Wandering guests!

[Newsername]

I’m just wondering whether this just happens to me, or if I’m just weird about normal things! But every time I have a friend come around my house, they want to inspect my whole house and start wandering around upstairs downstairs. It’s so fricking annoying. My house isn’t spectacular. Upstairs is usually cluttered with clothes ready to be put away. It isn’t even decorated like a show home, it’s just an average boring house.

When I go to someone’s house I usually sit in one place and chat, not start wandering around the second my friend goes to the kitchen or somewhere else.

That’s not normal

What? The wandering guests, or me?

I had someone who did this. She was never asked round again

Adults, no. Kids, yes.

I remember asking my great-aunt if I could explore her house. She lived in a wonderful old stately home. Her answer was “of course you can - it’s as much your home as it is mine.” It was such a nice thing to say, it always stuck with me, and it was a fantastic experience to wander around this enormous old house, finding all the hidden doors and staircases

That’s weird. I’ve never either done that or had anyone do that to me!

You know some right nosey bastards!

No, they are nosey bastards.

I would absolutely hate that!

I find that strange and rude. I’ve seen it on the show Come Dine With Me and I’m always appalled at how the guests go all around the house and snoop. I’d be highly annoyed if someone did that in my home.

Have you moved recently? Have you 'done up' the downstairs? Mostly its done in a lovely way - e.g. can I see what you've done upstairs etc If these friends aren't asking then they are just being rude. If they do ask feel free to say no. If they go without asking then don't invite them round again or put a baby stair gate across the bottom of the stairs so they can't go up on their own. If they ask why just say 'I got annoyed with people going upstairs for no reason.'

I have only ever had one guest do this. It was the first time I invited her over, we hadn't known each other long. She also opened the fridge and cupboards and helped herself to food. I was just sorting the kids out and said I'd make drinks and food in a few minutes but she just started helping herself to things. I was a bit . I never invited her again as I find it all a bit odd.

No definitely not normal!! We have a downstairs bathroom so as far as I am concerned nobody needs to go upstairs, well no adult anyway, the kids can bring friends to their rooms. If I had no downstairs loo I would be fine about people using that upstairs but I'd have all the doors closed

Who even does that ?!
Bizarre

No, that's not acceptable. It's way overstepping boundaries. Our bathroom is upstairs so visitors do have to head upstairs, but I'd be very upset if anyone snooped around under guise of having a pee. That's really intrusive.

That's bloody nosey - my MIL is a But like that ... I've had to stop her looking through my bedside cabinets before in the 'guise' that she was 'cleaning them'

Not normal. If anyone attempted to wander upstairs I'd say we have a toilet downstairs and direct them to it. Nobody has ever done it in my house unless invited to do so - e.g. a painter or a plumber! Even Ds friends are marched back down if they go near the stairs.

My FIL. It's actually getting unbearable.
Next time, I might dig out a massive hole in our bedroom floor and disguise it with a rug..."Whoops! Are you stuck? I would've warned you but I never thought you'd be wandering around in our bedroom you nosy, judgmental git .."
He stands at the front door and takes his shoes off and I know the house inspection DIL judgement is about to commence.
I just don't know how to stop him so I let him get on with it and silently stew.
He only lives 5 minutes away so the visits aren't rare

That's not normal and really rude. I'd ask her what she's looking for.

Your guest is not being normal. No reason for her to go upstairs at all unless the only toilet is up there and then she goes up just to use that.
How dare she! I wouldn't even dream of wandering around someone's house.

I have heard it's usual in America for people to show you round the house when you visit. I'm sure one of MN's many American posters can confirm or deny. So maybe it's a cultural thing? (Having said that, I realised I got this nugget of information from a business TEFL text book I was using to teach, so can't vouch for its accuracy!)

It's really rude behaviour.

One woman I know no longer gets invited anywhere because she does this - nips to the loo and sneaks into the bedrooms etc (hasn't even got the courtesy to say "Oooh! What lovely home! Would you mind showing me round?" - because she'd be told "I'd mind a lot - get back in the living room!"). On one occasion she was caught reading a bank statement which she had had to take out of the envelope - not even just lying about!

I have been to houses though, where people insist on showing me round. I'm not really bothered to see other people's private rooms - it's different if (say) they've just had a new bathroom put in, or re-decorated or something, and say - "Come and look at this - it's gorgeous!"

The only time I ever had a look was when I asked a friend if I could look at her freshly decorated bedroom. She’d invited me up to her dds room as they were decorating there when I went round. I would have been ok had she refused but know her well to appreciate she’d be fine whereas someone else would not.

no, that's someone who hasn't got their boundaries set right.

You could have little rope fences, like in national trust houses.

Or just not invite them round any more.

sorry but I would have to plant some interesting things that they would find & potentially be a little surprised at :-)

A collection of whips for example

sorry hadn't seen it was your FIL. Can you ask your OH to have a word? I.e. stop being a rude nosy bastard, only in a more acceptable way..?