To TTC when considering divorce?

[LovesHisMummyReally]

I know it might sound counterintuitive but hear me out. We have struggled the last two years, usual drifting apart due to strain of parenting and demanding jobs, yadda yadda. I just don't see us lasting the course. But I am tempted to carry on ttc as my main driver is for DS to have the companionship of a sibling. And to me this seems especially important if the poor baby does end up being a child of a single parent/joint custody relationship, as he would feel less isolated (maybe). Or is this just totally unfair on future DC2?

I am confused, JinglingHellsBells. I am supposed to be trying to fix my marriage but not having sex? And at which point did I say he was a bad parent?

Bog off to another thread with your ranting.

A child needs two parents more than he needs a sibling. Work on your relationship. Do not put more strain on it by having another child. A child can still feel
Lonely with a sibling

Look, you came here asking for 'advice'.
You need to accept you will get some advice that is hard to take, perhaps.

@Ragwort made the comment he was a bad parent.

A dad who spends his time doing what YOU described- vacant, bad tempered, on social media a lot- does not sound like a great parent.

Okay, you might not think your child notices, but they will. And they will be picking up the tension between you both.

If you think having sex is a way to make your marriage better when your DH treats you and behaves as he does , God help you.

Do whatever you want.
You don't want 'advice'.

I had a child after I had split with my child's dad. My oldest wanted a sibling and I wanted another child and I thought it couldn't make a bad situation worse.

I was fucking stupid. If I could go back in time I would not do it again as much as I love my youngest it has not been a good situation.

Don't do it!!!

There's a lot of great advice on here which I appreciate.

Also, there is ranting.

Madness.

I would seriously work on trying to save your marriage. The stress of a new baby on top of a divorce won't e the best for DS.

I'll never have another child just to give your son a sibling. If you end up on your own 2 kids are going to grow up without their parents being together.
You are bringing a child to a home in turmoil
We have one son and we still together. Children deserve the best you can give them.

It is AIBU!
But someone's idea of ranting is often just plain speaking.
No one is ranting at you.
Unpalletable comments perhaps.
And you have drip fed- page 4 before you even said what your DH was like.

I've been flipping back and forth. At 37 I probably wouldn't want to be starting out again. But considering your further update about your DH, frankly he sounds like a crap husband and a crap parent.

Have you thought about sperm donation?

As an only child, I have a lifelong resentment that people feel the need to 'fix my lonely status' by having siblings. I have quite a few only child friends and they are all smart, mature, independent individuals.

In my experience people often have two or more because there's an element of " Oh, could you only have one? How tragic..." underlying the perception of only child families. So the second child is seen as ' completing' the family in a chocolate box "Nothing to see here!" kind of way.

You were considering a second child when your marriage was in a better place than it is now. To continue with that would be madness.

My parents separated when I was six - as far as I can work out from talking to adults who were exchanged between two households as children's, most of them resented it, preferred one parent to the other, happily played mum off against dad, played favourites and ABSOLUTELY KNEW what their parents were doing when they started the "So, did you have a good time with your Dad?" Type conversations.

Plus if you divorce, you will both inevitably find new partners, and with that will come stepchildren. Yours and possibly theirs, given your age. Go on to the Step parents forum on MN and see how that works out a lot of the time.

You have one child who you both love and will do the best for. Please, for their sake, leave it at that.

Really dat idea, your wants coming before everything else.

You do realise there's nothing wrong with being an only child. May don't like their siblings, they end up with less attention, less money and time to go round etc.

I would say go for it. Your son will appreciate a full sibling both now and as an adult.

No!! Not a clever idea!! That’s just aiming to mess with another life essentially 🤦‍♀️

No. DC1 may put 2+2 together and come up with 5 which will involve him blaming his younger sibling for causing the break up of your marriage. This is a terrible idea.

Your DH may also feel tricked into being a sperm donor for DC2 which will cause more stress and money and he may resent the baby. Again, this is a terrible idea.

Being an only child is completely fine. I know a few who’s parents have given them a lovely life with lots of time and resources and they’ve worked hard to ensure the child has lots of friends and activities. I genuinely don’t understand what this fear of only children is. I’m NC with my own brother, so a sibling doesn’t always equal BFF in adulthood.

I guess those of us with really close, loving relationships with siblings perceive it as a plus and just want the same for our children. It is not meant as an insult to those who are only children themselves, who naturally advocate for the advantages they enjoyed growing up (eg, no hand-me-downs!).