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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off about this “present”?

58 replies

Lavenderee · 14/01/2019 21:08

For example, my brother and his gf gave me my birthday present a month late. I always spend a fair bit on them and their kids, and I put a lot of thought in to it too. I wouldn’t get them something they wouldn’t like or use. This gift they gave me was in a gift bag addressed to the girlfriend. The box had tape and remnants of ripped Christmas paper on it, so it screams “regift” immediately. And the gift in the box is a mini bottle of white wine and some hazelnut truffles. I’m teetotal and allergic to nuts. Both of them know this. They aren’t hard up for money either, but they have a pretty solid weed habit. In the bottom of this gift bag was a crumpled receipt for some supermarket veg and a few bits of loose change. AIBU to decide that I’m going to stop putting all the effort and money into their gifts?? I’ll still buy decent stuff for their kids but this felt so thoughtless. And they’ve asked if I liked the gift.... what am I meant to say? Thanks for the deadly regift??

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 14/01/2019 21:46

That's pretty poor of them. If this is representative of the gifts they give I would respond in kind (well, not quite but I'd stop putting much effort in) in the future. If it's a one-off I'd assume they had a particularly chaotic time of things for some reason and let it slide.

LizB62A · 14/01/2019 21:48

We don't do adult gifts any more - not for this reason, but just to try and take some of the hassle out of Christmas (I'm one of 5, all of us over 40 now, so a pretty big family when you take into account partners and children)

I'd suggest you do the same.

eggsandwich · 14/01/2019 21:50

I would say You’ve given me your gf present by mistake as it has her name on the label and as you know I’m allergic to nuts and I dont drink, when I see you both next we can exchange gift bags.

mumsastudent · 14/01/2019 21:52

gnomedeplume absolutely right - tactful showing self in the right & showing yourself in right - & putting them in their place if they were being mean & selfish & next year a box of biscuits which the dc can share & you can get nice ones from aldi (actually hint to family - I would like some :) )

AlpacaLypse · 14/01/2019 21:57

Was it only a mini bottle of wine??? That is utterly cheapskate!!! misses point of thread

LascellesMoustache · 14/01/2019 22:00

Thats awful Op. What a mean thing to give someone with a nut allergy. Very cruel. I would ask them about it to see what their response was.

FinnegansWhiskers · 14/01/2019 22:01

Did you like the gift we bought you?

"I think you gave me a gift meant for someone else lol. I'm teetotal, as you know, and I don't think my nut allergy will appreciate the chocs containing nuts. I'll drop the bag into you ASAP so it can be delivered to the person it was meant for".

And make sure you give it back, complete with last year's Christmas wrapping paper and gift tag.

Cheapskates! Don't bother getting gifts for them ever again

Stopwoofing · 14/01/2019 22:01

yes I agree you should do what gnome said, there's no excuse for that, they could've got you a nice bottle of bubble bath and it would have been a superior present. They seem like idiots, I'd definitely not to adult presents for them from now on either.

NicolaStart · 14/01/2019 22:02

Re-gift it back as soon as kne of them has a birthday.

BeanTownNancy · 14/01/2019 22:03

Definitely question it. It could all be a misunderstanding. Even if it isn't, I wouldn't let it slide; a random friend maybe, but your own brother should know not to kill you. And asking whether you liked it instead of just ignoring it suggests to me that maybe they actually thought you might like their gift.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/01/2019 22:03

I hope you speak up OP, and say Actually NO, I don't drink and I'm allergic to nuts, and you give me wine and nuts ?! so No I didn't like my gift.

Turn the tide on crap gifts OP, speak UP Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 14/01/2019 22:06

And they’ve asked if I liked the gift.... what am I meant to say? Thanks for the deadly regift??

Well the truth obviously, why wouldn't you say anything? Confused

MrsJDornan · 14/01/2019 22:08

I think you have to be honest, no problem with regifts but blimey make sure it's suitable and doesn't look like someone else had it first

ChasedByBees · 14/01/2019 22:10

You absolutely should tell them they have you something you’re allergic to.

I like Gnome’s idea too.

Lunde · 14/01/2019 22:11

And they’ve asked if I liked the gift

I would say "I'm a little puzzled by the gift - are you sure it was meant for me? As you know I have a nut allergy and don't drink"

Don't let them think that you are happy to be the dumping ground for dodgy regifts!

notangelinajolie · 14/01/2019 22:11

SIL has form for this. One year I received the very same gift I had given to her the previous year. We still buy her presents but try to make her regifting habit as difficult as possible. We give her personalised gifts wrapped in gift paper sellotaped within an inch of its life. I am sure she still gives us regifted presents but I'm pretty convinced she is stuck with ours.

Betty777 · 14/01/2019 22:12

I'm with Apalcalypse - I think the fact that it's not even a full sized bottle of wine is more insulting than the nuts. If it were my brother I would keep it and quietly regift it to him whenever it's his birthday Grin

but I do agree with PP who said gifts aren't transactional. I used to put lots of effort into many pals gifts, just to be disappointed with those they gave me. I remind myself that it's not always as rude as it seems - people all have different strengths and for many that's not getting details right

Original poster
Lavenderee · 14/01/2019 22:12

I think they asked if I liked it because I asked them if their children liked their Christmas gifts. For Christmas, they gave us a box with 5 pairs of food items taken from lidl multipacks, (2 packs of crisps, 2cans of soda, 2 chocolate bars etc) but they haven’t asked us about that. He specifically asked me about the birthday gift and my feeling is that he hasn’t a clue what I was given because he’s too lazy too have sorted anything himself and so is his girlfriend, so I got whatever was lying around because we were going to be crossing paths briefly and they maybe felt awkward when they’d been promising to visit and give me a birthday gift for the last month. So I think I’ve been asked because he hasn’t a clue what I was given.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 14/01/2019 22:16

As it's your db, I'd be sending it back with a reminder that you're teetotal and allergic to nuts. He's been a wanker and grabbed something convenient, rather obviously. Cheapskate!

Yabbers · 14/01/2019 22:16

Just give it back to them next year!
Regift it for the GF’s birthday😂

InspectorIkmen · 14/01/2019 22:16

This is so shit that I simply can't understand why you wouldn't speak up loud and clear about the unsuitability of the 'gift'. Why wouldn't you? They need to know that it would be better to have given nothing that pulled this shoddy stunt.

BunsOfAnarchy · 14/01/2019 22:18

'No, not really. You know i dont drink and im allergic to nuts and youve got (gf name) on the gift tag. Not sure why you'd get me things i cant even eat/drink?'

cordeliavorkosigan · 14/01/2019 22:19

That's really rubbish.
I think it's time to just tell him the plain and honest truth! And to suggest no gifts between adults from now on. If you want to be very clear you could point out that you spend time and money thinking about and getting their gifts, but you respect that they don't 'do' gifts in the same way, so you'd prefer to stop from now on.

KC225 · 14/01/2019 22:20

You have to say something. That is piss poor - I am all for the eye roll at weird gifts but that is not on. You can do the passive aggressive - 'I think you gave me the wrong gift bag - you knowI don't drink and I am allergic to nuts and the gift bag says SIL's name'.

But seriously, I would be more concern about their weed habit and the children.

Ethel36 · 14/01/2019 22:22

Just tell them in a jokey way. "Thanks for trying to kill me guys, you know I'm allergic to nuts and tee total 😂" And see what they say. If they don't rectify it then just stop buying the adults presents.