Advice on financial situation...

[Midnightspecial]

A & B are a couple, together 7 years and living together.

Person A earns £25k a year and has approximately £10k in savings.

Person B earns £76k a year and has £94k in savings, plus a further £18k inheritance just recieved.

Couple need to put money towards something this will cost roughly £18-20k and is to be split 50/50 so each person pays £9-10k each towards it.

Person A has piped up now the inheritance has come through and said that they feel it isn’t ‘fair’ that they have to wipe out their life savings completely and that they want to pay less than half. When asked why, they have just said it doesn’t feel right that one person is left with nothing and the other left with a lot.

Person B thinks that it isn’t fair that they pay more. That it was agreed half and, really, that’s that.

Thoughts?

Really helpful advice 2 years later

Hard to tell a zombie thread when using the app. This is the third zombie in the trending list tonight.

I think it depends on a few things, like what it’s actually for, why they were going 50:50 on it in the first place, why B is earning more than A, whether A is more a spender and B more a saver, how they’ve handled prior joint expenditure, other financial commitments they may each have etc.

When I got married I had less money that STBXH.

I wanted a wedding that coat about £4K and to split it down the middle, as that’s what I could afford.

He wanted a wedding about £25k as that’s what he could afford and he has a larger family than me etc.

He said he’d pay. I fought that for a while saying I wanted for us to be equals but he was insistent.

I ended up feeling so guilty and beholden. I did all the organising, but corners on things that would have been meaningful to me (dress, flowers etc) in order that I didn’t feel “greedy” spending someone else’s”/ money on myself.

It caused a lot of resentment.

@AlmostThereMaybe one of the OPs few posts does state what it's for...and also the thread is from 2 years ago.

Oh my... why does this keep happening... so many Zombies...

Who wants a wedding costing that amount? If it's all joint decisions, B should probably pay more.
If A has developed more extravagant taste than originally agreed, can see B's perspective more.
But really it all seems academic once married and if it isn't seen as a full union don't bother

Not sure what the couple's status is.

Common law relationship? Scotland? England?
Married?

You have not said.

It makes a difference.

Normal purchase in a dating couple, 50/50 regardless of savings or salary, the lower earner can always move jobs, take a second one etc if they want more money left over.
I’d never spend £20k on a wedding and wouldn’t empty my savings pot for a party. If that was what the other person wanted re spending so much, I’d be looking at my relationship. Marriage is about the vows and commitment not the money or the whole big day.

B is a tightfisted git and I wouldn't marry them if I was A.

I wonder what happened. Guess with COVID, likely not a lot.

ZOMBIE THREAD

The wedding is unaffordable for A.

A&B should pay for the wedding as they mean to handle finances while married, so proportionally. This means that A should pay at most 25% and B should pay at least 75%.

I don’t think the inheritance should be counted at all.

I think they need to split up. Its not going to work. Their attitudes to money and sharing are too different.

It would depend on if B was happy with a £20k wedding in the first place, especially if they were being expected to stump up most of the cost. If A had decided on a £20k wedding but expected B to pay for the bulk of it then I can see B getting quite shirty. On the other hand, if they both want everything in that wedding then there should be a difference in contribution.

Given there is a large disparity in earnings and savings I would think that person B should pay more especially if it is for a wedding. I would be seriously concerned that they do not see them as a couple even though they are getting married. What happens in the future if they have children and person A takes maternity/paternity leave. Will Person B step up and cover outgoings?

Who won I wonder, and are they still together?

Person a and person b should not have his and hers savings. They should have combined savings and take the money from their combined pot.
If either person thinks this is wrong they should not be getting married as it's a equal partnership.

If one person is reneging on an agreement to pay half towards their OWN WEDDING to the other person, then it is doomed.

a) reduce budget to a more comfortable sum. Did A or B come up with the budget? If A came up with the budget and is now squealing then they need to re-assess priorities

b) realise that marriage brings a level of combining of worldly goods

Clearly person A is right. If person B loves person A they shouldn't want to see person A use up all of their savings.

@KintsugiCat

When I got married I had less money that STBXH.

I wanted a wedding that coat about £4K and to split it down the middle, as that’s what I could afford.

He wanted a wedding about £25k as that’s what he could afford and he has a larger family than me etc.

He said he’d pay. I fought that for a while saying I wanted for us to be equals but he was insistent.

I ended up feeling so guilty and beholden. I did all the organising, but corners on things that would have been meaningful to me (dress, flowers etc) in order that I didn’t feel “greedy” spending someone else’s”/ money on myself.

It caused a lot of resentment.

If your plan was 4K and the budget was 25k no idea why you were cutting costs on everything that you wanted, some of this seems in your head ‘oh I can’t… oh I have to prioritise him…’

A should consider carefully before marrying tightwad B. I paid most of our wedding as we were young and I started working earlier. In b’s situation I’d have paid it all without a thought. In A’s situation there is nothign not lifesaving that I’d wipe my savings out on, so the wedding would have to cost about 8k total (no idea how to do that personally, I’d probably tell the tightwad fiancé we had to skip everything he wanted in the wedding to tailor it to my budget.). Strong feelings about tightwad B insisting their partner wipe out their life savings just for the highly dubious pleasure of marrying them!!
Someone should word A up that they need to talk about if A contributes less to the house deposit will they be allowed to think of it as their house or will b be resentful? If a is female and they have children will b expect to pay most expenses while a is off on mat leave? Sounds like the type that would expect A to have saved up and once again wipe out their life savings to pay their mat leave. Seriously, if you’re close to A flag these things. It’s so important to talk about them before a marriage.

Person B is a total nob and person A should not marry them until and unless they can come to a much better agreement re. shared and equitable finances.

Now I want to know what happened! @Midnightspecial, care to update us?

If they're getting married won't it become their money?

Does B really want to join their lives with someone then let them have a lower quality of life/less control over money (unless they split in a decade or two which leaves A much better off!)

I think if they're adamant about keeping finances separate and both A and B desperately want the fancy wedding too they should split it £5k-£15k. If B isn't fussed about fancy wedding stuff half and half sounds ok but if B driving fancy wedding then B should pay.

Person B is right. If it is a shared expense, share it equally. Person A should be grateful to B because A would not be able to do it at all alone….