To be really upset with DH?

[luelle3]

He's been away with work for days, text me last night saying he had a nice day planned today and to be ready when he gets back. He was taking me out for a surprise and then on a date night. He got back 5 hours later than planned (not his fault) but obviously didn't go on whatever this day out was then. I'd been expecting him so had gotten up, showered shaved made a real effort full face of makeup and hair etc then he gets back and says we aren't going out for for the evening bit of what he'd planned either now as he's too tired, but we can grab some food if I still want a date night. Says he doesn't want to spend ages looking through menus so just go pub down the road, I said there's 2 nice restaurants nearby I want to try if he wants a nice 3 course meal and he's just moaning that I'm being fussy and we should just go to the pub for food. I said being pregnant didn't really fancy the pub as it's more just quick food, now apparently there's no point going anywhere because I'm being moody and difficult. First time I've made an effort in months as felt so lousy with this pregnancy. Upstairs crying now feeling like an idiot.

Can't eat pub food cos you're pregnant? Really? How ridiculous! You're being far too silly. Go to the pub and go to a restaurant another night.
I eat loads of pub grub and I'm pregnant 🤷‍♀️

I didn't say I can't eat pub food. Just to me the whole point of a nice 3 course meal is you sit and actually look each other in the eyes and have a conversation and some nice food and it would of been nice to do that. It's a local pub that's always fairly busy and has music or football you hardly sit there to have a nice conversation, we go there to watch football and drink so just doesn't really appeal to me during a date night where I'm pregnant and can't drink. My problem is that he cancelled everything else and said but we'll still have a nice date night, said to go to the pub just because he doesn't want to spend ages online looking at menus and when I suggested two restaurants (no need to look at menus or waste time) he just says he wants to go to local and that's there's no difference between that and a nice restaurant.. there is

I don’t blame you nor think you’re being childish for being upset. You had plans and from the sound of it he didn’t say anything about cancelling until he got there. However, did you ask if he wanted to and if so, did he say anything?

Plus, what is the difference between sitting in a pub vs a restaurant? You still have to look at a menu and order. If he is awake enough to go to a pub, why not a restaurant if it is just as close as the pub. I wouldn’t fancy sitting in a pub either pregnant or not.

Ask if he wants a takeaway if not order one for yourself and get comfy with your favourite movie, tv show, book.

What's being pregnant got to do with pub fast food vs restaurant food? Anyway l agree with pps it sounds very childish, almost like a tantrum from you.

I wouldn't of been upset if he'd just said "I'm really tired, let's do something chilled tonight and do all this another night" but instead he messaged me last night saying how much he's missed me and we've not spent quality time together in ages and he's going to treat me, he knows he's not made much effort to be intimate or connect lately, he's meant to get home at 12 for a day out and then a nice meal so I'm ready to go at 12, he doesn't turn up I get a text at 2.30 saying running late, don't hear anything else so I get ready for the meal in the hope that he comes back in time and make an effort as he'd said the night before to go to a nice restaurant. He shows up then knowing I've been excited all day and have made an effort to look nice and put a nice dress on for the first time in ages (I've essentially been a slob the entire pregnancy) then he doesn't even acknowledge that I've made an effort, says he doesn't see the difference between a pub or a restaurant then when I'm disappointed says I'm being difficult and now there's no point going anywhere. Just feel really stupid that this is what I spend all day being excited for and ages getting ready to do! Nothing!

I know crying is pathetic but I seem to be in the stage of pregnancy where I cry over the smallest things - and getting excited just to spend all day waiting and getting ready just to be disappointed seemed to warrant a few tears!

YANBU sometimes we feel taken for granted and sometimes we need someone to make an effort for us. I would have expected the evening to go ahead as planned.

Me and DH try to remember that if we would not cancel on each other if we were in a new relationship then we should not cancel on each other now. Mutual agreement not withstanding.

I totally don't think yabu. I would be just as upset and pregnancy hormones make everything worse. It's it worth talking to him now or better to leave it till tomorrow?

I'd be really annoyed about the lack of communication regarding his lateness. He's meant to be back by 12 and you get a text 2 and a half hrs later saying he's running late. Really rude of him, and I can see why on top of that you're upset.

Well you could have made the most of it and then rearrange the actual date night.
You went from one extreme to another and now you've spent an hour crying and moaning on here.

So he was just in his hotel room, waiting for his hire car, but he somehow doesn't even manage to text you that he's going to be late - until two and half hours after you were expecting him? He's a disgrace.

I'd just go out to the restaurant on my own. No point letting him ruin your evening any further.

Crikey, some of the responses are mind boggling. Yanbu op.

At best, your oh has been unintentionally thoughtless and inconsiderate. But his response to you has been dismissive, disrespectful and verging on cruel.

I would be raging and upset, given the context of this night out. It was important. I wouldn't be rushing to pour oil on the troubled waters here. But yes to a lovely takeaway for you, and whatever else you can think of to treat yourself.

He was asleep which is why he didnt text me, I didn't bite and said it was ok and was understanding about him cancelling the rest of the stuff but for him to then be an arse about dinner because he's tired just wound me up! He eventually came upstairs and asked if I'm done being miserable and I said calmly "I was just disappointed. It's not nice spending all day excited and getting ready for it to turn out like this, you said yourselves we've not spent quality time together recently" and now apparently I've made him feel guilty and he's lost his appetite and doesn't want to eat. I've ordered myself a Chinese and he can piss off if he thinks he's having any.

We aren't normally this crap it's just been a difficult pregnancy. We had some complications and rather than supporting each other through it we just acted quite distant from each other, I lost my libido and have been to hot to cuddle at night and we fell into this habit of barely speaking just snapping at each other. Felt more like we were Co-existing than being a couple and it was ruining the excitement for the baby. We both admitted fault and agreed to make more of an effort to reconnect and talk to each other, he went away right after and then text last night all about how happy he was we were working on it and going on about this date night. I do admit my hormones aren't helping.

YANBU at all OP, I'm heavily pregnant so know how you feel emotion wise, but he was totally rude not even keeping you updated on how late he was going to be?! He was 5 hours late not 15 minutes! And it's mean that he hasn't come upstairs to check if you're ok.

Your hormones may not be helping, but he's not helping either - he gets you all excited for a nice evening where you've had horrible time and you're both supposed to be trying harder, he buggers it up, you get upset and he makes you feel like you're not entitled to be - he's a prat and I hope you enjoy your Chinese .. stupid man

So he's had an afternoon nap but is too tired to go out.
Good luck when the baby comes, jeez what a twat.

How are you feeling today, OP?