exDP is moving back in with his parents

[Floopyandtired]

DP and I have amicably separated. I am staying in the house with DS and he is moving out. My issue is that he has announced he is moving back in with his parents (5 mins down the road), not temporarily until he finds his own place, but permanently. He has no plans to find a place of his own. They live in a nice 3 bed family home, but DP’s brother also lives there, so there would be no room for DS. He would have to share with his dad.

DP’s parents have very different ideas about parenting and I don’t see eye to eye with them. A few examples: a couple of months ago MIL tried to give DS a hot cup of tea to “help his throat” and he was seconds away from being badly burnt. DP grew up with unlimited sweets/screen time/fizzy drinks etc. I also worry that PIL would be unkind about me in front of DS (although DP and I are amicable his family is very bitter about our split) and I don’t want DS exposed to that. DP does not have the balls to stand up to them.

AIBU to think I can refuse to let DS do overnight visits while DP is living with his parents? Can I insist he gets his own place? There’s no financial reason he couldn’t, he has a good job etc. He is just lazy and his mum waits on him hand on foot so he doesn’t want to give up that cushty life.

Obviously YABVU!

You need to start this whole ball game with a different mindset or you will not be amicably split for long and you do not want to start getting into tit for tat situations!

The problem will resolve itself when he finds a new GF and wants his own space to entertain new GF so I wouldn’t worry the living arrangements will be for all that long.

Not sure why you'd get a say on where he lives, if you aren't together anymore.
What if when you split, youd needed to go to your parents? Would you have felt ok being told you couldn't have your son with you if you did?

I think you'll feel much happier when you make peace with the fact that what happens when DS not with you is entirely outside of your control now. You say ex is a good parent so he won't let anything bad happen

Don't some people think 14 months is too young for overnights anyway, if you have always been primary carer?

Don't some people think 14 months is too young for overnights anyway, if you have always been primary carer?

No and neither would a court.

Are you looking st 50:50 or just a night or two a week? The later seems more practical for sleepovers. DS can still see Dad on some of the other days as he is so close.

DS can co sleep with Dad if he has a double bed for the foreseeable.

I separated from my H last May and he is living in a Camper Van or staying at his on/off girlfriend’s house. I wish he would get a flat/house but have no control. He sees DS at mine after school most days and only has him over night every couple/few of weeks (it was more in summer). You work with what you have.

Not sure you need to engage with GP if you prefer not to. See if Dad will pick up and drop off at yours.

I’m not sure the personal attacks are warranted but it seems to be the nature on this board. It’s such a shame.

Anyway... I have bought him out of the house and will be taking over the mortgage by myself. He is moving with his parents not because he can’t afford his own place but because he doesn’t want to adult any more.

I love him very much and wish it hadn’t come to this. But you can only play the hand you’re dealt right.

I’m turning off notifications for this thread now but thank you for all the constructive advice.

And I'm not sure trying to limit a good father's access to his children is warranted.

You could but it wouldn't help things and if it went to court it would look bitter.
My ex moved in with his mum and he shares a tiny bedroom with ds. 2 single beds. It's tiny. She is very bitter. There isn't anything I can do.

Maybe he doesn't like how you do things, if he's an involved father then he is entitled to his opinion.