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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think if you want lots of people at your wedding don't make it inconvenient for them

59 replies

gogogoforit · 14/01/2019 13:00

A colleague is getting married this year on a rather remote Greek Island. She was in tears earlier because a lot of her invitees have said they cannot come.

I do feel sorry for her as she obviously thought it was a very romantic choice of location. But it's several hours by boat from Athens and only two boats go a day. Also, obviously, it's expensive for people to attend and will also require a lot of jiggling re annual leave, childcare etc.

AIBU to think that if you are going to get upset if relatives or friends can't come to your wedding, then you really should take them into consideration and be more realistic when choosing a venue?

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 14:03

I've got a wedding coming up which is only taking place 15 miles away. But the stag wants a weekend away (albeit UK) which is just over a 3 hour drive, from Friday - Sunday, so potentially wants people to take a day's holiday, pay for two nights hotel, plus meals, plus drinks (and I suspect it'll be a lot of the latter) and it's for male and female friends. The bride is having a hen day, about 15 miles away, but the same female friends are invited, so they've potentially got two dos AND the wedding to have to pay for. Fuck that.

Butterymuffin · 14/01/2019 14:04

it's several hours by boat from Athens and only two boats go a day

Bloody ridiculous to assume there's going to be much take up for something like this.

thecatsthecats · 14/01/2019 14:07

I went to a wedding in France (semi-destination - bride and groom live there, groom native, but wedding about 3 hours from Paris where they live).

Our friend group all took Monday/Friday off.
9hr journey there Friday.
1hr to get to the venue from where we were staying (3 miles, but only one small taxi, so we had to take turns being ferried around/waiting).
Stayed up Friday night.
Went to wedding til 4am Saturday night.

We justifiably wanted to chill out/explore on the Sunday before the 9hr trip back rather than spend another day in the same place and the bride got really mad at us for not doing the taxi palaver for the fifth/sixth time! She could easily have joined the dozen of us where we were staying, but stayed put.

LadyinLavende · 14/01/2019 14:09

She is being totally ridiculous and seems to have confused honeymoon destination with wedding venue.
Even is she was born on this island and wants to get married "at home" she should not be surprised that few people are prepared to go all that way and spend all that money.
Suggest she gets married in a registry office in the UK for those who she would like to attend but can't make the trip for whatever reason and then has a "ceremony" on the beach if that's what she wants.

GroggyLegs · 14/01/2019 14:14

We didn't have a (very easy to get to) destination wedding because we wanted our friends to be there & knew it was unreasonable.

I can understand that she wants her day to be perfect & beautiful & special. But no, that was a crazy expectation.

amusedbush · 14/01/2019 14:16

DH and I got married abroad and didn't invite anyone at all! I'd hate to spend hundreds/thousands of pounds and use my annual leave to watch someone get married in a place I probably wouldn't have chosen for a holiday.

Odoreida · 14/01/2019 14:17

My friend did exactly this (wonder if it was the same island). She was furious that I didn't choose to make this the only foreign trip I would have that year. She did a lot of organisation, and made it as affordable as possible for her guests, but I had a low salary, high rent and minimal holiday allowance (all of which I used to do other freelance work) so it was a no from me.

cushioncovers · 14/01/2019 14:20

Why on earth did she expect people to say yes? Destination weddings used to be an alternative to having the fuss n hassle of a big wedding with lots of guests. There is no way I could/would entertain paying to go abroad to watch someone get married, really baffles me when couples expect others to do that.

LagunaBubbles · 14/01/2019 14:27

I take it you pointed it out to her about the reasons why she wasn't getting lots of acceptances?

Badtasteflump · 14/01/2019 14:29

Absolutely agree OP

I say that as somebody who had a wedding on a reasonably remote island 20 years ago. We spoke to family and close friends before hand about the feasibility of them being able to come with us. Close family were up for it - if they hadn't been I probably would have binned the whole idea. None of the guests had children yet so they were all up for a group holiday, but if anybody had not been willing to come, I would have completely understood.

Beebumble2 · 14/01/2019 14:30

What Plump said in her last 2 sentences.
We were invited to the fake wedding abroad ( wedding had already taken place a few weeks earlier), no children allowed ( but could go to the next day event??). Also asked for contributions to Honeymoon in a very expensive exotic place.
Needless to say, didn’t go.
What wrong with a lovely, friendly fun wedding in your home area where those you live can attend?

Beebumble2 · 14/01/2019 14:32

Love *

Badtasteflump · 14/01/2019 14:35

Just readthe*thread - I didn't know fake weddings abroad were a thing - why? Why have a fake wedding anywhere, at all?

I thought they were just a 'Don't Tell The Bride' thing!

JustTwoMoreSecs · 14/01/2019 14:36

YANBU
There is only 2-3 people I would go abroad for a wedding for.
Unfortunately IME people try to make you feel guilty when you decline their invitation (that would cost you £500+ per head...)

nevermorelenore · 14/01/2019 14:36

Unless this was a sibling or best friend’s wedding, it’d be a no from me too.

If you’re going to have a destination wedding you need to accept that people won’t be able to make it, and the more remote the destination, the less likely people will be willing to make the trip. You’ll get more takers if it’s somewhere that you can get to on a budget airline and where there’s a choice of hotels. My cousin got married on a Caribbean island and was disappointed that more people didn’t ‘make the effort’. But it was the sort of place you’d need a minimum of a week to visit, hotels were all 4 and 5 star AI type places, and there wasn’t much for kids to do. Perfect for a honeymoon, terrible for taking DC away.

OutPinked · 14/01/2019 14:36

YANBU. If you want to elope, don’t expect the people you love to follow. Not unless you are willing to pay for them and also plan it at a time they can attend I.e not in term time if they are teachers or have children.

SgtFredColon · 14/01/2019 14:38

GoFiguire eh?

SmurfOnThis · 14/01/2019 14:39

I always think when someone has a destination wedding that is going to be expensive/difficult to get to that they don't want people to go an want a smaller affair.

I agree with you OP. It's a shame nobody has told her this, obviously people have been too polite and not been honest with her.

emzw12 · 14/01/2019 14:39

We wanted to have a wedding where everyone could attend - that was more important than the venue / destination. We chose a local village hall which was no more than 5miles for 90% of our guests.
Only two relatives travelled more than an hour. We had 280 guests.
We did it like this because we wanted people there who were our friends and large family rather than going away.
If you go away especially abroad you have to accept that many people won't be able to make it unfortunately.

Grace212 · 14/01/2019 14:40

surely she's got to be quite entitled to be in tears over the fact that some people don't want a major trek and all the costs etc for her wedding?

partypoopers · 14/01/2019 14:44

I’d decline that invitation because I absolutely loathe travelling by boat due to sea sickness no matter how calm the water claims to be

Mayrhofen · 14/01/2019 14:44

I would only attend such a wedding if it were my DS or DD that was getting married.

Mulberry72 · 14/01/2019 14:45

One of my siblings had a destination wedding for their second marriage.

We didn’t go. I’d just been made redundant, DH couldn’t get the time off work, and we didn’t want to take DC out of school. I don’t regret not going, you have to do what is best for you and your family, if people don’t understand then it’s their problem and they’ll get over it.

So, the bride IBU.

InfiniteVariety · 14/01/2019 14:50

it's several hours by boat from Athens

As I get horrendously seasick, this alone would make it a big NO for me

oh4forkssake · 14/01/2019 14:51

Brides (and grooms, but usually brides) are perfectly entitled to say “my day, my way”.
Guests are perfectly entitled to say “my time, my money”.

This should be the first thing said to anybody planning a wedding ever.

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