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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not tell my oh that I've flexed my hours?

104 replies

Kemer2018 · 17/01/2019 19:16

I'm fortunate that my boss has agreed condensing my pt hours from 4 into 3 days.
So I'll work Tue to Thur and have Monday and Friday off. Obviously, this will affect my annual leave so HR have been advised.
But when i told mr. I was considering changing days, he said "oh good, you can have my dinner on the table and do x y z on the Mondays if it is agreed".
I don't want to be told what to do, so I'm not telling him it's been agreed as of now.
AIBU?

OP posts:

PaintingOwls · 17/01/2019 21:34

YANBU

Crossfitgirl · 17/01/2019 21:34

@vivino 😂 picturing all those helpless men laying in the floor 😂😂

BlackCatSleeping · 17/01/2019 21:34

It sounds like the husband isn't doing much around the house. Everyone needs a break sometimes. So, the OP should have a bit of downtime too. It's essential for her mental health.

The husband needs to do more around the house in the evenings and at the weekends. I don't know any mums who opt out of family stuff in the evenings and weekends because they work, so I don't understand why so many dads feel they have a right to do so.

It's just all a bit sad that you feel the need to lie about this.

frazzledasarock · 17/01/2019 21:42

People wailing about the poor menz being slated of one jag posted this scenario, you realise condensed hours means same amount of working hours in fewer days right? OP is not dropping working hours or earning less than she currently does she’s working the same hours in fewer days. There shouldn’t be a pay cut.

MulticolourMophead · 17/01/2019 22:05

OP is not dropping working hours or earning less than she currently does she’s working the same hours in fewer days. There shouldn’t be a pay cut.

Of course there shouldn't. I work condensed hours. I'm still working full time, but my hours are squeezed into 4 days a week and not 5. My salary is still the same FT one.

It affects my leave in that the number of days I have as a FT get converted into hours at the rate of a standard day. If I take a day off now, I take the number of hours/mins I actually work, eg say 8.5 hours instead of 7.5 hours I'd have been working if I had a normal pattern. I don't lose out.

Puggles123 · 17/01/2019 22:17

You should tell him, lying is never good and you don’t want to be worrying every Monday that he might pop back or something; but explain as you have done on here that this doesn’t mean you will be waiting on him hand and foot!

gamerwidow · 18/01/2019 08:07

As other PPs have said you might get your holiday in hours now but you won’t get less.
Usually for part time and flexible workers AL and bank holiday days are added together and converted to hours then made pro-rata based on % of FT hours worked.
If your normal working day falls on a bank holiday you have to take that out of your pro rata leave but if falls in a non working day you keep the leave.
So because you don’t work Mondays and Fridays you’ll end up being able to take most of your bank holiday entitlement on a different day so even more days off than before.

DaedricLordSlayer · 18/01/2019 08:10

you sound like you like making drama where there is non. You have already said your DH was joking. So why all the resentment and sneaking about?

My DH would probably say the same as a joke.

If you are not happy already with how chores are divided, then TALK about it with him. If you don't think you can talk to him without him getting arsey, then you have to look harder at what you want out of the relationship, and if you are happy in it.

Going about lying and hiding things from your partner is a recipie for disaster. I would completely flip my lid if a OH did that to me.

Laureline · 18/01/2019 17:23

I think your DP and you really need to have an honest discussion about chores and housework - this will poison your relationship otherwise.

Your DP needs to pull his weight. But don’t lie, he’ll find out and then it will be impossible to have a discussion about fair division of labour at home.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/01/2019 17:24

Why do you have to lie to him? Just grow a backbone and tell him you're not his slave and you're not chained to the kitchen sink.

blackteasplease · 18/01/2019 17:27

Tell him the truth and say not to his list of jobs.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/01/2019 17:31

You cook 6 night out of 7 so I'd Monday his one night to cook?

Just tell him what you've done and say you now want him to cook on X day instead.

Sury if you've condensed then your other days are longer so he may need to dinner a few nights any way?

Boysandbuses · 18/01/2019 17:37

boysansbusesthat's nonsense the op isn't reducing her total working hours so her leisure time will remain exactly as before.

What's hours got to Do with it? She will be still working shorter days than he will.

I still think a man reducing his working days or hours would be called all sorts if he wasn't picking up extra work at home.

Traveler001 · 18/01/2019 17:40

What extra work at home can she pick up? She already does it all.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/01/2019 17:48

Tbh OP you're in a relationship where you're contemplating lying to s iud your partners controlling behaviour and he has o interest in his own child. I think you have bigger issues

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2019 10:18

"What's hours got to Do with it? She will be still working shorter days than he will. "

So if someone worked nights, would they be expected to work during the day at the time when they should be sleeping after working the night because they're at home?

She's working longer days so the day 'off' is not really a day off, it's time to recuperate.

Imagine, if you changed your working day from 9-5 to 6-3. If when your working day finished at 5, you did housework from 6-8, when your working day finishes at 3, your housework might be from 4-6, not 4-8 because you will need to go to bed earlier.

Angrybird345 · 19/01/2019 10:33

Are you reducing your hours or doing longer but fewer days?

Your relationship is a bit crap if you ned to hide this. It will come out eventually - booking holidays, pension arrangements etc. Why on earth would you hide it.

SkySmiler · 19/01/2019 10:54

You've got bigger problems than fibbing about a few hours of work...

RedSkyLastNight · 19/01/2019 11:19

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the usual MN mantra of "equal leisure time". If OP has a whole day off to do what she wants, does DH have equal time off?

TheBigBangRocks · 19/01/2019 11:24

Redsky, that's only when the man is having leisure time. Doesn't seem to work the other way round on MN.

ForalltheSaints · 19/01/2019 11:26

Two wrongs don't make a right, and if you needed to be contacted in the event of emergency, could you be?

BlackCatSleeping · 19/01/2019 11:30

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the usual MN mantra of "equal leisure time". If OP has a whole day off to do what she wants, does DH have equal time off?

The OP has already said that he spends his weekends on the X box not helping with family life. I would count that as leisure time.

If the OP currently spends her weekends taking care of the kids, then where is her leisure time at the moment?

BlackCatSleeping · 19/01/2019 11:31

Sorry, nights on the X box and weekends fishing.

Sounds like he has plenty of leisure time.

SilverBirchTree · 19/01/2019 11:48

You post is ostensibly about your working hours but actually about something else.

How is your marriage?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2019 12:01

"Are you reducing your hours or doing longer but fewer days?"

She's made it completely clear she's not reducing her hours.

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