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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch DP

52 replies

finchers · 15/01/2019 07:24

He's still off work after Christmas. He hasn't once got up with our 21mo in the morning to let me lay in

I'm 36+5 pregnant and struggle to sleep during the night as it is. I've tried to wake him and tell him to get up- he plays deaf. DS has taken to getting up way earlier lately. I can't nap during the day, I look after my 3 year old sister. Also, I've a low blood count so I feel weak and all fainty most mornings.

I've had a sit down talk with him that I need rest, he seemed to understand. He offers sometimes to get up... but it's after I've been up with DS for over an hour already and it's an after thought.

I don't think IABU, maybe a little selfish, but not U?

OP posts:
Original poster
finchers · 15/01/2019 07:26

Just reread- fully aware I've just thrown myself a pity party Cake

OP posts:
HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 15/01/2019 07:28

YANBU!! Tell him to get out of bed now you are going back to bed for a rest!!

burritofan · 15/01/2019 07:30

Why isn't he back at work? And of course he should be getting up and looking after his kid and you! When he doesn't get up, open the curtains, turn all the lights in and remove the duvet.

OnlineAlienator · 15/01/2019 07:31

Yadnbu!!!

Original poster
finchers · 15/01/2019 07:34

Burrito he's self employed and has been back for 2 days last week and that's it, there's not much work on at the minute. I'll try that! He's such a baby though I don't think I'd hear the end of it allllll day.

HeyDuggee he's still upstairs asleep Angry because yesterday he did nothing at all and he must be exhausted. I am my own worst enemy I think- I know that if I were to wake him he would just complain and then when we see his mum, he'd drop in that he's been letting me sleep until late Envy

Jesus Christ why am I with this man child Envy

OP posts:
LovingLola · 15/01/2019 07:35

Yet another selfish man child .

LovingLola · 15/01/2019 07:36

Xpost with you op.
Don’t have any more children with him.
What’s your financial situation?

Charlie97 · 15/01/2019 07:38

He'd tell his mummy that he'd let you sleep late ...... yuck.

What a pathetic man child he is!

SoyDora · 15/01/2019 07:39

I was heavily pregnant over Christmas (baby born last week). While DH was off he got up with the DC every day, made their breakfast, got them ready and took them out in the morning so I could have a rest. He did all of the cooking. He sent me back to bed for naps if I was struggling and took the DC out so I didn’t get woken up.
Your partner is a dick.

PrettyPurpleDress2 · 15/01/2019 07:39

So he has sporadic "self-employment" and can't even pitch in so his pregnant wife can get some rest? What a loser. People treat you they way you let them. Get his ass in line now because it's only going to get worse for you when baby #2 comes. If he doesn't like it he can go crying to his mommy. I would never put up with that shit from my husband.

silkpyjamasallday · 15/01/2019 07:40

So unbelievably selfish. What a dick. I wouldn't be having anymore DC with this loser. Has he always been like this?

SoyDora · 15/01/2019 07:41

(Oh and now the baby is here and he’s on paternity leave he’s still doing all those things, and school runs etc)

Dillydallyalltheway · 15/01/2019 07:41

Yanbu, he’s bloody thoughtless and lazy. When will he be going back to work? Presumably he will be taking more time off when the baby is born? He needs a reality check. Also with regards of looking after your 3 year old sister, is that every day of the week, and how much longer are you expected to do this for? You need to try and get some rest, bless you. Brew

ElvisParsley · 15/01/2019 07:45

He sounds like he is about 15.

If he tried telling his mum he had let you sleep in, I'd be doing the side eye 'we both know that's not true'.

Surely he should be up and trying to get himself work if he is self-employed? If there isn't much available, he needs to be the one to be getting what there is, showing some drive and ambition, not lazing about expecting the work to come to his bed!

Original poster
finchers · 15/01/2019 07:48

Lola it's shit, I only have myself to blame, spent savings the first year we were together to renovate, but the house is his. I'm a twat.

SoyDora congratulations Thanks I'm so glad your DH is so good & you're able to get your rest, it definitely helps with the healing process doesn't it! I saw a few of your posts and it's nice to read that your baby is here Smile

Silky he has mostly always been this way, except for a few weekends when DS was really small.

DillyDally this is the thing, now he's saying when the baby is here he won't be able to have more than a few days off. When I had DS he had one day off but it wasn't as difficult as I'm anticipating this time around will be as I'll have two. I look after my DSis 4 days a week, this is getting reduced in a few weeks.

I'm prepared to be flamed because I think I have done this myself, I allow it to happen and only ask for help when I feel I desperately need it.

OP posts:
burritofan · 15/01/2019 07:50

OP I'm self-employed & when there isn't work, that's the time I hustle for it; catch up on invoicing, expenses and receipts, make sure the admin/legal/accounts is all done and up to date; and sort house stuff – bits of DIY, batch cooking, big deep clean, declutter – before work gets busy again.

Your DP should be doing all that, and getting up with DS, and making your life easier. Upgrade the duvet removal to cold water in the face & a loud alarm clock until he gets the message.

humblesims · 15/01/2019 07:51

YANBU or selfish. He is being a massive twat. If he is not working then it should be equal division of labour. Except that you are heavily pregnant which means he should be doing even more. Dont allow this to continue. Be angry.

burritofan · 15/01/2019 07:52

only have myself to blame, spent savings the first year we were together to renovate, but the house is his.

Cross-posted but the money you put in to improve the house's value is worth equity, make sure you have a paper trail of cash spent on renovating.

Original poster
finchers · 15/01/2019 07:52

Burrito he's a plasterer so he's got to wait for all the 'dabbers' and 'boarders' to set up the rooms before he can go in and plaster them and not all have gone back to work yet. I do agree though, he should get his finger from up his bum and do more.

OP posts:
XmasPostmanBos · 15/01/2019 08:00

I know it doesn't seem worth waking him when you are up anyway but I think you should do it every time and go back to bed for a nap/rest. Also is there any way you can reduce looking after your sister right away as you are struggling. Ask you mum if she can help.

Tell him you are very disappointed he is not taking more time off for paternity when he is self employed and takes slow spells like now off. He could easily take the time off like he is now then work more later in the year to make up for it. Tell him you will consider it makes him a bad husband and father if he doesn't even try to help you when you need it most.

SushiMonster · 15/01/2019 08:03

What’s changed? He was obviously a good father and partner with the first baby’s or you wouldn’t wanted to have sex with him to create a second one.

Time for a serious Talk.

sparklesq · 15/01/2019 08:07

What a lazy shit. Whether he's in work or not a dad should do 50% and the fact you're pregnant as well is a joke. But the fact you've let him is also a joke. Sort him out or ship him out

pandechocolate · 15/01/2019 08:09

He sounds like a lazy git and should be helping, but personally I wouldn't be allowing it. When your DS wakes up, wake him up. Remind him he said he would help you out more given your circumstances, etc. Don't let him stay asleep.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 15/01/2019 08:09

Well, now you'll soon have 3 children. If you really want to wreck your life even further, have another baby. You need to stop looking after your sister, get a proper FT job and ditch this selfish manchild.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 15/01/2019 08:13

Even without the pregnancy I'd start from the viewpoint of him doing 50pc of wake ups on his days off. Do you have a spare room or somewhere else you can sleep and tell him to set an alarm or tell your son to go wake daddy up in the morning. While you're heavily pregnant he should be doing way more. Please talk to him and explain and ask what he's going to do to make sure he wakes up when his son does if he's a heavy sleeper. What would he do if you weren't there?

Also please get your name put on the house or get married, at the moment if you split you would lose all your savings!!

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