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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To ask what you would tell a younger you?

163 replies

Diel · 15/01/2019 19:59

I stumbled upon a photograph of me as a teenager. It got me wondering what I wish I could have known then.

Don't be so flattered by male attention...it doesn't make you special unless it is the right attention.

Plan a little bit more for the future

You are as good as anyone else. Don't apologise for being you.

Enjoy the freedom of being young.

What would you say?

OP posts:
CloserIAm2Fine · 16/01/2019 23:48

Live within your means and don’t get into stupid debt for stupid reasons, you know better!

Sort out your diet and weight before it becomes a bigger problem

Call your parents more.

Accept who you are and don’t hide in the closet.

Work is not worth your tears.

Don’t give up on your hobby.

Be kind to yourself.

Shodan · 17/01/2019 00:34

I would tell her to stop doing so much for other people, particularly certain members of the family, because it doesn't matter how much she does, they'll still treat her like shit.

And I'd tell her to report one family member to the police.

And actually I'd advise her to move far far away from most of that family and work on her self esteem before embarking on a life of her choosing.

SugarinaPlum · 17/01/2019 00:40

Read some psychology books - understand anxiety, narcissism.
Call him again, he wants to talk to you.

There’s plenty I could say but younger me would totally not be interested. And would deliberately disobey.

RolandDeschainsGilly · 17/01/2019 00:48

Leave after the first lie

ScienceIsTruth · 17/01/2019 00:51

Size 12 isn't fat, which you'll realise in about 15yrs, and you'll regret the years you wasted hating yourself.
You got male attention bc you're nice and you looked good, not bc they felt sorry for you. You deserve to be loved.
Don't give up your life/career for a man, and don't change your bubbly, outgoing personality to please them bc in 20 years time you'll have no confidence or belief in yourself.
Oh, and when you damage your knee 50yrds into a 2 mile cross country run, bloody well stop, let others help you and get it sorted. Finishing said run, and refusing all help, will permanently damage your knee and lead to you having to leave a career in the armed forces.
Last, but not least, play the bloody field a bit more, have fun and actually sleep with a few different guys before you settle down.

DulciUke · 17/01/2019 00:51

Get therapy for social anxiety—don’t keep putting it off
Save more & spend less
Don’t wait until your 40s to buy a house
Be nicer to your parents (both gone now, sadly)
Learn to ride (horses)

Productrecall · 17/01/2019 00:58

You're not fat.
Don't believe him when he says he won't do anything again. He does, but much much worse.
Leave him when he demonstrates exactly how self centered he is. It only gets worse.

ScienceIsTruth · 17/01/2019 01:13

Oh, and value yourself more; you are worth it.
Just bc you're a bit awkward socially doesn't mean you're not worth anything.

You're a kind, loyal, good person, and although you don't really have many friends, it really doesn't mean you have to put up with people treating you like dirt. Ie, don't try so hard as it doesn't help.

lobeydosser · 17/01/2019 01:27

play the bloody field a bit more, have fun and actually sleep with a few different guys before you settle down.....having read the whole thread that's exactly what I came on to say!

Dance more because you'll end up with someone who refuses point-blank to. When he proposes over the washing-up ("well you're pregnant I suppose we'd better get married") think much more carefully before acquiescing. Do not settle.
Don't do that final year at school - you have fab grades and deferred entry for a great uni, you're deemed too young to go. You should have a gap year instead or work ...grow up a bit in those twelve months - don't do another set of totally superfluous exams. Try and be more than an exam-passing machine.
Don't go to uni with a close friend from school...you will hold each other back, being anchors rather than kites soaring high.
And don't, whatever you do, use Persil to hand wash your clothes in that first year at Uni...you'll end up with such bad eczema that for the rest of your life every photo of you has your fingers bandaged and the skin on your hands ends up translucent through steroid use.

AliceAbsolum · 17/01/2019 03:33

You can't drink sensibly so don't drink at all.

Find out what you value and act in line with them. Don't waste time on shit you hate.

Money is a renewable resource, time is not.

You can have unprotected sex every week for three years and not get even slightly pregnant.

Nothing but God will fill the empty hole in your chest.

treaclesoda · 17/01/2019 03:36

Don't go to university.

Laura221 · 17/01/2019 07:07

I don't think I would change or say anything thing. We have had really tough times but we are in such a lovely place now because I truly appreciate what i have. I had kids young which I know lots would change but although it's hard work sometimes (made harder by having 3 in 3 years) they have made me so focused. We have a huge amount of debt which we got a handle on 2 years ago and I've learnt to appreciate how lucky I am to have a rroof over our heads and that I can budget really bloody well and give as much to those with less as much as I can. I would probably follow my gut and get married abroad instead of the way we did but I would have just carried around the guilt that my mil and fil wouldn't have been able to come so I'm happy really.

Maybe I would tell myself that when I lost, 3 stone after having the last baby that I should watch it better and not let myself get big again but hey that's life.

BringItOn88 · 17/01/2019 07:11

Don't over pluck your eyebrows. They won't grow back!

Fluffiest · 17/01/2019 07:20

It's OK to stop trying to be her friend. It's wearing you out and real friends don't make you feel insecure. Let her go and focus on the people who make you happy without trying.

Original poster
Diel · 17/01/2019 08:25

Goodness, we all thought we were fat by the sounds of it.
I do wonder if younger us would listen yo a word of our advice?....

OP posts:
Beaverhausen · 17/01/2019 08:29

Having a bf is not that important and won't make you happy.

Don't waste your money and do not hide from your problems.

Beaverhausen · 17/01/2019 08:30

Also can I add.... not to worry about being fat just enjoy your life.

Ifangyow · 17/01/2019 08:31

Play more golf.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/01/2019 08:40

Sort out life insurance for you and DH. When he develops stage 4 cancer, you will need it and be up shit creek without it.

GloveHangover · 17/01/2019 08:44

I would have quoted George Bernard Shaw's "Youth is wasted on the young"

MrsBobDylan · 17/01/2019 08:52

I would tell myself 'Your parents are abusive and don't love you properly. But your siblings, well, they are amazing and will more than make up for the love you lack. Report your parents to SS, grow up in care, have nothing to do with your parents and never look back.'

MrsBobDylan · 17/01/2019 08:53

Oh and that being a parent will be the best years of your life - start younger and have more!

Daffodil2018 · 17/01/2019 08:54

Don’t get that credit card. You will spend more than a decade trying to pay it off.

Badstyley · 17/01/2019 09:30

You’re not interested in boys and men, so don’t waste your time trying to learn. It won’t work and you’ll ruin your life trying.

Most people are twats, and an insult is never constructive criticism.

You’re good at playing guitar, and if you stop playing it’ll be hard to get back to where you are.

You’re good at lots of things, better than most, so make the best of it.

Regrets are the pits.

And an MN favourite, which I wish I’d learned a lot lot sooner:

When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.

Meangirls36 · 17/01/2019 16:52

Dump the twat. Go to college and whatever your mum says ignore she has anxiety and is not thinking straight. Don't put up with unemployed losers. You aren't being loving you are being taken for a ride.

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