To be really upset with DH?

[luelle3]

He's been away with work for days, text me last night saying he had a nice day planned today and to be ready when he gets back. He was taking me out for a surprise and then on a date night. He got back 5 hours later than planned (not his fault) but obviously didn't go on whatever this day out was then. I'd been expecting him so had gotten up, showered shaved made a real effort full face of makeup and hair etc then he gets back and says we aren't going out for for the evening bit of what he'd planned either now as he's too tired, but we can grab some food if I still want a date night. Says he doesn't want to spend ages looking through menus so just go pub down the road, I said there's 2 nice restaurants nearby I want to try if he wants a nice 3 course meal and he's just moaning that I'm being fussy and we should just go to the pub for food. I said being pregnant didn't really fancy the pub as it's more just quick food, now apparently there's no point going anywhere because I'm being moody and difficult. First time I've made an effort in months as felt so lousy with this pregnancy. Upstairs crying now feeling like an idiot.

he knows I went upstairs coming and hasn't even bothered to come see if I'm alright

Probably because he doesn't want to continue fighting. You're being rather childish sulking upstairs.

You're hormonal, he's tired. Why don't you go downstairs and go to the pub with him and enjoy being together rather than creating a drama out of nothing?

Tbh, I assume it was traffic/ a delay/ extra work.

Did you read the OP's posts?

OP, YANBU. It wouldn't have killed him to go to one of the restaurants rather than the pub.

This is aibu, you won’t get any sympathy unless you are the man who sadly had to spend an extra few hours chilling in bed waiting for the hire car.

Damn right you should be pissed off with him.

And what does that achieve exactly?

If I was tired I would rather

1. stay in
2. have a few in the pub & relax, maybe get a kebab something to eat in the pub, or back home after.

I dont think I would like to sit at a table eating.

I know it's hard if you have been looking forward to something, but try to think of it from his perspective. He has had a frustrating day, getting home really late, and although he was probably looking forward to a lovely night out with you, he is now so fed up that he hasn't the energy! Have a pub meal tonight and then plan another special night out.

YANBU OP. It wouldn't have killed him to go to the restaurant. His delay sounds quite pleasant if anything! The daytime plans obviously had to be cancelled, but a meal in a local restaurant wasn't much of a bigger ask than going to the pub. Bottom line is that he couldn't be bothered unless it was on his terms. Sorry your plans were spoilt

OP - YANBU.

Somehow along the way -after he's had an extra 5hrs in a hotel room/bed waiting for his car- your surprise date night turned into pub grub down the road, food you didn't fancy as you're pregnant. What, because he couldn't be bothered to look at a menu?

I'd feel the same as you. I would adopt extreme sarcasm in these circumstances, and tell him how much you have enjoyed your surprise date night, and you're so glad you made the effort of hair and makeup etc.

I'd be really disappointed too but I also wouldn't want to go out if he's tired and grumpy. My partner is awful company if he's not in the mood so I wouldn't want to spend money on a meal out if he's not up for it.

Get a nice takeaway tonight and arrange something when you're both feeling up for it, you'll have a much better evening.

Going to bed at 6.30pm in a fit of pique isn’t going to help either of you. Dry your tears and go and talk to him. I understand feeling disappointed, but go eat something with him and do date night another time.

If I was late by five hours and DH had a strop over not going out to a restaurant, he have been told to grow up.

He's obviously tired, I'd have suggested a take away or just cooked given the five hour delay and would have text to suggest that.

There’s not much you can do about the daytime stuff, but he’s being bloody ridiculous to refuse the restaurant, especially with that nonsense about menus.

Go downstairs and just order a takeaway for the two of you, UABU.

OK so, you're upstairs crying. What exactly is it you want him to do? Because I bet he has no idea what you want him to do at this point. Unfortunately other people cannot read our minds. He may well think leaving you to calm down instead of going up and continuing the fight is the best way forward, how is he to know otherwise!?

id be pissed off and upset too. I think thats cruel. Did he let you know 5 hours previously that he was going to be that late, and did he promise to make it up to you??
If not, then I think this is a sign of how much he values you

I'm on your side - you've been feeling crap lately, got all dressed up and was looking forward to it, the least he could do was to sit in a nice restaurant instead of the pub YANBU

No one else cynical enough to wonder if he had a heavy night drinking, so he booked himelf a late checkout to get over it?

So he was lying in his hotel room? Why didn't he send you a message apologising and saying can we rearrange? I think it's a head on crash of him being thoughtless meet pregnancy hormones.

yanbu. .. You said you "always" sort it. ...So,break the habit. By crying do you mean..eyes went a bit teary?or are you sobbing n gulping n snotters? Its not the thought that counts.saying it and actually dae-in it arent the same. (but,its been noted- I only ever like compromise if i dont have to change my mind)hope your ok.x

Totally get where you're coming from. Surely if he doesn't see any difference between restaurant and pub it's no skin of his nose going to the restaurant? If he's saying you have no right to feel differently then that's a bigger problem imo

I would be annoyed too OP. Crying seems a bit OTT to me, but I know pregnancy can make emotions more volatile.

It's not really this incident though, is it? Reading between the lines it sounds like neither of you have been putting much into keeping the intimacy in your relationship for a while. Is it the pregnancy or was it settling in before then? Are there different expectations of what a good relationship should be like or do you think you both got into a downward spiral where you just think the other isn't making enough effort and so you aren't inclined to either and they feel the same way?

I think you probably need to have a good chat about what's happening. Not tonight, but at some point in the next few days when you are both in better moods and you have plenty of time.

If I was feeling tired and not on good form I wouldn't fancy a restaurant meal either. I know it's disappointing, but imagine if I posted here that I didn't feel up to going to a restaurant for whatever reason, and my DH was sulking and crying over it and hiding in the bedroom?

Disappointment is totally understandable but you're sulking and punishing him which is immature, plus now you'll both have a shit night instead of a passable one with a takeaway or in the pub.

What’s the point of date night?
To go to expensive restaurants, or to spend time together?

Fine to be a bit disappointed at a change of plans, but a bit precious to decide you can’t eat the pub food because you’re pregnant. Really?

If you want to put lots of make up on, so it for you, and enjoy it wherever you are.

He’s being a cock if he thinks he’s too tired to look at a menu. Pathetic excuse.

But I think this is 6 of 1, 1/2 dozen of the other. Crying over it is childish.

Unless this is a pattern of behaviour, which you have alluded to. In which case - are you sure you want to be with him?

HeathRobinson Wed 16-Jan-19 18:58:33
No one else cynical enough to wonder if he had a heavy night drinking, so he booked himelf a late checkout to get over it?

Nope, that's just you shit stirring.

Fine to be a bit disappointed at a change of plans, but a bit precious to decide you can’t eat the pub food because you’re pregnant. Really?

She hasn't decided she can't eat the pub food because she's pregnant. She's said the pub isn't much of a venue when she's pregnant as the food isn't very good. So a pub when she can't drink and where doesn't like the food is a bit of a shit destination for her.