To be really upset with DH?

[luelle3]

He's been away with work for days, text me last night saying he had a nice day planned today and to be ready when he gets back. He was taking me out for a surprise and then on a date night. He got back 5 hours later than planned (not his fault) but obviously didn't go on whatever this day out was then. I'd been expecting him so had gotten up, showered shaved made a real effort full face of makeup and hair etc then he gets back and says we aren't going out for for the evening bit of what he'd planned either now as he's too tired, but we can grab some food if I still want a date night. Says he doesn't want to spend ages looking through menus so just go pub down the road, I said there's 2 nice restaurants nearby I want to try if he wants a nice 3 course meal and he's just moaning that I'm being fussy and we should just go to the pub for food. I said being pregnant didn't really fancy the pub as it's more just quick food, now apparently there's no point going anywhere because I'm being moody and difficult. First time I've made an effort in months as felt so lousy with this pregnancy. Upstairs crying now feeling like an idiot.

He is grumpy and tired. Get a takeaway and then plan a proper date night when there is no possibility of 5 hrs late at one of your restaurants

I can understand your disappointment but equally get where he's coming from too, work trips are knackering and getting back so late is crap.

be kind to yourself and each other. Have the takeaway and an early night and make a new plan tomorrow.

After a 5 hour delay I'm surprised he wants to even go out rather than order in and be at home. Yabvu, you can do the date night another day.

Oh what a shame. I can see both sides. 5 hours is a long delay but at the same time if you'd made a big effort I think I'd have agreed to a restaurant nearby at least.
If I were you I'd go down and try salvage the night

I understand you're disappointed but he had a five hour delay ! There's no way I'd want to go for a three course meal after all that travelling either.

The five hour delay was waiting for his hire car. He just got a late check out instead and waited for the car in bed. So he got back later than planned. He wasn't travelling an extra five hours and doesn't even seem that tired just doesn't seem bothered. Keeps saying there's no difference between pub grub and a nice meal and that I'm being difficult. Just hurtful when we've not had a date night in so long and now I've got all dressed up to go sit in a pub. We aren't going anywhere now as I've ruined it all by crying apparently

Thanks for replying anyway I think it's just disappointment and hormones but he doesn't need to be so grumpy about it. Wouldn't hurt to just say nicely maybe something different tonight but he's just making me feel like crap now.. putting myself to bed early

But it was 5 hours later. Yabu

I think you're being very childish.

I’m with you OP, he could have made more effort.

Did he not bother letting you know he was going to be late?

YANBU to be upset. He is completely lacking in empathy if he doesnt realise that planning a treat then cancelling at the last minute doesnt put a song in your heart or a smile on your lips.

From what you describe the 5 hour delay was hardly arduous for him.

Did he let you know that there was going to be a major delay in his return or just show up several hours later than intended?

I honestly think you'll feel better if you dry your eyes, splash some cold water on your wrists and face, repair your make-up and say "all right, then, pub" and go and get some chips and pudding and make a nice, if low-key night of it with your DH, rather than wallowing.

It's a shame he was delayed, yanbu to be disappointed, sorry but I can see why he'd be too tired to get ready for and go to a restaurant.

OP, YANBU.

OK, so the day part needed to be cancelled, but there's no reason he couldn't have gone out for a meal.

He hasn't spent any longer travelling, he's simply delayed the travelling time. How could he be tired if he simply waited for the car in bed?

He isn't tired, he's simply not bothered. And it's not even that late, and certainly wasn't at the time OP first posted.

But crying and going to bed early is pretty childish.
Go down, get a takeaway and watch a film. There's no need for this and you'll just feel shit for longer.

"He isn't tired" oh we have a mind reader on the thread! The op says her husband actually stated that he was tired.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel, and listened to why his expectations of the day have changed?

We've not seen each other in days and he knows I went upstairs coming and hasn't even bothered to come see if I'm alright so don't see a point trying to salvage the night. I'm always the one who has to go sort it out and I don't want to for once so easier to just stay up here

Crying

Tbh, I assume it was traffic/ a delay/ extra work. He's knackered, so you made a bit more effort, it's not that big of a deal just go to the pub and do date night another time.

Ok. Well crying into your pillow isn't going to help.

I’d feel exactly as you do OP. YANBU.

I think you need to grow up a bit. He probably can't be bothered with the hysterics. I'm sure he would have preferred to be home earlier - waiting around in a hotel room isn't as great as you'd think. Wipe your eyes, go downstairs and just say sorry for overreacting, I'm just a little disappointed, let's still have a nice evening and order a take out.

Sorry seen update, so not entirely out of the realms of what he could manage.

It would have been nice of him to agree to dinner but equally you crying is silly and childish. Just go to the pub and tell him to plan another night.