Aibu to say that boys are slower at hitting milestones

[thegrassisgreenifyouusefilters]

So my DS is 2.5 and recently he made friends with a girl exactly the same age. She's streets ahead with everything- talking clear sentences, toilet trained, doesn't nap, can use scissors etc.

I hadn't noticed any real difference development between DS and his other friends that are boys the same age. None of them talk much, just a few words here and there, all in nappies still, no real craft skills. So is the new girl friend a genius or are boys slower, and am I even allowed to say that these days ?

All those saying YABU are factually incorrect as evidence does suggest that boys are at a population level slower to meet certain milestones than girls. An individual boy may well be more advanced than an individual girl, but this proves nothing as a trend can still exist even with a significant amount of outliers.

I think it's more interesting to think about why girls on average hit milestones earlier than boys, is this biologically predetermined, a result of how we have socialised our children or a mix of both of these elements? Personally I think the latter and that denying that biology plays a part isn't particularly helpful. If we are saying the differences are all down to socialisation then does this mean that the parents of boys are ultimately responsible for boys being slower to meet their milestones?

From my own circle (which I accept isn’t scientific in any way) it’s down to the individual child and not the gender.

I agree that as a society we reinforce the stereotype about “boys will be boys” and “but he’s a boy”. I know I did when my son’s words didn’t come and he had the most horrific meltdowns and sleep pattern. Luckily the health visitor didn’t have the same view as me and recognised there was more to it and my son was later diagnosed with ASD and ADHD.

That’s not to say that there is anything “wrong” with your DS by the way OP. Only that gender stereotypes aren’t helpful. Your child is your child.

My DS was slower at most things than DD. Their cousins were similar. But I wouldn’t like to generalise and say all boys are, it’s the child.

not sure if it's been mentioned but order of birth makes a difference.
first born male will probably be more chatty than a middle or third child because of the 1-1 time with the parents.
i think it's fairly well documented that girls do speak earlier and communicate better due to the shape of their eyes being more "pleasing" so their cooing noises are more reinforced from an earlier age.
i've never had difficulty toilet training a boy or a girl but i certainly wouldn't wait till 2.5 or 3. i'm in the 18 month to two year camp to get that stuff sorted (which is old fashioned and not in favor).

Ds (DC1) had full sentences by 15m, never had any confusion about his pronouns or prepersitions. Also sat at 5m, crawled at 6m and walked before 11m. Dd was much more typical, but definately had sentences at 2.5. Can you give us some examples of your DS's speech ?

No my eldest (boy) hit his milestones really early and my youngest (girl) was the latest with everything apart from sleeping through....I think thats the problem she likes sleeping!

Whenever I worry about DS' development my mums says "buts he's a boy."
I would be asking your mum to stop making this kind of sexist comment.

Apparently boys walk slightly earlier on average.

However, differences among boys or among girls are always going to be much greater than differences between boys as a group vs girls as a group.

Boys and girls brains are wired differently so reach milestones in different areas at different times, neither as slow at other areas they just concentrate on others more first.

Milestones are only guides, children reach them in their own time in their own way, if you look at EYFS guides you’ll see how big the age gaps are for them to be achieving certain things.

My DS is hitting milestones a year above his age, talks in sentences, knows his colours and numbers, understands and communicates. Walked at 8mo. His two closest girl friends can say hi bye mum and two word commands and that’s about it.
It all depends on the child.

My ds is also 2.5years and has always been very ahead of his milestones. Crawling at 5.5months and walking at 10months. Now he speaks in full sentences, counts till 25, great fine and gross motor skills, knows about 20 colours, knows the days of the week and months of the year Etc. I would say that it's very child dependent.

I know it's not a very popular view on here but he attends a Montessori and I have seen the difference in him vs other kids we know around his age.

If it helps .. my son who is now 18 was slower at everything than my daughter .. took him ages to get out of nappies .. howled like a banshee when I left him at playgroup .. and he's off to uni next year, is very clever and funny !! .. don't stress about craft skills .. craft is a massive pain in the arse !!!! ( lighthearted craft remark before I get shot by the crafters .... I'm just shit at making stuff)

I think that a lot of physical/speech milestones are massively built upon during play, and it's proven that the way we play with children is generally gendered. The girls I know tend to have lots of small world type play sets, tea party sets, play kitchens and the boys have cars, trains, bikes etc. That's down to parents choosing to buy only the 'correct' toys for their gender. The girls are playing games which encourage language development and boys are playing with things that don't allow for much conversation/discussion. People often seem under the impression their boys need more exercise/time to burn off steam outside, which is again a stereotype we reinforce. I think if there was a less gendered focus on types of play the achievement of milestones would even out over the boy/girl divide. There will always be individual outliers, but over a general population I don't believe there is that much real difference between an average 2 year old boy and a 2 year old girl.

Read Gary Wilson How to get yours boys to succeed, all this anecdotal talking is pointless, what's the point in stating "my son did that, my daughter did this" you need to ask yourself why, and if you're a mum of a boy you feel is behind, ask yourself why and what you can do, saying "he's a boy" will not help his development!

Yes evidence shows statistically boys talk later, it also shows WE are the reason for it, it is NOT biologically determined, so let's work on it, yes?

I bought this book ‘parenting boys’ or something like that as my DS has been more troublesome than my DD was.
I gave up after a page or so - it was making me so angry!’n

I would say yes. I have been a nanny for 12 years and I would say boys can be slower than girls. Not always though and depending if they have an older sibling as that plays a huge part! But don't worry they all level out :)

I would also agree with the fact we DO treat boys and girls differently and was just having a conversation with a friend about this yesterday!

The earliest talker in my NCT group was a boy who was talking in full sentences at 19 months. The earliest walker was 9 month girl, but ds was 10 months walking while the early talker was still crawling months later.

The difference i noticed between my dc was that while DS couldnt do something one day , he was an expert the next ie no crawling or but straight to walking at 10 months. 2 days before his second birthday he swallowed a dictionary overnight and woke up spouting new words all day long. It was like he was practising internally before he dared to actually do it. The developmental leaps were usually preceded by 2 weeks of grisliness and was probably frustrated,

DD would do things gradually ie a few new words a day or week , went from crawling to walking at 13 months etc, but none of the cant do it one day/expert the next.
Userme
It was nothing we did, it was their personalities. As adults i can still se e it now. DD is very determined when she has a goal and strides off in front trying to sort things out before she really knows what she is doing.
DS prevaricates until he knows what and how to do it.

Child development is measured between two and 2.5 and the results are reported. They are starting to show evidence of a gap between boys and girls, particularly in communication skills.

"
Today 07:39 Tumbleweed101

Boys and girls brains are wired differently"
In what way?

My DS has vehicles but also a farm, a playkitchen with foods, tea sets, happyland shops, police station, playmobil zoo, musical instruments, Duplo. But 95% of the time he will pick the vehicles or build vehicles. I can work in animals or people to save from a fire with his fire engine, but let him pick and he will drive cars around the carpet. So I guess that's the reason why toys are gendered. His toys up to about 2 where very neutral but he just started getting into cars big time.

@UserMe18 I will check out that book, always interested. Thanks

@hopefulhalf DS says things like "I get it." Or "blue truck" and points, but he is generally a quiet soul and a bit shy. Watching him and a few other boys we know from NCT, I noticed none of them say much at all. So maybe it's our slack parenting as a group

Boys are generally a bit slower with language development (and things that go with that) and with potty training (maybe because of the language or because it’s less uncomfortable for them). But I don’t think that the difference is so marked thatboys have different targets altogether

My nephew 3rd child is crawling and standing at 7 months so not sure about that. Besides is it a competition?

I have 4 boys, and they did stuff when they did it 3 walked at a year, one at 19 months. 2 were great talkers young and 2 weren’t. I didn’t compare them with other kids or each other, obviously if there was a significant delay that needs input I would seek help - my ds3 walking at 19 months was due to hyperrmobility and he got there eventually and you’d never know now. My view was that as long as they could do all the things they were meant to by 4/5 I was happy.