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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give in to fussy eating child?

85 replies

Sausagefingers9 · 14/01/2019 18:40

He’s currently crying his eyes out that I’ve not given him what he likes to eat. I’m sick of him eating the same few things though, it’s ridiculous.
He’s a carb fiend and refuses all veg. A simple cheese sandwich is his ideal meal.

Today I’ve made a sausage pasta bake for dinner. It’s nice, very tasty. Me and ds1 have really enjoyed it.
He’s starving but absolutely refusing to eat it!

Aibu to let him go to bed hungry?

OP posts:
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/01/2019 18:55

A child with autism may act like this - I know one who lived on white bread and white cheese for years, or white food liquidised and fed by bribery. Better now but still very limited in foods that he will eat.

abbsisspartacus · 14/01/2019 18:56

At that age I would get a plate that separates food stick him infront of the tv to distract him and it will go in

instasham · 14/01/2019 18:56

My parents would just have stood their ground.

In fact, back in the day, what my mum didn’t eat for dinner she got for her lunch the next day Grin

She’s not turned into some food weirdo and neither have I.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/01/2019 18:56

Anyone else getting an ad for a vegan cookery book at the bottom of the page?

Cocobana · 14/01/2019 18:57

Could you compromise and put the veg sausage sauce on top of toast or toasted muffin and melt cheese on top and make a a pizza toastie? At least that way your little one will be getting the nutrients but in a form he may prefer and less stress for you?

Tutlefru · 14/01/2019 18:57

No I’m getting toddler football classes. Grin

mbosnz · 14/01/2019 18:59

The one thing I won't do is make food a battleground. If he won't eat it - this is the alternative. (With an early bedtime as well, because quite frankly I needed the little treasure off, so I could (drink a large glass of wine) breathe. . .

I absolutely hate with a passion, making the kid sit at the table until it's eaten (cue tears, tantrums, and much gnashing of teach on both parties part), or serving it up on every meal until they eat it. I get to choose what gets put in front of the tube, the tube gets to choose what goes down it.

Oh, I also made a huge positive fuss of trying a new food, particularly involving grandparents, ringing them up to tell them what they'd done, with them primed to tell them what marvellous little beings they were, for being so adventurous and brave! (It was double points on the star chart). . .

I had one who was borderline foodphobic, would not eat finger foods, would not eat anything 'juicy', would not eat fruit. In fact, she existed on cheese, ham and marmite sandwiches for 3 months, for breakfast, lunch and tea. . . until she got bored, and went back to what she had been eating, which was a wide range of meat, veges, and a lesser range of fruit. Heh. Heh heh. . .

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/01/2019 19:01

With the non eater we laid the food on the table so that everyone could help themselves.

I told him that he wasn’t allowed waffles as they were all for me (so he swiped one from my place when I was pretending not to look) and DH (cool uncle) dared him to eat some egg. DS was just mooching around eating a carrot so the ‘cool big cousin’ helped there too. It was like performance art to get that child to try food!

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 14/01/2019 19:03

Please don't fight over food. Imagine how you would feel if you were given something you didn't like and forced to sit there, distressed, while someone insisted you eat it because they though it would be good for you in the long run. It's cruel.

BlueJag · 14/01/2019 19:03

If he isn't at school don't worry too much. School dinner will help you. He'll learn quickly to eat what they give him or go hungry.

Greyhound22 · 14/01/2019 19:03

I wish my DS4 would eat a cheese sandwich 😢

I have the fussiest eater ever. It's a very fine line between not making meals a battle and not letting them only eat a preferred food 🤷‍♀️

StartedEarly · 14/01/2019 19:04

The thought of blended sausages is revolting.
That aside you need to decide if you want to make yourself and your child dread every mealtime.

I had two faddy children. I was ashamed and frustrated. However, I never knowingly cooked a meal I knew they disliked. There was much negotiation but no going to bed hungry.
By 8 years old they were improving and by teenage years would eat a reasonable range of food. As adults they both love food and cooking.

BlackeyedGruesome · 14/01/2019 19:04

the mn coercive control adseems appropriate.

serve him the food as separate ingredients. he is a unique human who has his own likes and dislikes that are different to yours. as long as they are eating reasonably life is too short to make meals a battle ground.

Sausagefingers9 · 14/01/2019 19:04

The little nightmare has done a complete turnaround and eaten it! I think he’s just so stubborn but scared, once he tries it he knows it’s not that bad.

FWIW I don’t ever force him to eat anything. I offered it up and gave no alternative. Once it gets to tidy up time the chance to eat has gone.

OP posts:
tinytreefrog · 14/01/2019 19:04

If it were me, I'd have given him a cheese sandwich with a little pasta bake on the side. I always had the three mouthfuls rule. Three mouthfuls of the thing they didn't like, them they could eat the thing they did. Usually worked well.

Sausagefingers9 · 14/01/2019 19:07

I was allowed to be fussy for far too long imo. No one wants to be forced food but I never gave myself the chance to try new things until I was mich older. The thought of trying something new was much scarier than the doing it.

OP posts:
FuckingYuleLog · 14/01/2019 19:07

Has he ever eaten it before? If it’s not the kind of thing he has ever liked I think yabu. Fussy eaters are generally anxious and forcing them to eat things that they hate the look of doesn’t help.
I have a child who doesn’t like trying new things and I’ve found the best ways to encourage eating a varied diet are to remove pressure entirely. Work on small changes to things they like. So a different type of cheese on the sandwich, different breads etc and build on that. Make trying new things have as good as possible a chance of being a positive experience for them. Eat out in cafes and let them choose their food. Eat a variety of snacks yourself and see if they ask to try. Play with food without any pressure to eat it so see who can hold a pea in their mouth for 3 seconds etc. All this kind of thing will take the fear away and it should improve with age imo.
My dc has a pretty varied diet now. He asked me to make a chilli the other day after trying some chilli crisps so anything they try can be a positive step imo.

FuckingYuleLog · 14/01/2019 19:10

Just seen your update. The trying was always the issue with my dc as well and if they did try they’d often like it. I would ask them to have a lick or a small bite and if they liked it it would generally be polished off!

BlueJag · 14/01/2019 19:11

Since ds was able to eat solids properly I've been preparing buffet style and it works great.
This is tonight's dinner he is 13 now but doesn't eat huge amounts.
He finds a big portion of food intimidating.

To not give in to fussy eating child?
IncomingCannonFire · 14/01/2019 19:16

Ds1 was like this from age 2. Just stopped eating proper food and wanted beige crap. We tried all sorts of techniques. He seems to have grown out of it a bit now and does try a lot more stuff and eats a lot more too. I think being firm but fair works. Also starting school and eating school dinners with his peers seems to have done the trick.
Ds2 is doing a similar thing and we're a bit more relaxed this time round.
Good luck. It's soul destroying and ruins meal times.

Annasgirl · 14/01/2019 19:17

You are creating food anxiety which could lead to other anxiety with your child. I say this as s mother to a 12 year old DS who refuses to eat anything beyond carbs and a little meat - burgers and sausages.

I am quite relaxed about it as my DM was very fussy and old ate plain food and she was very healthy until her death aged 76.

My DH has huge food issues - as do all his family - and they all shout at DS about food.

We ended up at a psychiatrist last year as he was refusing all food - turned out DH and his family had made DS so stressed he couldn’t eat.

Psychiatrist said I’m no uncertain terms to leave him alone and let him
Eat plain pasta if that’s what he wants. A yeR later, happy child, happy me, DH still not 100% on board but we will all live!

Annasgirl · 14/01/2019 19:17

Sorry - phone and predictive text. Hope you understand

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 14/01/2019 19:20

FWIW I don’t ever force him to eat anything. I offered it up and gave no alternative. Once it gets to tidy up time the chance to eat has gone.

So you let a four year go hungry?!

secretmetoo · 14/01/2019 19:38

I was a fussy eating child until I got older, didn’t do me any harm. There’s nothing bar snails and oysters I wouldn’t eat now. With my DC, I always ask them to try something before they turn their nose up and I try to offer something new and something I know they’ll definitely eat. Encourage him to try new foods but don’t turn meal times into a battle ground and don’t send them to bed hungry.

Itsnotalwaysfair · 14/01/2019 19:45

blue yum!

op no advice just sympathy. My 4 year old is the same. I ask that she tries everything. She will try literally one pea and refuse more. Today I asked why she doesn't eat vegetables and she explained she doesn't like cooked veg. But raw veg is ok. I try to stay calm but it's a drag. I said yes the other day when she asked if she would die if she never ate veg. Probably not entirely true but she did promptly eat a bowl potato and cabbage soup afterwards.

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