To be pissed off about this “present”?

[Lavenderee]

For example, my brother and his gf gave me my birthday present a month late. I always spend a fair bit on them and their kids, and I put a lot of thought in to it too. I wouldn’t get them something they wouldn’t like or use. This gift they gave me was in a gift bag addressed to the girlfriend. The box had tape and remnants of ripped Christmas paper on it, so it screams “regift” immediately. And the gift in the box is a mini bottle of white wine and some hazelnut truffles. I’m teetotal and allergic to nuts. Both of them know this. They aren’t hard up for money either, but they have a pretty solid weed habit. In the bottom of this gift bag was a crumpled receipt for some supermarket veg and a few bits of loose change. AIBU to decide that I’m going to stop putting all the effort and money into their gifts?? I’ll still buy decent stuff for their kids but this felt so thoughtless. And they’ve asked if I liked the gift.... what am I meant to say? Thanks for the deadly regift??

I'd be annoyed too. I would also do what you're suggesting - don't buy them anything and keep on getting the kids things.

YANBU to be pissed off.

regifting in itself is fine, if the present is suitable! In this case, it's not, and it's badly done. Just sop over spending on them, a token present in the future is more than enough.

*stop

Just give it back to them next year!

I would be fairly honest and say 'well, I was a bit surprised really as it's something I'm allergic to and something else I don't drink'. See what they say to that.

YANBU. Don’t say thank you, they took the piss. Just say no more gifts between the adults from now on.

After another farcical exchanging of gifts this year I’m telling one of my brothers we should both stop bothering (because I can only affect my own behaviour and continuing to make an effort to then stew at their total crapness is stupid, pointless and drives me mad).

Ask for the receipt because you have a nut allergy and don't drink.

I definitely would bring up the fact it was a present with nuts which you’re allergic to!! That’s terrible OP. Has your brother always had form for such shitty gifts?

Yeah it's a bit insulting really. They give not a shiny fuck.

I would call them out on that I think. Its so far past uncaring, it's cruel.

"Hi, thanks for my present. I've been thinking that we should stop doing adult gifts from now on. They get harder to think up every year, don't you find?! All the best."

Are you sure they didn't accidentally give you the wrong gift? It didn't have your name on it and was items you couldn't use. I'd assume there had been a mix-up somewhere. When they asked I'd tell them they accidentally gave you the wrong gift.

I always spend a fair bit on them and their kids, and I put a lot of thought in to it too.

Why do you do this? I have seen this more often than I can remember. "I but amazing, thoughtful gifts for X and Y but they always get me some cheap rubbish." Lesson learned, surely?

YADNBU.
That’s cheap and lazy of them.
Don’t buy them expensive gifts anymore and I’d definitely say something too..

With the nut allergy it would be absolutely fine to have said, "oh, this is no good for me. Nut allergy, you enjoy." Then hand it back.
But in the nicest way. Gifts are not a transaction. You choose to do what you do, if you have no joy / intent to gift without getting something in return then do stop. You're getting cross because the thought/ feeling you invest gifts with are not necessarily what everyone does. You're becoming upset because of the value you place in gifts you feel expresses how you value a relationship.
It might be they care. It might be they don't. Gifts don't really tell you much. My abusive mother still sends me a birthday card every year. Trust me, she hates me.

Very crass of them, I would say thanks for the 'gift' as you know I am teetotal and allergic to nuts. Don't buy for them next year.

Id say it straight out - whatever about being teetotal, giving nuts to a nut allergy sufferer is fucking nuts! What an insult. I'd actually give it back and say you cannot make use of it so let them pass it on again. Stop buying them gifts. They obviously don't give enough of a shit about you to care about exchanging gifts.

I would ask them about it. How crap.

That's horrific!
I'd seriously say something to them!!!

I’d be putting a lot less effort into their gifts in the future. Or tell them you’re not doing gifts for adults anymore as a pp suggested.

And they’ve asked if I liked the gift.... what am I meant to say? Thanks for the deadly regift??

Well, I’d probably rephrase that as “unfortunately I can’t eat the chocolates because of my nut allergy”.

Definitely give it back to them next year

I would’ve said something to them!

I would just be straight with them. Dear bro/sis/inlaw, I'm sure it's just a mistake but I'm allergic to nuts and teetotal and the present is wine and nuts, I think you'd better have it back.

Possibly a bit PA but could you say something along the lines of 'I think you must have given me the wrong bag as the label says X and as you know I dont drink and cant eat nuts so I guess it must be yours'

If it was a mistake then they can rectify it.

I'm with Gnome. I'd do this and then have a conversation a couple of weeks after about stopping adult gifts altogether.