Maid of honour wedding costs..

[JustBeenNosey]

I'm maid of honour for my best friends wedding in June.

I must say, it's the easiest MOH job ever, because she wants everything to be her way and perfect.

The Hen Do is looking at about £100 for an overnight stay and spa thing..
The makeup trail is costing £40 and the girl isn't even that good!
The bridesmaid dresses that we have to pay for that's she's just sent in the group chat range from £115-£225!!
The rooms at the place where they're staying are £100 per night - splitting it with another bridesmaid the night before but me and my bf have recently split up so the second night I will be paying on my own.. so £150 for the rooms.

AIBU to think that not everyone has all this spare money to throw away?!
And AIBU by telling her that I and probably some other people won't be able to afford all this?

@PoutySprout I wish I could. I just feel awful.
She's a lovely lass and her hearts in the right place but she lives in a dream world with her head in the clouds.

I paid for all BM shoes, hair and dress and accessories, I would never every dream of asking them to pay, how rude.

She should be paying for dress, make up trial and accommodation since you've been so kind as to be her bridesmaid. I've been bridesmaid three times this year and the only thing I have paid for is hen parties and shoes

My hen do was a local Chinese buffet and a day at Alton Towers.

And I would add the hen was discussed widely before booking to ensure everyone was on board, aware of costs and those who preferred just joined for the group dinner without the added accommodation costs.

@Spanglybangles @Aeroflotgirl this seems to be what generally happens I've figured..

I THINK shes paying for the hair and makeup on the day but we still need to pay for the trails which is about £80 for them.

I've got two tattoo sessions booked in jan and Feb and I'm gonna have to cancel one to pay for this.
I know tattoos are expensive but I work for my money and I want to do what I want with it and not spend a months wage on being a bridesmaid 🙈🙈😂

She's a CF for sure. When I got married, I paid for the bridesmaids dresses and hair/make up. They wore their own sandals that they already had.
They did pay for their own rooms in the hotel (both had long term bf's) but got a discounted rate as members of the bridal party.

I've been a bridesmaid myself and paid for my own room, but the bride paid for the dress, hair and makeup. I wore my own shoes.

I wish I could. I just feel awful.
She's a lovely lass and her hearts in the right place but she lives in a dream world with her head in the clouds.

She’s being a twat. And you’re enabling her.

Unacceptable. Bride and groom pay for bridesmaid dresses and make up and hair. The room is a bugger, I'd say that and the hen do are on you.

This is why so many decline being a bridesmaid. When did the bride start expecting the maids to pay for the dresses she chooses?

Hi Lovely Friend, I am very sorry but I simply just can't afford to pay £225 for dress plus makeup artist etc. How about xyz?
Hen do and accommodation seem fairly reasonable tbh

My mum is invited to the night do so I might just go home with her on the night so I don't have to pay for the room on my own 🙈

Meant to be going out for a meal for the groom to be's birthday in feb.. I'm gonna message her now and tell her that I can't afford that because of EVERYTHING IM PAYING FOR THE WEDDING!
Sorry for the capitals 😂🙈🙈

Bride pays for dress. If she wants makeup then that’s on her.
I wouldn't be paying £100 for a room either, i don't think that’s reasonable.
Go up on the day and stay on the one night.

Though tbh tattoos are hardly an essential, whereas friendships are. She needs to be more thoughtful for sure, but I'd be hurt if my MOH was crying off because of being skint but prioritising getting new tattoos....

So glad I was a MNetter before I got married as it really encouraged me to see things from guests and wedding party point of view.
If you've never been married you won't have any experience of planning a wedding. You get constantly bombarded by messages and images of things you should be doing in order to have a " perfect" day.
Your bride needs stuff pointing out to her. Reign her in on the shit no one needs and make sure she up stands guests need to be fed watered and not left standing around for photos for too long.

You are exactly correct that many people don’t have that kind of money to throw away! I wish more people would be as thoughtful. I can never believe that some brides put all these expectations on people they supposedly love/like. I find it all really gross.

I don’t get why on earth someone should have to buy a dress because someone else wants to get married, whether bride choosing it or bridesmaids ‘choice’. I don’t think on any occasion it should be ok to ask someone to be their bridesmaid and then make the, buy dresses, shoes, hair makeup. Maid of Honour is such a mental term sometimes nowadays.

I adore my friends and once in a lifetime event or not, I couldn’t afford that and neither can thousands, millions of folk who simply do not have the funds for these hen dos, let alone attending a wedding in itself.

I think it would be really kind to bring it up to her as it might help out some other poor attendee who is worrying about finances too. so many people feel incapable of saying no to all this too as it’s seen as stingy, or ‘come on it’s a one off/ it’s your best friend getting MARRIED you can’t say no, you evil toad / how could you be so CRUEL. Which again is all just bullshit.

Why are you paying for all that stuff?? She’s taking the piss. If she wants you to be bridesmaid she should be paying for outfits, hair and makeup. If you live 30min away just get a minibus on the morning and one home at night. As for getting up at 6am lol, is there just 1 person doing all hair and makeup?? That’s the only reason I can think of that you might need to get up so early, you’ll all be flagging before you’ve even walked up the aisle!

The bride should pay for the dresses, hair & makeup and bridesmaids generally wear their own shoes (although if she wants you all in matching shoes that have to be purchased then she pays)

I'd also not stay over the night before, but get there bright and early for your hair and make up.

The rest then starts to look a bit more affordable.

She needs to brush up on her wedding etiquette.

I do think the hen do is a reasonable cost, especially when you look at the other thread on AIBU tonight about the 3 night abroad hen do...

But when did weddings become so bloody expensive, especially for the wedding party? Shoes, dresses / suits, hen dos, make up, hair - all at the cost of the bridesmaids, or best man, parents of the flower girls / page boys.

When I got married 20 odd years ago, I only had one bridesmaid (who I said she could wear whatever she wants, do her own make up / hair) and one flower girl (I paid for the dress). And that was about the norm in my circle back then.

Seriously some weddings now cost £££ for people only attending the wedding!

Those costs don’t seem that much tbh. I’ve seen a lot worse on here. If you can’t afford it / don’t want to pay though, you’ll have to be honest with her.

When I got married I paid for everything for my bridesmaids, including a gift to say thank you. As a bride you budget for bridesmaids/ groomsmen and they hardly seem like their having a wedding on a budget with a £14,000 venue. Speak to her OP tell her it’s a lot of money for one day.

Though tbh tattoos are hardly an essential, whereas friendships are.

Yes but I want to be able to spend my money on what I want, I work hard for it.
I don't want all my wage to be going on one day.

I've messaged her saying I'm not having the makeup trial done and I'm not going to the meal for the groom to bes birthday.
Next step is speak about the room 🙈

@Misstomrs2016 she's just said that they've just paid £1300 for a videographer.
She was also wanting to pay an extra £1000 to have a light up dance floor..
So yeah, that money there could have gone on what we're having to fork out for bridesmaid stuff.

I've messaged her anyway and she said she understands 🙄🙈😂

I’d get her a book on good manners for her wedding present! You’re doing her a favour by being part of her wedding so she should be paying for everything bar the hen do, and if that means she has to scale back her budget elsewhere then so be it.

Well done in telling her you're not having the make up trial.

I can't believe that brides expect bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses! Is this even a thing?!

As a bride , if I ask people to be my bridesmaid I assume I'm paying for their dresses as I'm choosing them!

My bridesmaids bought their own shoes but that was because I bought full length dresses and so said where whatever shoes you want... so they all wore whatever they wanted on their feet that they could wear again. I know at least one just wore her usual "going out " shoes which was fine.