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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hate the dress

53 replies

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 22:52

I've posted before 're good friends wedding and hen party concerns......any ho. Went bridesmaid dress shopping yesterday and the dress is nice enough..... if you were tall and size 8. I however am a shortarse size 16 sometimes 18.........
The other bridesmaids are in a similar shape and size to me....... one of them does have height on her side tho. Only the MOH looks good in it..... And of course she was the driving force behind choosing it. I am currently attending a slimming club and do have a goal in mind but I have such anxiety over this dress that I really do not want to be a bridesmaid. It's off the shoulder and one were you can't wear a bra...... I know I will feel uncomfortable the whole day in it and I hate the thought of the photos. I do have low self esteem and I can't help but feel my friend has catered the the wants of her MOH (shes scary) without taking the rest of us into account. I know I should just suck it up and make my friend happy but it annoys me that I wasn't even allowed a opinion. My ABI is would I be a total arsehole if I pulled out altogether. I would much rather be a guest and just enjoy the day. I'm sorry if I sound like a spoilt brat I'm just so nervous

OP posts:

Reccy2018 · 15/01/2019 22:55

I wouldn't wear an unflattering dress to a wedding as a guest, let alone as a bridesmaid. Every anniversary when they share a photo, you'll feel awful all over again. I'd pull out, personally.

Cranky17 · 15/01/2019 22:57

Yeah no way I could not wear a bra.
I would do it. I’m make her choose no Bra no bridesmaid

Mummymummums · 15/01/2019 22:57

I think you should have spoken up. Presumably it's been paid for now?

Fingermoose · 15/01/2019 22:58

Sorry you feel awful in the dress. I'm a 16 too and going bra-less is a non-starter.

Having said that, how does the bride feel about the dress? If you (and the other bridesmaids?) told her how unhappy you were would she try again for a more flattering dress?

Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 22:58

I did speak up. I mad reference to the 3 of us who had wobbles and muffin tops etc
We actually all tried on the same dress that was quite flattering but the MOH said it wasn't dressy enough. And the bride went along with her.

OP posts:

Giraffey1 · 15/01/2019 23:00

If the bride to be is a good friend - and presumably she is! - could you not toakd her to one side and confide in her about your anxieties, and those of the other BMs. If it isn’t too late, the MOH could stick with what she has and the rest of you get something that is a little more flattering to your lovely figures?

Paddy1234 · 15/01/2019 23:03

I once had to wear a god forsaken bridesmaid dress. My best friend was the other bridesmaid and told me to shut up and go with the bride. Well her horror when she saw what we had to wear! At least I was taller and could pull it off better.
I feel your pain.

Mummymummums · 15/01/2019 23:03

Given that you spoke up, YANBU. It was mean not to take your feelings into account at all.

Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 23:03

Giraffey1 that's exactly what I said that maybe we stick to the flattering dress and the MOH have the one on her own. But she's adamant that she wants then all the same as it had a similar neckline to her actual wedding dress so therefore it will all the in. I do bring it up but she's convinced I will drop 3/4 stone by July!!!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 23:05

it will all tie in......

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OwlinaTree · 15/01/2019 23:08

I'm sure there will be a bra you can wear with it. Can you post a picture of it or something similar? We will find you a bra!

thefourgp · 15/01/2019 23:10

She shouldn’t have pressured you to wear a dress you don’t like. You should always buy a dress based on the size you are now and not what you hope to be in the future. Has she paid for the dresses yet? If you decide to pull out I think it’s only reimburse her for what she’s spent on you. X

Bluelady · 15/01/2019 23:11

Surely a strapless bra works under an off the shoulder dress?

DaphneDiligaf · 15/01/2019 23:12

Go to Rigby and Pellar if you have on near, they will advise you about bra.

CheshireChat · 15/01/2019 23:13

No way would I go anywhere without a bra, I'd get arrested! Seriously though, I'd be uncomfortable with the idea, with the fact there's no support I'd be in pain and I don't fancy cold nipples either

GreenTulips · 15/01/2019 23:15

Can the dress have supports added or bonning?

Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2019 23:16

Nope. I was recently moh for my friend. She kept sending pics of wrap dresses and little shift things. I’m a size 22 with 36HH breasts.

I was very clear about what I’d wear abs said if she would rather have another moh that was fine but I wouldn’t spend the whole day looking dreadful.

Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 23:21

Merryoldgoat........ can I ask how she took it? And what was the outcome?

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Yabbers · 15/01/2019 23:22

I’d quit. Tell her you aren’t comfortable with being a bridesmaid and want to be able to enjoy her big day. If she’s a good friend she’ll understand. If she isn’t then you’ve lost nothing.

jessstan2 · 15/01/2019 23:23

Tell the bride how you feel, she's a woman, she'll understand.

I honestly believe bridesmaids dresses should be fairly simple and standard so no-one can feel uncomfortable but it's unfortunately not always the case. Or else the bridesmaids choose their own outfits, colour co-ordinated.

She has one MOH who looks good in the dress of choice, why not let the rest get their own, smart outfits that suit them?

Weddings are more trouble than they're worth sometimes.

Fraying · 15/01/2019 23:23

There will definitely be underwear that will work or support that can be stitched inside.Would you really say you don't want to be bridesmaid because you don't like the dress?

Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 23:24

I alao feel the other bridesmaid are afraid of the MOH. Shes a force to be reckoned with........ I've only met her afew ti mes previously but spending time with her over the last few months with her and I feel it's all her way or the highway. The hen for example we were all chatting about it giving suggestions and she said no to all of them. So we are basically doing the exact same thing she had for hers. I think she thinks because she's the o my other one married that we all haven't got a clue

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Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 23:26

Still trying to find a similar picture o show you guys
bare with me........

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Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2019 23:29

Sorry! That would’ve been more helpful!

She was lovely, said she hadn’t really thought properly about it and asked me to send some ideas.

I found a dress for under £60 on chichi which she liked too and got that.

I think for her it didn’t cross her mind being a size 8-10 with A cup breasts but she got it.

If your friend doesn’t understand she’s not your friend. No decent person wants their moh to feel or look shit.

My moh looked amazing - she’s 5’ 10” size 12 and wore a gorgeous black evening gown. Looked fantastic and I was so happy she did.

Original poster

Hisnamesblaine · 15/01/2019 23:31

The dress is £200!!!! We shared some lovely pictures from ASOS Debenhams etc That were between £50/£100 but we went to a proper dress store

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