Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you want lots of people at your wedding don't make it inconvenient for them

59 replies

gogogoforit · 14/01/2019 13:00

A colleague is getting married this year on a rather remote Greek Island. She was in tears earlier because a lot of her invitees have said they cannot come.

I do feel sorry for her as she obviously thought it was a very romantic choice of location. But it's several hours by boat from Athens and only two boats go a day. Also, obviously, it's expensive for people to attend and will also require a lot of jiggling re annual leave, childcare etc.

AIBU to think that if you are going to get upset if relatives or friends can't come to your wedding, then you really should take them into consideration and be more realistic when choosing a venue?

OP posts:
CantWaitToRetire · 14/01/2019 13:06

Lots of people are juggling tight budgets these days, so don't want the expense of air fares or having to use chunks of annual leave to attend a wedding. Your colleague's destination sounds a bit extreme if it requires a several hour boat ride as well as a flight. I would probably have turned the invitation down too.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2019 13:07

I totally agree with you. Personally, I very much dislike destination weddings. As far as I'm concerned, it takes a lot of cheek to expect your guests to use precious vacation time and spend huge amounts of money just to attend your wedding. If a lot of your guests can't attend, don't cry about it. That's the choice you made.

ReflectentMonatomism · 14/01/2019 13:10

Brides (and grooms, but usually brides) are perfectly entitled to say “my day, my way”.

Guests are perfectly entitled to say “my time, my money”.

Brides (same caveat) are entirely unreasonable if they then get upset. “It’s an invitation, not a summons” cuts both ways.

halcyondays · 14/01/2019 13:11

What did she expect? I doubt anyone other than immediate family would go.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/01/2019 13:12

Any destination wedding, wkday wedding, no children wedding is going to severely limit the number of attendees- how does your colleague not realise this?

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 13:12

As far as I'm concerned, it takes a lot of cheek to expect your guests to use precious vacation time and spend huge amounts of money just to attend your wedding

This also applies to hen and stag dos that involve flying or more than one night in a Travelodge if anyone comes from afar and wants to drink.

ReflectentMonatomism · 14/01/2019 13:15

I doubt anyone other than immediate family would go.

I always assumed that was the purpose of destination weddings. When did it become acceptable to transfer the costs of weddings onto the guests?

minipie · 14/01/2019 13:15

Well, duh.

YANBU

MoreCheeseDear · 14/01/2019 13:35

YANBU. No way would I attend a "destination" wedding. Very selfish.

leftovercoffeecake · 14/01/2019 13:37

If you're having a destination wedding, you have to lower your expectations when it comes to guests. That includes your immediate family too.

Essentially, guests are being asked to take an expensive holiday for a destination that they didn't even choose. If having everyone come to her wedding was so important, she definitely should've planned something closer to home.

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/01/2019 13:37

She is being an idiot. Did she really think people could necessarily take annual leave/pay for flights etc - not everyone can afford this, or wants to do it. If you want people to attend make it easy for them. If you want a 'destination wedding' dont assume people will go!

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/01/2019 13:40

PS My ex and I had a destination wedding back in the day before it was fashionable - didnt invite anyone - didnt occur to us to do so - why should be people pay for flights, hotels etc to see us get married!

LoniceraJaponica · 14/01/2019 13:42

Brides (and grooms, but usually brides) are perfectly entitled to say “my day, my way”.

Guests are perfectly entitled to say “my time, my money”.

Love it ReflectentMonatomism Grin
How on earth is she so unaware that most people aren’t prepared to give up their time and money for a difficult to get to destination? She is basically telling her guests that the place she is getting married in is more important than her guests being present.

GoFiguire · 14/01/2019 13:42

But if her mum runs the hotel then the accommodation costs will be free yes?

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 13:44

But if her mum runs the hotel then the accommodation costs will be free yes?

Where have you got that from?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 14/01/2019 13:44

Yes a lot of people are on really tight budgets now. Can she just change her wedding to a UK one?

SummerStrong · 14/01/2019 13:45

She prioritised location over people and is completely unreasonable to be upset or surprised.

CloserIAm2Fine · 14/01/2019 13:48

YANBU

It’s fine to have an inconvenient wedding if that’s what you want. But you can’t then get offended if people can’t/won’t spend vast amounts of time, money and annual leave to attend. It’s the same as you are free to choose a child free wedding but can’t get upset if people can’t/won’t attend without their children.

DGRossetti · 14/01/2019 13:51

A few years ago, a colleague got married in Thailand in term time. He admitted it was mainly to avoid paying for a wedding ... they invited lots of people. But only family were prepared to go.

Wish we'd done that. Would have saved a fortune.

Confusedbeetle · 14/01/2019 13:52

Sometimes the main objective of a destination wedding is to put people off that you otherwise would have to invite. Other times it's just unbelievably selfish to expect your guests to do it. It is often a cheaper option for the bride and a massive cost to everyone else

DontCallMeCharlotte · 14/01/2019 13:52

I've been invited to a wedding on a Greek Island which will include a ferry trip (it's not random, bride's father is Greek). We don't know the date yet (not this year) but we will be out there like a shot.

Your bride should have sounded out the "crowd" before she booked.

partinor · 14/01/2019 13:59

I can understand her being upset. But realistically the only people who will go are close family and friends, and those who want to go to this place for a holiday.
Also sounds a tiring trip for older relatives to take. I can imagine my mum and dad would find it too much so would not go.

KC225 · 14/01/2019 14:00

Gofigure Someone has been sniffing round the Mamma Mia script again

PlumpSyrianHamster · 14/01/2019 14:00

YANBU. It's amazing how many entitled couples believe guests should kowtow to whatever they want 'if you really love us you'll make the effort' bollocks. She's unreasonable to get upset that people decline. On top of that, a lot of these weddings aren't legal in the UK so you're expecting guests to pay to watch you fake getting married. Couples like this usually also ask for a cash gift. WTAF?

partinor · 14/01/2019 14:01

And it used to be when people got married abroad, they went by themselves. It was a way of having no guests and avoiding difficult family situations.