to feel disheartened by the baby group?

[SwagQueen]

Baby is 12 weeks old. I don't know many people in the area as I moved here when I was pregnant. Went to my first baby group today and felt really disheartened by the whole thing.

Everyone else's babies were miraculously well behaved. They were all dressed in gorgeous little outfits (and so were the mums). They also seemed to all know each other.

My DS was the only one in a baby grow, I was dressed down with no makeup, hair not done because DS doesn't sleep and I'm so knackered, and when I tried to talk to anyone I just got one word answers and nobody really seemed interested in conversation.

This may all be in my head, but my confidence is pretty knocked. I feel so isolated. I don't know anyone in the area. I'm nervous to try any other baby groups.

Did anyone else find this? Feeling a bit shit

Everyone feels like this. And the other mums that look like they’re doing fine are actually analysing all of their conversations and feeling just the same. Well, some are. Some are just dicks - and no one wants o befriend a dick anyway. Keep trying and you will find your tribe.

I have a 9 month old. I have been in leggings (changed daily ) for the past two wks. No makeup in that time either.

It might just not be the right group for you and they're not your 'people'. Just try another or look for something like baby sign language or bookbug sessions or something where there's more of a focus on activities. I'm not sure I'll do very well in a kind of sitting around and chatting environment when baby arrives, but I feel more comfortable in the kind of setting where there's stuff to do and some sort of structure.

Seriously all the mums are thinking the same as you. They probably looking at your baby thinking he looks comfy in a babygrow. I made some amazing friends at baby groups but it takes time. Everyone is half dead with lack of sleep. I do miss this time asit was lovely getting to know the other mums and babies. Now ive a toddler none of us can talk or sit still for two minutes. Go again op or try another x

yeah, some groups are like that, try another. Is there a children's centre near you? they often run little ocurses that are a really nice way to meet other, nice, mums.
12 weeks in, the fact you got both of you dressed and out on little sleep is a win! And baby gros are great - far more comfortable that cutesy little outfits!

My 18 week baby is still in sleepsuits when we go out, I have a toddler as well and getting her dressed is the priority! Try a library rhymetime, the chat tends to be optional and singing with your baby can be so much more rewarding than feeling you are being judged. Not all baby groups are like the one you went to, don't give up!

Some baby groups are like this at first. Don’t let it put you off trying again or trying another one. Have a look at the MUSH app too, it’s a great way to meet new people. I’ve moved areas when little one was 8 months and seemed like everyone already had their friends but I found some great groups after a while and even set up a buggy walking too.

I'd keep going (or find a different group and keep going to that!). The more you go, the more likely you'll get chatting to another parent.

I'm not a confident person either and when I used to go to groups I'd mostly stick with the friends I'd made and not really go round talking to other people. Just because it's easier to just speak to that friendly Mum who you have got to know, than try and make new friends.

Plus as your baby gets older you can just busy yourself playing with them. It's always good to get out and have a bit of a routine!

I always like Baby Sensory because even though I didn't really make any friends, the group leader keeps you busy with singing/ little activities so it didn't really matter.

I found baby groups (the type where it is just free play) pretty crap until my dd was walking and actually interested in playing because then I could play with her rather than sit by myself.

If you can afford it, book some kind of class like baby sensory/massage etc. It will be the same people every week so it's a bit easier to get to know people (although some groups may be dominated by NCT groups). Have you looked at your children centre? They often do a variety of courses for a reasonable price.

Try a different playgroup. I was all set to say everyone feels like that but then I noticed that your baby was the only one in a babygro .

Well done for braving that one. Try, try, try again!

By the way, my babygro shock was at them, not you..

Get your name down for a baby massage class by you OP. I met some lovely new mums by going to one and i still use the massage techniques years later to help with toddler tummy aches/trapped wind etc. Ps mine lived in baby grows for about the first 9 months I think!

Forced socialising with folk you don't know?

Nah.

Babies wearing baby grows during the daytime is perfectly normal at 12 weeks. Babies in outfits is much more unusual in my experience.

I’d try a few other groups. With DD1 I went to a baby group and the woman who ran it was brilliant - she would welcome you in, give you tea and biscuits and chat to you. She would also encourage those who had been before to talk to the newer people and as a result it was a really friendly place to go.

how do you suggest the OP get to know other people in the area without socializing with people she doesn't know, halfwit?

OP - don't give up yet, the first go is always daunting. They will get to know you soon enough.

I would give it half a dozen goes before abandoning it, and I'd also try other things at the same time.

dont be disheartened, try more groups and see if you feel happier at another class. I didnt make friends from any groups but sometimes it was nice just to speak to someone in the day. For what its worth I looked/look a perm state around my LO- especially when she was very little if dared try to put makeup on it ended up all over her babygro...no point.

Babygros were all mine wore for a very long time.
Find another group check libraries and sure start centers usually run one stay and play a week. If you are in a city with a few centers you could do one every day of the week if you felt like it.

Ask your HV she will know of other groups

I remember hating baby groups at first I felt so out of place but I persevered and now I love them. I hope you don't give up with them , they can be a saviour when you're feeling royally shit. Is there anymore you can go to? I'm in the south west and there's loads round here.

DS was still in babygros when he started walking. He came out of them for the summer and didn't go back in the following winter because they weren't available in his size any more. They're practical and comfortable. To be honest, I judge more parents putting babies in jeans and restrictive frilly nonsense.

Oh gosh! The first few playgroups we went to were like this. I didn't want to go to anything after some of the disapproving looks up and down. I eventually found a 'bring your baby' post natal wellness class which was great. There were a variety of mums from slim and perfectly made up, to baggy leggings and messy buns and babies ranging from yelling all the way through to perfect Boden babies. Everyone was lovely and non judgy tho and I made my only new mum friends there. We're still good friends nearly 2 yrs later. Definitely worth giving a few things a go

I tried many groups in the last few months and found it hard to fit in. I just found a group at our library this morning and the mums were lovely! Offering to share their baby snacks etc. Try different groups until you find a nice one.

Oh my goodness, I felt like that with my first. Went to three groups, all horrific in terms of leaving me feeling awful. Babies two and three, different world. Was comfortable in my own parenting skin about my choices: nothing but babygro day and night until 12 months (very practical), no make up ditto (for me or the baby), everyone else can lump it. Much happier (to each their own I say). Good luck finding your people. I met mine at sling meets and breastfeeding groups, but other things might do it for you. Not alone! Good luck! Xxxxxxx

Some groups are more friendly than others, but also it can change. I had DS at one group last term where the mums were friendly but all had other children and raced away at the end. He loves it so I went back and this term there are a load of new people who all wanted to go for coffee and lunch afterwards. Download the Hoop app and go to all the local free trial classes you can find until you find a group you like. Also it surprised me that the local church hall is set up brilliantly with kids toys and is the local place to be; I'd imagined something dingy and cold, but DS has been loving trying out the range of tricycles, car games etc and it's really friendly too, so don't write off places.

How about trying a course? When DS was 12 weeks we did baby massage as I was desperate to meet someone but I didn’t feel awkward if I only just said a quick hello at the beginning as we were all following the teachers instructions. Over the weeks the ice broke and I got to know some of the mums and we went for coffee afterwards. It was nice having an activity to focus on with baby as I didn’t feel awkward about having to make constant small talk. Baby sensory is another one I would recommend for the same reason. They are also wonderful for getting baby to have a lovely nap afterwards as they’re nicely tired out.

Some groups are more friendly than others. I don't know what your financial situation is but could you go to some kind of paid class where the same people will be there week in week out? baby massage or something?