Reaching out to colleague with depression- rejected

[nixworld]

I'm so worried. I was told at Christmas party that a colleague (who I don't know that well) hasn't been in the office for a while as he has been signed off with depression.It was an informal conversation. I've been thinking for a while, and I wanted to reach out to him and say- "I get it, I feel you, and if you ever need anything, please say" (I suffer from depression pretty badly myself).
He has now unfollowed me on Twitter and I can't send any messages.

I am terrified I've done something really bad, here. Was this appropriate? I know that in my darkest times a hand of support would have meant so much. Am I going to get in trouble with work? I'm so worried that I have been inappropriate.

Hi, are you sure he has blocked you? The reason is that when I had MH problems I came off social media entirely as I didn’t want to speak to anyone

Do nothing, leave them alone and don't comment. Only in England. How do you think people become isolated and suicidal? Not at all what the young (sic) princes had in mind when they were drumming up business for Samaritans and other charities, but never gave a penny to any of them.
Years ago I was bullied at work and the poisonous atmosphere prevented anyone standing up for me, but one colleague just made a point of saying good morning and offering me a cup of tea each day. I swear she saved my mind. Another colleague lost her son, I didn't know her well but when she came back to work I just asked her how she was. She said I was the only person to mention what had happened. Unbelievable. And data protection is an arse

Obviously your heart is in the right place, but let this be a lesson learnt - office gossip is not going to help someone with depression - id hate the thought of colleagues talking about my mental illness.

I think you should wait and see if he says anything.

The main fault of this lies with whoever told you in the first place - total breach of confidentiality

Ypu don't get them. You don't feel them.

Your depression was your depression, theirs will be different than yours.

It was insensitive and ridiculous.

As said, now the person thinks everyone is gossiping about them.

A simple "how's things" etc would have been better. Or bringing up something in the News/how the Christmas party went/how was their Christmas etc.

You've believed what you have been told and assumed a lot.

I hope the person feels strong enough to complain about this, tbh.

I would just sit tight for now. I know you want to “fix” it, but there is truly nothing you can do right now. So just sit with the uncomfortable feelings for a bit. And be kind to yourself. Your intentions were pure

The intent was a lovely but this should have never been shared with you because it's extremely private. As much as depression and other mental illness have much greater levels of awareness than even a decade ago, a lot of people still see that that there is stigma attached to it and are embarrassed by it. There are also people, who are just private and don't want to share everything.

You are unlikely to get in trouble for this but the person, who shared this with you and whoever shared it with that person, absolutely should.

The one thing I'd advise you to do is not to share it with anyone else now. Just stay out of it unless the person in question reaches out to you.

I expect your colleague will realise that you meant well, but I don't think you should have approached him. I wouldn't report this to HR. I would just move on and learn from this

FGS, what were you thinking? You barely even know this person and "reached out" based solely on office gossip. How utterly inappropriate and mortifying for him.

You clearly meant very well, but you should never have been told that and the poor bloke is probably now thinking (rightly) that everyone in his workplace knows something that should be confidential. His reaction isn't surprising, but I get you meant well.

However kindly meant, you have overstepped boundaries on many levels - you barely know the colleague, you misused private and confidential information, and you used personal means to contact someone who was signed off sick. It was really inappropriate on your part and yes you should inform HR.

Do nothing, leave them alone and don't comment. Only in England. How do you think people become isolated and suicidal? Not at all what the young (sic) princes had in mind when they were drumming up business for Samaritans and other charities, but never gave a penny to any of them.

Years ago I was bullied at work and the poisonous atmosphere prevented anyone standing up for me, but one colleague just made a point of saying good morning and offering me a cup of tea each day. I swear she saved my mind. Another colleague lost her son, I didn't know her well but when she came back to work I just asked her how she was. She said I was the only person to mention what had happened. Unbelievable. And data protection is an arse

I honestly don't see what any of that has to do with the OP's situation. She was not ignoring someone being bullied in front of her, or a recently-bereaved person returning to work -- she (with good intentions) acted in information she should never have been given, and made it clear to someone she hardly knows that his MH-related absence has been the subject of talk in his workplace.

And his feelings about it are clear enough from the fact that he blocked her -- he's not 'grateful'. He didn't appreciate the gesture.

Also, it's not being prissy about 'data protection', it's normal confidentiality about someone else's illness. I wouldn't want my colleagues discussing my MH any more than I would want them discussing the results of my tests from the GUM clinic.

"I was told at Christmas party that a colleague (who I don't know that well)"

You don't know them that well which is the main reason you should have left them alone and what you heard might not have been true even.

to you, OP. You're clearly a lovely and kind person.

The person who shared the information with you was the one in the wrong. EITHER they were breaking someone's confidentiality OR they were passing on unfounded gossip.

Neither of those things makes you less kind.

Is it possible that the person who told you might have got it wrong?

I'm upset at the way some people are speaking to you on this thread when you've clearly said that this is something you've suffered from yourself. I hope you are ok reading some of the harsher responses.

I dreaded returning to a high level, very pressurised job precisely because I didn't want anyone at work knowing I'd been off with depression and anxiety. It was a job where you would be judged heavily if you had MH issues.
It made my return really much harder than it could have been sadly.

Years ago I was bullied at work and the poisonous atmosphere prevented anyone standing up for me, but one colleague just made a point of saying good morning and offering me a cup of tea each day. I swear she saved my mind. Another colleague lost her son, I didn't know her well but when she came back to work I just asked her how she was. She said I was the only person to mention what had happened. Unbelievable. And data protection is an arse

Sorry but this is a completely different situation. It seems to me that everyone realised what your situation was without it being aired in public. If you wanted support and were happy to receive it, that's great. The person mentioned in the OP clearly didn't welcome it with open arms, which suggests to me that there are people out there, who want their privacy preserved and want to keep their private matters private!

And even if this individual did want support, it's highly unlikely that this support is required from someone he hardly knows!