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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious over what has just happened?

652 replies

DippyDiplodocus · 15/01/2019 09:46

Out Walking our dogs and my 6 month old baby in carrier. I have four dogs and look after one of my friend's dogs while she's at work occasionally. My four are quite large, the biggest being big German shepherd size and the smallest is a pug (friend's dog).

Before I get flamed for having too many dogs, two were mine, two my DH's before we met, so obviously we now have four. We aren't the kind of people to get rid of dogs just because we had a child - dogs are family too and we treat them as such.

We live in the countryside, very quiet rural area.
Coming to the end of our walk over the fields (where I never usually see any other walkers) I see another dog approaching - muzzled Siberian husky with a bloke.
At this point I already have four on leads ready for the road back to our house and bent down squat position to put pug on a lead.

I thought man would stop when he saw me bent down but he carried on approaching. I was struggling to get wriggly pug back on lead so I called out to him "can you just wait there a sec so I can get this one on the lead?" - No response and continues towards us.

Still trying to get dog on lead and my dogs are now getting a bit twitchy and unsettled that this bloke is approaching them, so one of mine barks.
Just to add here, our dogs are all very well behaved but they are protective over me and DD and will act accordingly if they feel threatened.

Man takes no notice, I call out again and say "can you just give me a second?" Ignores me completely.

He decides to squeeze by my dogs and I with a stupid smirk on his face. He can clearly see I'm struggling and baby is now crying and the others are pissed off. One of mine pulled forward and I dug my heels in and sat back so as not to land on my daughter.

I shouted at him and called him a fucking arsehole.

If he could have waited one second, I'd have been out the way and that wouldn't have had to have happened.

FFS Angry I just despise people at times.

OP posts:
OutPinked · 15/01/2019 12:40

My DGM has one staffie and if it sets of running it takes her with it. Amusing image but can be very frightening. That’s one hefty dog, five is just ridiculous and it’s very dangerous with a baby on your front to boot. If they set off suddenly and pull you over, you are endangering your baby’s life. You may think you know your dogs well but any dog can be unpredictable.

I think you should stagger the walks. Take two dogs out in the morning, two in the afternoon/evening. Have your DH help if he can. And stop walking your friend’s pug, you have more than enough on your plate.

Also definitely possible the guy was deaf or wearing air pods as many PP’s have pointed out.

RedRiverHog · 15/01/2019 12:40

I completely agree that it would have been nice of the man to have waited. I have a young and silly golden retriever and have appreciated many lovely people that have given me a moment to calm him before walking past. He's not out of control but it gives me a second to ask him to sit and reward calm behavior around other dogs.

But....I used to walk a dog reactive German Shepherd. If I had come across you I would have wanted to get my dog past as soon as possible. One woman, a crying baby, four large dogs with one barking and a further dog not yet on a lead. I wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation and any waiting would have caused the GSD to act up. I would be concerned that any reaction from my dog would make yours worse.

I get both sides here.

ExplodedPeach · 15/01/2019 12:41

@DippyDiplodocus So it wasn't a big open space at all? I misunderstood then, I thought you had come off the fields onto a confined path and then were blocking it getting them on the lead. But there wasn't a big open space at all?

In that case I think YABU. If the dogs need to be on a lead for him to be able to pass them happily, and you can't get them on a lead in the time it takes him to walk from 100 yards away, they shouldn't be off the lead.

Or have I misunderstood again?

PositivelyPERF · 15/01/2019 12:41

Was I being unreasonable to get away from them as quickly as I could and report her for being out with so many dogs?

Yes, you were extremely stupid. Why would you walk close to a group of dogs in those circumstances? Why didn’t you turn and walk a short way back, if you couldn’t step off the path and make a detour? The woman could have got her dog under control and you could have both went on your way. If you don’t know what to do under those circumstances, you need to educate yourself.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 15/01/2019 12:42

My last question since it is clear you are not going to concede you were unreasonable.

If you saw the same man again tomorrow would you apologise for yelling at him and calling him a fucking arsehole?

IknowTheBoswellJoke · 15/01/2019 12:42

It’s not up to others to constantly bend to your situation
So true. And OP makes sure that she is always in a state of barely controlled chaos, putting the onus onto anyone she approaches to be the ones who bend, what with being normally functioning people who have their shit together.

MarshaBradyo · 15/01/2019 12:43

So what are you going to change now?

PositivelyPERF · 15/01/2019 12:43

It’s not up to others to constantly bend to your situation

It’s called curtesy.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 15/01/2019 12:44

My god please don't walk that many dogs with a baby in a sling. If they truly wanted to get to something there is no way you could hold them and they could pull you over and crush your baby!

Wordthe · 15/01/2019 12:44

Having lots of dogs means that whenever you go out you are an unruly flock of creatures
You dominate the space and everyone else has to bend to you

reallyanotherone · 15/01/2019 12:45

I’ve been out with mine this morning. Rural area. First two blokes i met put their dogs on leads as soon as they saw me. My dog is fine but i put him on his lead anyway- if their dogs are reactive mine shouldn’t approach them.

Second lady moved her well trained dogs totally off the path so we could pass easily.

3rd lady stopped while i went down the turning.

Thing is, you never know how someone elses dog is going to react. The pug may have been a vicious bugger so it makes sense to stop until it’s fully under control.

Fwiw i have hearing loss and i wear conspicuous earphones. People still yell at me for wearing them and not being able to hear them, but at least if they’re yelling or have my attention so i can see their faces i know what they are saying. Some give me chance to explain, some just like to complain about people who can’t hear them....

Bellasorellaa · 15/01/2019 12:45

maybe hes not a person who knows about dogs i would never have thought to stop or what you were doing tbh
or he could have been just a dick either way dont let it annoy you further

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 15/01/2019 12:45

PositivelyPERF would your opinion of the man change at all if you knew he was deaf which seems more and more likely given he didn't respond at all when the OP shouted abuse after him?

MarshaBradyo · 15/01/2019 12:45

Or courtesy ;

ILoveMaxiBondi · 15/01/2019 12:45

A normal person would even have tried to help

In what way? He couldn’t go over to her as her dogs were already pulling and barking at him. He can’t bring his defenceless (because muzzled) dog over to that situation!!

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/01/2019 12:46

I love when people ignore occam’s razor and decide that something utterly ridiculous is the case, yeah op how dare you assume he was just being a twat, it’s much more likely that he was completely deaf/had invisible airpods in
I have noticed that most people I encounter nowadays have earpods in if they are alone, and as he didn't react to being called a twat, Occam's Razor would be he didn't hear the OP.

DippyDiplodocus · 15/01/2019 12:46

@ExplodedPeach let me try to explain -

We had exited the fields onto the path towards the road. This path is probably 300-400 yards in length, it is straight and you can see the gate which the road is directly behind, once you are on the path.

I normally put the leads on at around 100 yards from the gate. We all stop, dogs sit, leads go on.

I noticed the man and dog just before our usual stop, he appeared from the left of the gate. As soon as I saw him, I stopped.

Hope that makes more sense.

OP posts:
DippyDiplodocus · 15/01/2019 12:49

I didn't require assistance l, just a bit of space.

I think that if my dogs had been wearing red "I'm not friendly leads" it wouldn't have made any difference as if I told him they weren't friendly he would have either not heard (deaf?) or ignored me anyway.

OP posts:
IknowTheBoswellJoke · 15/01/2019 12:51

I assume deaf people can still SEE red warning leads?

DippyDiplodocus · 15/01/2019 12:52

I assume they can see a raised hand and eye contact and someone's mouth moving too.

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/01/2019 12:52

Having read the thread and the feedback on it, do you think you could have changed any part of your behaviour - either on that walk, or regarding your dogs in general - in order to avoid situations like this?

OP:
"I have already answered this question further up the thread."

"Next time I'll just let them all loose and then I'll get called irresponsible for not putting them on a lead."

"Taking on board "advice" from PP, perhaps I could walk the dogs in smaller groups. This would be very time consuming and would mean I was in and out of the house for about 4.5-5hours walking. Would this be ideal with a baby too? I don't know."

I'm curious as to what you'll actually do. Not clear from these statements. Grin

IknowTheBoswellJoke · 15/01/2019 12:54

Yeah, because in your chaotic bundle of dogs and babies, a raised hand must have rung out with clarity and meaning. Couldn't possibly be a rushed greeting, or a hand raised in apology for taking up the entire path.

Peachbubble · 15/01/2019 12:55

Agree with the majority. Walking 5 dogs (one off lead) and carrying a baby is just an accident waiting to happen.

Re the man - he didn't have to stop or alter his route just because you wanted him to, and shouting abuse at him clearly showed you had lost control of the situation.

PositivelyPERF · 15/01/2019 12:55

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone, my brother is profoundly deaf and can understand what he sees in front of him. People with any level of deafness, can read others body language and would have understood that the OP was putting her dog on a lead. She also explained that she put her hand up to ask him to stop. Again, a person who is deaf would have no difficulty reading that body language.

I bet much doubt they were blind too.

PositivelyPERF · 15/01/2019 12:55

Bet = very

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