far as it can go. Massively inappropriate behaviour.

Sorry ive written my own probs in this post, sorry for being a tit

@Lifeisnotsimple - can you start a new thread?

In answer to your question I feel moving house is incredibly expensive - with tax, moving fees, solicitors fees, estate agent fees and other expenses aren't you looking at £7k or so? Anyway, start a new thread your question will get lost in this one.

Why do they do it? Because they fucking can. And there will be more and more of it. I fucking despair.

Ugh

Has your colleague reviewed their privacy settings on FB recently, so that random people can't flick through their photos? Would be worth spending 5 mins doing this (Note - I am NOT victim blaming here, just that it's easy to forget how widely things on social media can be accessed)

I'm a man and I find it odd a suppose man his age did that what a cockwomble

@PoliticalBiscuit she's at work, doing her job & a man in his 60's looks up her social media , goes through her pictures & sends them to her... You really think that is ok? Seriously?