Reaching out to colleague with depression- rejected

[nixworld]

I'm so worried. I was told at Christmas party that a colleague (who I don't know that well) hasn't been in the office for a while as he has been signed off with depression.It was an informal conversation. I've been thinking for a while, and I wanted to reach out to him and say- "I get it, I feel you, and if you ever need anything, please say" (I suffer from depression pretty badly myself).
He has now unfollowed me on Twitter and I can't send any messages.

I am terrified I've done something really bad, here. Was this appropriate? I know that in my darkest times a hand of support would have meant so much. Am I going to get in trouble with work? I'm so worried that I have been inappropriate.

Probably not. He may be concerned people are talking about him when he's not there. Or maybe he's pushing everyone away ATM. Who knows. Your intentions were pure, just have to sit with the uncertainty. I think you did a kind thing x

You did a kind thing but you SHOULD not have been told this. Its private info.

You did a kind thing.

Unfortunately there's still a lot of stigma around mental health issues. It sounds like you tried to do a kind thing, but it may have made him feel ashamed?

Also, I would feel annoyed if a colleague disclosed my health issues unless there was an urgent need to know. Presumably that should be confidential information?

Ah OP your hearts in a good place.

I can't see you getting in trouble though, you haven't done anything wrong. Some people go into themselves and dont really want people knowing, some people like support from others.

Just let it go, there's nothing much you can do.

@TenForward82- I know. That's what I'm freaking out about. I haven't said anything to anyone else, I wouldn't, I just wanted to reach out privately. This will teach me.

I'm just terrified there is going to be a problem at work with the person who told me. I can't even message him privately to apologise. Am freaking out here!

While your intention was kind. No, you shouldn't have done this. You found out through office gossip. You don't even really know him. I imagine this could have been upsetting for him.

How did you know he was off with depression? Unless he told you himself, you shouldn’t have known.

If someone else told you, you need to be sure that you see his written permission for them to tell you - if he makes a complaint it will come in handy.

I think your heart was in the right place, but it was entirely inappropriate to do what you did.

Just to clarify op, did he tell you he was signed off for depression or did someone else? I think your heart is in the right place but it’s not really appropriate if someone else has told you the reason, normally people are just told they’re off sick but don’t go into why.
He might have been worried people in the office are talking about it, so removed you to remove himself from that potential stress.

Tbh although you meant it kindly, I'd be upset and thinking people were talking about me at work.
Especially as you don't know each other well.
Don't take it to heart, just learn from it and move on. 💐

When I was signed off. I got a few messages from work colleagues, it was nice but at the same time I knew that management had told them why I was off- which I felt was inappropriate even though we were a fairly close term in an informal office.

I wouldn’t worry though, your intentions were good.

Actually if you want to do him a kindness, you could report the person who told you. They should be held to account. Can you imagine how he must be feeling? You’re not even a close colleague!

Someone spread rumours and gossip about me when I was off sick and I tell you it was absolutely awful. It doesn’t matter whether you were trying to do the right thing or not, you shouldn’t have known and he must feel awful that everyone knows his business. I complained when it happened to me, and the perpetrator washauled over the coals - they’ll not be doing that again.

You meant well, but you shouldn’t have been told this, and shouldn’t have communicated to the colleague that the reason for his absence is being talked about.

Someone else told me. I suppose it was gossip. I didn't ask for it, I thought he was away on a work trip, the other person said- "He's not very well. Some depression."
Oh jesus, this is awful. I so only wanted to help.

It is hard to say if what you did was okay without more context. Is this person a friend of an acquaintance? Have they added/ accepted you as a contact on Twitter? Was it a private or public message? Have you ever spoken to them over Twitter before or was it a message out of the blue? Do they know you have depression? Do they know its common knowledge they’re signed off with depression or had they thought this was private?

I have depression and if a colleague I classed as a friend and had as a social media contact reached out to me to say they were thinking of me if I was signed off I would appreciate their support. However, I would be mortified and creeped out if a colleague I didn’t know well and had never contacted before had hinted down my social media profile and suddenly messaged me about something so private; An out-of-the-blue message would make me wonder how they knew why I was signed off and start thinking I was office gossip. I’d be worried they were only talking to me now when they never had before to get more gossip and think they were some sort of drama vulture. I would find it hard to have an aquiantance try to intrude into something so personal.

I know you meant it kindly but if I were him, i'd freak out too. This is why I never told anyone at work about having it, but I was lucky enough not to be signed off sick with it.

Whoever told you shouldn't have told you.

He doesn't know the intention behind the message, unless he also knows about your MH?

Whilst you were being kind, it's a bit intrusive, if you don't know him. However, it's done now, so not a lot you can do, as anything more will be digging a bigger hole.

Even though I realise your intentions were good, I'd have unfollowed you too. I would be mortified someone I didn't know well knew why I was off and I wouldnt see you as trustworthy because you said something about me that I hadn't told you myself.

Even if you just had messaged saying haven't seen you around, I still would have thought it was a bit strange. I don't confide in colleagues and would keep you at arms length

Just leave him be

Whoever told you had no business telling you that. I would have been mortified and horrified if anyone from work had messaged me when I was off with mental health difficulties.

I know you wanted to help, but I would step back and not try to do any more.

I think I would feel like it was a gross invasion of my privacy if someone I hardly knew contacted me to say they 'get it's and ask if I needed anything.

I guess to did it because this might have been what you needed in the same circumstance but that isn't respecting that everyone is different and some would feel like they had been made the object of your do-gooding sensibilities.

I suppose there won't be any fall out if the reason for his absence was common knowledge which he volunteered, otherwise there has been a great breach in trust somewhere.

Thanks everyone. I NEVER do stuff like this, but I've had some tweaks off my depression coming back recently and thinking about how hard it is, and how much I would appreciated a hand to reach out. I obviously got it wrong.

I am really, really scared this is going to be a problem at work. Should I do something? Talk to HR?

Bluntly, although you meant well, both you and a colleague have misued sensitive data about an employee.

Mental health information is (should be) every bit as private and confidential as physical health information. You wouldn't like it if you thought people were discussing your mental health behind your back, with people you "don't know that well", would you?

I sincerely hope that bloke is able to make a complaint about whoever at the company let the information out in the first place.

Don't do anything now. Just keep quiet and hope it doesn't bite you or colleague on the bum.