To be uninvited and fuming?!

[PartyPooper86]

NC as this could be outing! An acquaintance of mine - let's call her 'A' - is having a big birthday party this weekend. She is very good friends with my best friend 'B' so I was going along with her. Bought an outfit, gift , changed some plans, was looking forward to seeing 'A' again and from what 'B' told me, she was looking forward to seeing me.

Today 'B' gets a message from 'A' to say I can't come to the party. The reason? An 'ex' of mine (Who I was seeing for a month, 2 years ago and who is DP with 'A's best friend) said he will not go if I'm there. 'A's best friend also said she won't go if her boyfriend/my ex isn't going so therefore I have been uninvited to ensure they go. I haven't spoken to or seen this 'man' for 2 years and had no plans to speak to him other than a polite hello if we were in close proximity. Things didn't end on the best of terms but not the worst either considering it was only a month long 'romance'.

I get that 'A' can invite who she wants but I can't quite believe the immaturity of it all and the fact she didn't message me herself. So AIBU to turn up to eat the buffet,drink the drink and leave to be annoyed by this debacle?!

I bet it hasn’t come from him, I bet it’s come from her. She’s not going if one of his exes is there.

Please do get very drunk and then gate crash. And then come back and tell us.

I would be so tempted to message A and say of course you understand, you feel so sorry for XP new DP. It must be so embarrassing for her to realise XP has never got over you

Yes something like this!

Huge compliment to you, he’s still thinking about you and cares enough to cause all this fuss! You really were the one who got away

Imagine being A’s best friend. Your man won’t go to a party cos an ex is there. I’d be really concerned about that, because unless you did something really awful to him that must mean he has feelings of some sort.

What ???

So I was thinking about sending that message but decided against it - I decided That since they are they are little children who have no idea how to communicate like adults it's not worth my time!! I Hope they enjoy playing musical chairs and the entertainment from the ex clown! 😁

Could he have been seeing you both at the same time and he's lied to his GF about when he was with you and is worried it will come out that there was an overlap?

Take it as a compliment! Obviously you were really memorable.

But is it really a big deal? Assuming your same age as ex, you in your 30s, are you really that keen to go to a 21st birthday of someone you barely know? If it were me I'd be glad to have an out.

Oh god this is ridiculous! Some men actually had marriages and kids with their exes, and their new girlfriends actually see the ex when they pick the kids up, and politely make small talk, and go to a school plays etc when the ex is also there. And they all cope! So why can’t this couple cope with being in the same room as someone he briefly dated when he was a teenager?

Your friend B is awesome. A obviously doesn’t give a shit about B not attending so they can’t be that close. But really A should have stood by her guest list and said sorry you feel like that, it’s your decision if you don’t want to come. Not pander to the people who are being childish!

This sounds like 'Jackie's problem page'. ( showing my age there)
They sound total idiots.

How 'big' a birthday? 13?

my thoughts exactly.

I reckon your ex has mentioned to his GF that he went out with you and she has kicked off about it rather than the other way around. Unless he’s not over a month long relationship that ended two years ago . I know it’s irritating but I wouldn’t give it much thought, go have fun somewhere else.

So glad your best friend has flicked them all to go out with you.

I can't believe how immature and insecure the ex and girlfriend must be!

@mslexic that made me howl laughing!! Can just picture the picture story that goes with it!! Absolutely op have a fab night out with a proper mate

So if I read this correctly, you were going as B's "plus one".
B has now told you that A says you can't go, but A has not told you herself?

So surely am I not the only person thinking that basically B has decided not to take you because she has a better offer, and that the whole A and A's friend's DP business is a load if rubbish

B is going out with the OP instead of going to the party, starfish

Brilliant comment, Jackie magazine although I must clarify I never stooped to buying a copy. 😜

Sounds like you bailed out of the relationship with the ex not a moment too soon. He sounds suspiciously like a control freak who could have moved on to emotional abuse, and he probably can't handle seeing you because he can't handle the acknowledgment that you are the one who got away. It might be worth delicate inquiries from B at some point as to whether he is treating his current partner OK.

I reckon TV07 has it. Either he's lied to her about how long/when you were together and there was overlap, or he's told her a yarn about how psycho/alcoholic you are and you being there all pleasant and lovely will expose him!

You describe her as an "acquaintance". Why do you care about going to her party enough to buy an outfit for it? Take a deep breath and let it go. Best friend trumps acquaintance.

I wouldn't be fuming. A best friend was always going to trump a plus-one and lots of people would feel awkward about bumping into an ex.There may also be issues in their relationship that having an ex there could exacerbate. Obviously the birthday girl would know about them.

I'm a bit that you had planned to say hello if you were in proximity to him. If the relationship was so long ago and so low key why were you 'planning' any interaction with him at all?

Sounds like the best friend and partner of the ex is very insecure, to me. I bet this came from her, not him.

I agree it's more likely ex girlfriend that doesn't want you there, not him. She probably won't admit that to her friend though.

I too wonder if the ex is getting hassle from his GF. But, how insecure would you have to be, to be threatened by a relationship that had the life span of a free netflix trial.

Either that or he's just a game playing weirdo.

How 'big' a birthday? 13? Perfect

He probably doesn't want you there in case you tell his new partner what a controlling man he is and that raises red flags for her or makes her recognise a pattern in his behaviour towards women.