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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling sad for my baby

88 replies

Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 12:20

It's my babies first birthday today and not one relative from his dad's side has bothered to send a card, want to see him or wish him a happy birthday. His dad and I are together so there's no excuse for not reaching out. I know he's only small and wont remember any of this but it's the thought that counts, isn't it?

None of them have bothered with him since he was born so AIBU to be feeling hurt by this today, because I should know better by now.

Fwiw DP's other children from previous relationship at least get a bloody card.

His family get on with his ex but don't like me, so take this out on our baby by pretending he doesn't exist.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 16:23

@tillytrotter1 yeah I'm a bit disheartened that they didn't give or make him a card. We got them one each on their birthdays from him and signed their gifts from him too.

Mind you, I suspect it's their mother behind that one in telling them not to bother!

@loubluee aww thank you:)

OP posts:
Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 16:25

@IncomingCannonFire thank you incoming. Funnily enough they do tend to show more interest in the female children as the family mostly have boys.

They can shove their interest in our daughter if they have none in our son, although I'm not expecting her to be acknowledged either tbb

OP posts:
FrenchJunebug · 14/01/2019 16:30

my parents came to see their only grandchild for the first time when he was 8 months old. We go and see them once a year. I do not feel sad for my son I feel that for them that they are missing out! Concentrate on you child and your life with him and do not feel sorry for your child.

MissEliza · 14/01/2019 16:58

Are your family interested and involved?

Lavenderdays · 14/01/2019 17:40

Hope you're feeling okay MorningCoffee x

Thanks for all the suggestions as to how to make dds 1st birthday lovely; a lot of it is about me and how I do feel the lack of extended family, I'm determined not to let it make me feel rubbish and focus on dd x

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 18:32

DS had his cake smash and loved it, I got some fantastic photos that look quite professional if I do say so myself Grin

He's now passed out on the sofa after his bath, I think he's had a lovely day so I'm much happier than I was this morning.

It's the same with me lavender, I was sad and projecting that into DS. In reality my DS and your DD won't lose any sleep over extended families.

Yes mine are involved Eliza, I only have a few relatives (only two of which live local) but I'm glad that they love and don't forget about him.

OP posts:
MissEliza · 14/01/2019 19:37

Glad you've had a good day Op. it's good that your dcs at least have involved grandparents on one side but I know what you mean. My ILs definitely favour my BIL's dcs. Of course it bothers me but much more now that my DM has passed away and my dd no longer has a granny to spoil her on her birthday. My DM had a real knack of choosing little gifts for dd. This year my MIL presented my dd with a pair of ugly earrings that used to belong to her. DD is easy going and polite but she was struggling not to look bothered.
(I also have older teenage boys but they're passed the stage of fussing about birthdays)

Lavenderdays · 14/01/2019 19:46

Good to hear you've had a good day x.

Did you mention a cake smash...what is it? I like the sound of it x

TheBigBangRocks · 14/01/2019 19:52

It does sound like two very separate families, there's no mention of the other children in the birthday celebrations etc. Maybe they are reacting to that and that's why they make an effort with the others.

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 22:30

@MissEliza I'm sorry for the loss of your DM she sounded lovely Flowers It's crap when people show favouritism to certain children and others get sidelined isn't it.

@Lavenderdays it's a popular thing for babies and toddlers, you buy them a cake and take photos as they smash it to pieces! It's very messy but alot of fun and you and up with some brilliant pictures. Would definitely recommend having a bath ready ran for afterwards though, DS looked like he'd swam through mud Grin

@TheBigBangRocks I'd love for the other children to be involved in birthday celebrations and have always extended the invitation, as well as many olive branches. Unfortunately the adults attitude towards me makes it difficult - but the invitation is always there.

OP posts:
MissEliza · 14/01/2019 23:35

Op thank you for your kind words. It really does mean something. I'm so glad you had a nice day and made some lovely memories to take forward.

Lavenderdays · 15/01/2019 09:26

Like the sounds of the cake smash morningcoffee, will give that one a go!

CosmicComet · 15/01/2019 09:34

I’m thrilled that my bitch of a MIL doesn’t take much interest in my DS. It means he doesn’t need to have anything to do with a piece of shit like her. OP it’s a blessing in disguise that toxic people don’t want to be in your child’s life!

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