Advice on financial situation...

[Midnightspecial]

A & B are a couple, together 7 years and living together.

Person A earns £25k a year and has approximately £10k in savings.

Person B earns £76k a year and has £94k in savings, plus a further £18k inheritance just recieved.

Couple need to put money towards something this will cost roughly £18-20k and is to be split 50/50 so each person pays £9-10k each towards it.

Person A has piped up now the inheritance has come through and said that they feel it isn’t ‘fair’ that they have to wipe out their life savings completely and that they want to pay less than half. When asked why, they have just said it doesn’t feel right that one person is left with nothing and the other left with a lot.

Person B thinks that it isn’t fair that they pay more. That it was agreed half and, really, that’s that.

Thoughts?

"If I were A's friend I would suggest scaling back massively on the wedding. I'm not going to bang on about how I did it for £2.50 in my dressing gown and slippers with a chippy tea afterwards"

veggiepigsinpastryblankets - 😂😂😂

100k v 10k? no brainer i woldnt be spending it all on a wedding if thats all i had

are they that tight

Stealth boast that this ‘couple’ have £100k in combined savings, £100k annual income?

Shame they are not “committed” enough to consider each other though. My dh would never expect me to contribute to something like our new kitchen as I earn substantially less than him and we pool our incomes and savings. Dh earns £100k+ I earn less than £12k but he’d never consider something to be more his than mine, because we are a couple, in a committed relationship Sorry, but having his and hers bank accounts just seems off somehow.

We were in a similar position - DH earning more than twice what I earn and six figure savings. He paid for everything except my dress.

Our costs have always been split relative to how much we earn - I think I currently pay 2/7ths of everything.

DH would have struggled to let me wipe out my savings when he had that amount sat there doing nothing, and I would have had some resentment that he was being so tight.

Surely this is what savings should be used for.

A cannot afford a £20K wedding on their salary. I can't imagine marrying someone with that attitude B has to money. As soon as they are married the money is all shared family money anyway so what is the point in this? It seems most sensible the inheritance pays for the whole wedding and both keep the savings.

I wish people would shut up about inheritances, they are not joint money, even if married. No such thing as family money but should look after each other. Who owns your house? These people are not dating, they live together. B has been stashing it away all that time. How do you share bills and housework, do you have or plan kids?
Also you can keep savings you had before but it's a bit mean not to share. Incomes and assets gained in marriage should be equalised, that's what will happen in a divorce.
B is a complete tightwad and should pay for the bloody wedding. A is an idiot to marry such a cunt. I presume it's your own wedding?

If it is for A and B's wedding, then I think A should think very seriously about marrying B.
B doesn't see the relationship as two equals getting together and forming an equal partnership, but more as two individuals getting together to live under the same roof.

If I was person B I probably would suggest using my inheritance to pay for the wedding. Then we both still have all savings and we have had a lovely wedding...

With limited resources for the future, why on earth are you blowing 20k on a wedding?

If you can't agree on how to pay for one day, how are you going to organise the rest of your lives without falling out over money?

I'll go to a registry office and get married. Waste of money and it's already costing an argument even before is happening.
It's going to wipe out one person's whole savings.
It isn't unreasonable to want to keep the arrangement of 50/50 but I personally would hate to surrender all my savings.

If it's for the wedding to each other, massive red flags.

Female perspective here:

I was person B financially when I got married.

1. They need to go and budget what they can actually afford. It is ridiculous to spend your entire life savings on a wedding.

1. The split should reflect how they’ve agreed to split finances after the wedding. That might not be a joint pot - in my case it was a second marriage with far more complicated blended family finances that all in.

1. In principle I think B should pay more - and a B myself, I did. But it’s not totally clearcut. If A wants an expensive wedding car that B doesn’t give a fuck about, it’s fair that A pays for that.

Person should pay more unless they are happy for a £5k wedding and its person A insisting on a £20k one, in this case, they are being generous to put the same amount.

I'd say it depends on how you're going to handle money after you're married.

If it's all going to be joint once you're married, it's a moot point as both A and B's savings will become jointly owned. If you're going to keep finances separate, then each party should put in an amount in line with what they feel comfortable spending and the wedding should be tailored to that amount! If A only feels comfortable spending £2000 out of their £10k savings, then B can either stump up the difference if B wants a £20k wedding, or B can choose to contribute less and the wedding will have to be more modest. But no, I don't feel that B should have to foot more than 50% of the wedding if he/she doesn't want to, unless B is insisting on the more expensive option.

But before any kind of wedding takes place, I suggest that A and B sit down and have a serious discussion about finances. More than just who will pay for what, but about financial 'philosophies' and financial goals. I'd say that at least as many marriages end due to money differences as end due to infidelity. It doesn't matter if a couple has been living together amicably paying bills. Marriage changes things!

Whose idea was it to have a 20k wedding, if its person A then its a game changer. Also how have the finances been managed so far, is it a 50/50 split living together or has B been chipping in the major share?

When you say "a wedding" I am presuming you mean their wedding, Person's A and B? Not that they have been asked to attend a wedding in, Oh, I dunno, Maui?

I would expect person B to spend far more of their money on this than person A - it should be a percentage.

So, if they need £20k, person A should contribute £2k and person B £18k

I would not marry person B if they were kicking up about this to be honest. Not unless Person B would be happy with a tiny wedding and it is person A demanding all the bells and whistles, and then pouting about the cost.

Weddings do not need to cost £20k.

If it’s this complicated before the wedding how is it going to be after

When they have kids etc will the divide still exist. It should be family money if they are having this commitment

Can OP clarify whose wedding this is please? Yours or somebody else's for eg an adult (step) child ?

It depends on if A had been saving for the wedding, but was now having cold feet against actually using the cash for that. I'd opt for a cheaper wedding

I wouldn’t marry B if I were A.

The amount of money someone earns isn’t a representation of their worth.

If you’re marrying someone and happy for them to have a considerably lower standard of living because you earn more then you’re a douche.

If you think everyone should contribute equally rather than fairly then you shouldn’t get married.

I cannot imagine earning more than twice my husband and expecting him to pay the same proportion of everything as me - it’s insane.

It’s not all joint as soon as you’re married.

On divorce, savings are a marital asset subject to court ruling where necessary on how they should be divided and one party may have a claim with can be very far off 50/50 if that’s what you mean by joint.

I am married with 10x the savings of my husband. He has absolutely no legal right to go dipping into those whilst we are married. They are not joint. If he withdrew my money, it would be fraud and theft.

We are missing details. As I said above, I was Person B and paid about £9K to my H’s £1K.

But if Person A wants a £20K do and B wants only a £5K do - too right A should pony up for the extras that only they want.

A & B shouldn’t be getting married at all if one of them is in the position of asking the Internet.

As soon as they are married the money is all shared family money anyway so what is the point in this?

I doubt this will be the case.

B will be one of those who expects to keep al their salary and still expect A to go halves on everything.

Plenty of people like it - usually the man but not always by any means.

I wouldn’t want to marry B.

+1. I can’t stand people who are tight in this way and I sure as hell wouldn’t marry one.

Person A was perfectly happy to spend their life savings on a ridiculously expensive wedding before the inheritance came into play so I don't see why they are now saying they don't want to be left with nothing. Why spend so much money on one day if you can't really afford it?