Wandering guests!

[Newsername]

I’m just wondering whether this just happens to me, or if I’m just weird about normal things! But every time I have a friend come around my house, they want to inspect my whole house and start wandering around upstairs downstairs. It’s so fricking annoying. My house isn’t spectacular. Upstairs is usually cluttered with clothes ready to be put away. It isn’t even decorated like a show home, it’s just an average boring house.

When I go to someone’s house I usually sit in one place and chat, not start wandering around the second my friend goes to the kitchen or somewhere else.

I have one relative by marriage who does this, but she's the type who thinks being obnoxious qualifies as a quirky personality trait.

Very werid.

Just say no, the rest of the house is messy. I understand a visitor wanting to see your house when you've just moved in/just decorated or if they've maybe never seen it before...but not every time!

We have lots of friends who ask for a tour, but not who show themselves round without asking!

Buy crime scene tape from amazon. Pin it in criss cross style over the doors and if she wanders and asks ......say in shaky voice I don't want to talk about, in fact I can't talk about it.

This is brilliant !!

I would have no problem with this, but I would also stick my head around a door when visiting friends houses, to see what they've done with the place, as there's always lots of DIY going on. I don't think my friends are bothered, and they quite often comment on something new in my bedroom too (which is next to the loo), so I guess they look as well. I'm always more than happy to show people around my house if they ask.

Although none of us have downstairs loos (our houses are all old).

Not normal!

I've had one very pushy person who I didn't know very well who insisted on visiting me after an operation when I was in a wheelchair, and she went wandering off upstairs looking all over the house without being invited. I'd never dream of doing this and I was that anyone would be so rude. Tbh I cut off contact with her after that and never saw her again as I really didn't like her very much. Very odd!

I have a downstairs loo, so there is no requirement whatsoever for someone to go up the stairs unless I invite them for some reason. Fortunately my friends and family are generally not complete weirdos so its never been an issue, lol. Love the idea of the Police Crime Scene tape though!

Definitely not normal. I'm not sure why you allow it either, tbh. Threewheeler, I'd be tempted to fit a stairgate at the bottom of the stairs if he ignores you telling him not to roam.

We have had friends who've asked to have a look around but I don't know anyone who'd take themselves off for a wander without express permission.

7yo7yo & Maelstrop
I know I should but I always bottle it! He's got no boundaries at all.
I think it's because it's a bungalow, like someone said upthread, he just wanders off, sticking his head in all the doors
He's also a bit of a sexist dinosaur, has past form for telling me I earn 'peanuts' and pointing out cobwebs etc. Not a charmer.
I'm still working on my zen mindset around him after 20 years
And DH has a habit of suddenly finding something else to do in the garage or garden when they come round, or urgently needing a 30 minute poo hiding cos he can't be bothered to talk most of the time, so I'm always left with the inlaws.
MIL is the opposite though, always busy & prefers to talk briefly on the doorstep - if she spots FIL taking his shoes off she shouts at him to pack it in which gives me great pleasure......

ResistanceIsNecessary, my God, I'm not an animal, for Christs sakes! If anything, she was the rude one, when it came to anyones clothes, home, jewelry, handbags, what kind of dog they had had to be a corgi! It was ridiculous! I was quite complimentary about her home and complimented on her make up and her bags if she asked for an opinion. I, on the other hand, had quaint and charming furniture and my style of dress was to out there and bohemian for her taste. I once sold a vintage necklace of mine for $400/310.96 GBP to an aquaintace, and her exact words were it never ceases to amaze me what ugly horrible things people will buy Not to mention, she saw me where that particular necklace quite often for years and never said anything. I only sold it, 'cause it didn't suit me anymore. My point is, she was the one that was house proud, showing everything she bought new from Target or Crate and Barrel and mentioned how much she paid for it. Me and my other friend (the one with the 2 mil house) just showed art or textiles that guests had an interest in.

And, I never not once, rummaged through something drawers or belongings or go on a tour myself. If they offered, I happily obliged.

wear

My family are so bad for this. They have almost no qualms about snooping into sealed boxes ready for posting (ebay sales), medicine cabinets, drinks cabinet or my handbag. I've caught them many times going through the bins and my recycling/charity bags.

I think it's the familiarity that causes it but they do realise sometimes it 's just snooping because they try to hide what they are doing. They don't think I tell them everything (as it's private!) so they feel it's justified.

And top prize for the massive drip feed goes to...

And the award for the biggest prize A wanker, goes to......

Get of my back, resistance, you're not fooling anyone.

If photos are framed and on display on shelves etc do you think it's ok to get off the sofa and look at them while your hostess is making tea? I always do this but feel a bit cheeky.

Blimey.

BrendasUmbrella sounds like we share a family member!! Impossible, but maybe they were twins in another life.

OP... please take note if things are walking out the door with this person. Only 'one' person does this in my house and when it first started I thought it was nosey and while it annoyed me immensely there was nothing I could really do...as that would have meant cutting contact with small family members as well.

Then, things started to vanish...I never lose things and never misplace things, although did question myself for a while, but set a trap when I had advance notice of one particular visit. Sure enough, this person fell for the trap without realising. Unfortunately I didn't want to believe this at the time and hadn't set up cameras...thought that was OTT, but something I regretted later.

During the last visit a pair of pink plastic earrings disappeared. I had worn them to a Breast Cancer fundraising night two nights previous and hadn't put them away where earrings are stored. They were 'not' expensive, but were taken! This proves it was not always the monetary value, although a LOT of money has been stolen over the years too.

So buy yourself a couple of motion-detector cameras on eBay etc and set them up. I have some tiny motion alarms on doors now, so if that person opens those doors then an alarm will sound. Only problem is I need advance warning of the visit to turn them on!!

Good luck ;-)

@Threewheeler1 (in a stern voice) "FIL come and sit down. Nothing has changed since the last time you snooped".

@Winewont yay for the dog.

OP, this is not normal at all. I also find it intrusive. I had a friend once who started to go through my kitchen pantry when I was out of the room because she "wanted to see what vegans eat". One look at my face and she knew she had overstepped. "You could just ask me," I said.

MissLanesAmericanCousin

I'm not on your back. I responded to your original comment, pointing out that it sounded quite sneering - bearing in mind that you said it was anaemic and wouldn't make the cover of Town & Country. Then you responded with a huge drip feed about how this friend is actually quite judgemental and unpleasant - which completely changed the perspective of your original comment!

And now you've decided to imply that I'm a wanker. Righto

Which goes to prove you should never assume anything.

I do not wish to engage with you any further. Thank you

Most of the time I'm busy sorting food out when we have guests and the reason I don't like people upstairs is because I haven't tidied up.

I don't suppose my unmade bed would make town and country either

The OP was about people going upstairs uninvited. Which is rude.

Okey dokey. Although you're assuming that I'm a wanker..!

Anyway -

OP, YANBU. It's the height of rudeness to go wandering off around someone else's home without permission. I've only had it happen once; the individual was not invited back again.

Omg I forgot I started this thread. I’m so glad that it’s not normal behaviour. Maybe I make friends with weirdos. This one particular woman started asking me what was in the front room, how long I’d lived here, that I needed the roof fixed on our conservatory etc. Then, because her kids were upstairs, instead of calling them down she went upstairs to get them, proceeded to use the toilet etc whilst I was doing the washing up and returned downstairs without them . she hasn’t been invited again.

I have had other people do this too and then get pissy when I say certain areas are banned. One woman, I invited her to stay for dd’s party with her dd and she completely ignored my message. On the day she rocks up says she isn’t going to stay but asks to see our rabbits quickly and made her way to the back room, so I said no, that area of the house is a mess as we’d moved furniture around for dd’s party and I wasn’t expecting anyone to go outside otherwise the girls will all end up outside and bring mud back in.
She got really pissed off, was really distant and rude with me at pick up time and hasn’t contacted me or been in touch again.

Thing is I’d never do this at anyone’s house, especially at a flipping party when I had 9 kids to attend to.

This drives me mad too.
Every time my MIL comes over she checks all the rooms upstairs.

I've had friends ask for a Tour too, when I haven't tidied. Have also had friends look around the upstairs rooms when they go to the loo up there. Bit weird imo.

I would never do that if I went to someone's house. I just sit on the sofa / at the table with a cuppa and that's that.