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AIBU?

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Original poster

Maid of honour wedding costs..

90 replies

JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 20:23

I'm maid of honour for my best friends wedding in June.

I must say, it's the easiest MOH job ever, because she wants everything to be her way and perfect.

The Hen Do is looking at about £100 for an overnight stay and spa thing..
The makeup trail is costing £40 and the girl isn't even that good!
The bridesmaid dresses that we have to pay for that's she's just sent in the group chat range from £115-£225!!
The rooms at the place where they're staying are £100 per night - splitting it with another bridesmaid the night before but me and my bf have recently split up so the second night I will be paying on my own.. so £150 for the rooms.

AIBU to think that not everyone has all this spare money to throw away?!
And AIBU by telling her that I and probably some other people won't be able to afford all this?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 21:36

@elasticfantastic well.. I'm a short arse so I don't see the point in me wearing any nice shoes because you won't be able to see them anyway as were having long dresses apparently.
I wanted to wear flip flops or sliders but got told I wasn't allowed when I mentioned it a few month ago 😂😂

OP posts:
katmarie · 13/01/2019 21:37

When I got married I paid for everything for my bridesmaids, except underwear. All had dresses and shoes, Jewellery and hair accessories. The adults had hair and makeup on the day, and my moh had a hair trial too. I even bought them matching slip on flat shoes for when their feet hurt. I also offered them a room in the hotel subsidised by us. They didn't have to stay but if they wanted to, I wanted to make sure it was manageable. They paid for the hen do, we went bowling and for a meal, and it was fabulous fun.

Basically I wanted the people who took part in my wedding to love the experience, and to not feel under stress or pressure at all. We budgeted accordingly, to make sure that was possible. These people are my friends and family, the last thing I would want is for my wedding day to cause them stress or hardship, that just seems ridiculous to me.

Misstomrs2016 · 13/01/2019 21:37

I just think it’s really unfair asking someone to be a bridesmaid/maid of honour shouldn’t come at an expensive cost to you, as you said your money you earn should be able to be spent on what you enjoy spending it on, not budgeting for being your friends maid of honour. I just don’t see how brides have the cheek to ask their maids to pay for all this. Well done OP for messaging her though, as previous posters have said some of the other maids may be feeling the same & haven’t spoke up themselves.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 13/01/2019 21:38

You can still be there early to make sure things go to plan. There isn't going to be a wedding related emergency at 4am!! Just promise to get there for 5.30 or something. And get a taxi back after or stay in a cheaper place nearby

Can you say you had a bad reaction to the make up and do your own?

I think as MoH you're always going to have to shell out for things like hen do and expenses to attend the wedding but I think it's fair enough to sat £150 on a dress you haven't chosen and won't wear again istoo much

waterrat · 13/01/2019 21:40

I would personally speak out against the hotel costs - it's just a total waste of money sleeping over when you live nearby. You will be exhausted and feel like shit if she wants you up at six am - that is bonkers. It's supposed to be an enjoyable day not gruelling.

I think a trial of make up and hair is ludicrous as well. Just get it done nicely on the day for god's sake. She is being a serious bridezilla.

Just tell her you don't want a make up or hair trial and you aren't staying in the hotel.

waterrat · 13/01/2019 21:42

Oh good read your update.

She needs someone to have words with her !

Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 21:42

@Misstomrs2016 thank you! I've messaged her privately, not on the group chat we have but I've been speaking to one of the other bridesmaids as well and she's not too happy but probably won't say anything. She's changing jobs soon to less pay so it's a struggle for her.

@AmIRightOrAMeringue I just checked and everything is starting at 6am so I might just stay the night before but not the night of the wedding and go home with my mum. A taxi will cost a fair bit 🙈

OP posts:
category12 · 13/01/2019 21:43

If the other bridesmaid also thinks she's being unreasonable, you should speak to her together.

Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 21:44

@waterrat we live about half hour - an hour away, I think!

I'll see what my mum says about her going to the night do and if she is I'll go home with her.
If I stay the night before I'll be sharing with another bridesmaid so room will only be £50 but if o stay the night of the wedding I'll be on my own so will be paying £100

OP posts:
Misstomrs2016 · 13/01/2019 21:47

Keep us updated OP with her replies Smile

Veganforlife · 13/01/2019 21:50

I've turned down a friend who asked me to be bridesmaid.i sorry. I just can't afford it and I don't like being looked at.she was ok about it...I think you need to tell her you can't do it and quick

Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 21:52

@Misstomrs2016 she just said that she understands. I haven't replied to her haha. But she's been okay about it.

She just put it another group chat though about the hen do and wanting the deposit.

I just feel like a cheapskate and stuff. To be honest I don't even know how they're affording all this anyway.. that's another story anyway 🙄

I'd say I'm gonna go try get some sleep but I won't be able to now anyway because of all this bloody shite 😂😩🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 21:53

@Veganforlife the wedding is June this year so can't really back out now.. I know I've probably had a long time to think about it but I didn't realise we were paying for so much stuff 🙈

She's only really just started getting prices together for stuff in the last month or so

OP posts:
OfficeSlave · 13/01/2019 21:58

Good work, I am glad for you. It looks like you are making progress, I am glad she has said she is fine with it. It really might make her think! I hope you get to speak to her about the hotel too, because that is still a bonkers cost considering the dresses and everything else.

MissMacaron · 13/01/2019 22:01

I was maid of honour for a friend around five years ago and it cost me £900. I wanted to weep when I totalled it up, and they were a bit shitty about the fact I got them (a thoughtful and personal tokenish gift) rather than giving them money on top too!

Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 22:06

@OfficeSlave I'm gonna make my mum come and get a lift off someone and then she can drive me and my car back that night. Or I might not even drink because the drinks will be about £15 a go 🙄😂😂

@MissMacaron oh god I never though of a wedding gift as well!

OP posts:
joanmcc · 13/01/2019 22:08

The hen and hotel seem reasonable but, and this applies to all brides and grooms, it is cheap and tacky as fuck to choose an outfit/make up/look for someone and make them pay for it.

Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 22:09

I wouldn't mind if they were having a small do because They couldn't afford but they're paying £14000 for the venue and then there's everything else on top of that 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBeenNosey · 13/01/2019 22:10

Actually, no I probably would still mind!

OP posts:
PippaPug · 13/01/2019 22:15

I got my bridesmaids dresses in November and although I listened to them about cut and colour I picked and therefore paid for the dresses - David’s bridal was pretty good for them, sizes from 0 - 30 of all different styles and colours and starting from around £80/90 each dress

Magenta46 · 13/01/2019 22:19

well bugger that for a game of soldiers.

Magenta46 · 13/01/2019 22:22

Her wedding, her bloody bill. So glad I've never encountered this sort of entitled shit with my friends

grimupnorth1 · 13/01/2019 22:34

Completely mad. I recently got married and didn't let any of my BM's pay for a single thing. I wanted them to be a part of my day and I wanted things a certain way so I had to foot the bill.

YANBU to tell her not everyone will be able to afford it, she's probably so wrapped up in the wedding planning she hasn't actually stopped to think how much it is costing each of you. Maybe gently point out to her exactly how much this is going to end up costing you all

BunsOfAnarchy · 13/01/2019 22:46

I wouldnt bother with a makeup trial. If she wants you have a trial...she can pay! I dont get why the BMs need one. Surely only bride needs it?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/01/2019 05:19

Two make up trials ffs! How unaware this woman is...

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