I feel like I don't belong and embarrassed myself

[WobbleBottomBum]

I've been at my new job for a month. There was a company drinks thing last night. I was dressed quite smart, but my eyes were red from being exhausted (insomnia from worry about work). Everyone there seemed to be a posh man. I'm a council estate single mum who was working in a call centre before this. I can do the work but I felt like an idiot.

I had nothing intelligent to say, my voice was too soft, I was standing around awkwardly and left after 20 minutes.

I've joined toastmasters to help with presentations and public speaking but I felt like I was from another planet. I didn't belong here. I feel so embarrassed and don't know what to do. I had a booked day off anyway today but I don't know how to face the office tomorrow.

I feel like they will be saying 'see, that's why you weren't able to get a job all these years! You're just here to be a token.'

😥

What do I do next?

I've worked in my company for over 8 years, and in my department for 5, and I still feel like a fraud and go home replaying conversations and thinking I'm too stupid to work there!

But you wouldn't have been given the job if you weren't qualified for it. Is there anyone in the workplace you can get friendly with for the next occasion?

WobbleBottomBum Don't for a moment beat yourself up for them at all. I too came from the council estate filled with greif and hate but can mingle with anyone.

If this lot were decent gentlemen they'd probally sense you had a differing background and would do something to make you feel comfortable and part of the firm, but heigh-ho good old Brit mis-Managment again!.

Hey! at least you went to Uni that wasn't an option where i came from, mainly self taught but can have a bit of a debate on the uses of Euclidean geometry. I've done OK thanks but you can find plenty of snobbish arses around their two a penny;(

Oddley enough I used to go out with a woman who was in this toastmasters outfit you'd think she was as quiet as a churchmouse but once she was up there on stage seemd a real Jeckyl and Hyde change!.

As you can see elsewhere in the thread there are plenty of general purpose questions you can ask, most all people enjoy rabbiting on about themselves;!

I so understand this feeling! I live in a city neighborhood that's packed with high achievers, there's a Nobel Prize winner living around the corner (honestly, this isn't a joke!) so I often feel as thick as two planks.

Like PP's, I've learnt to give it a go in social situations and also to be a bit picky myself, e.g. , if they're not attempting to make conversation as your lot weren't, I'll move on. It's their problem, not yours. You don't have to get on with everyone.

I think you were brave to go and it'll get better, you'll get to know some fun people soon. A month is nothing.

I think sometimes you have to consider that the other people are socially awkward. Not you.

In the example you gave this sounds like the case.

Dont overthink it.

Wobble I truly believe that a lot of life is about pretending
I think people well, me at least pretend and then sort of grow into it
I remember getting a mortgage and sitting there in the building society thinking 'wtf am I doing here'
Getting various life/income insurance felt the same
As did having a baby given to me
'Wtf I'm just pretending to know what I'm doing! I've no bloody clue'

With practice, I just got faith in myself that I was an adult/capable and eventually take it for granted that I could do these things

Keep going!

Sounds a bit like imposter syndrome, just another name for anxiety really. Honestly remember just because you felt daft, it doesn't mean you looked it. It's those who stayed late that everyone will likely be talking about, plenty of alcohol and likely a few tales to be told about those who are usely well composed! CBT on the NHS will do wonders for the social anxiety and feeling inadequate.

Momo18
CBT on the NHS isn't something OP can just just dip into because she had a bad social night at work. There's massive waiting lists for CBT on the NHS with people suffering severe anxiety waiting for treatment

@Needsmorebeans well said

Worrying about attending a social event is perfectly normal. It's not something that needs to be medicalised. The NHS is overstretched enough.