Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To accept Child Support years later

99 replies

Childsupport · 13/01/2019 11:12

I'd love some opinions on this please!

ExH lied to CSA/CMS for about 4 years, about his Salary. He managed to convince them, that he earned significantly less than he really did. He was earning £130k+ , but they believed he was earning £60k, then 32k, then £50k. It was a right mess, and I was flabbergasted that CSA/CMS didn't query a fluctuating salary, especially when I repeatedly told them that it was wrong, but they didn't.

I wrote to complain, and long story short, it would appear that this whole sorry mess has caught up with him, because my complaint was taken seriously. Albeit, it's actually taken them 3 years to investigate this, due to huge backlogs. Apparently the CMS can now get salary info direct from HMRC, so his lies have been revealed.

It's now 3 years since the youngest child in the case went to Uni, so there is no longer a current child support arrangement (we both send the same level of financial support to each child, even though ExH earns over £100k more than me).

The other day, I woke up to a text saying that I have a payment coming to me. Total surprise! Anyway, the CMS are now re-calculating everything and I will be getting paid the "arrears".

Should I accept this? It feels weird because, like I say, both kids are at Uni and I don't receive child support any more.

I know for a fact, that he will be seething that he has to now start paying me money, long after the kids left home, iyswim.

OP posts:

Bluelady · 13/01/2019 13:27

Take it and give it to your kids if you don't need it.

moredoll · 13/01/2019 13:27

Take it. Spend some on a spa break or a holiday for yourself. Put the rest away for your kids so that you're able to help them out a bit when the leave uni.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 13/01/2019 13:27

I would take it. You could always have a nice holiday with it after they finish Uni! Or send them a bit more to live on.

But you are owed that money and you should take it.

pointythings · 13/01/2019 13:34

Absolutely take it. Men like him need to learn they can't get away with not paying for their kids. I wish we handled it like the US does (first time I will ever say they do something better!) and slung men like him in jail. (By the way the same would apply to women not paying when they are the NRP)

scaryteacher · 13/01/2019 13:40

Take it as a matter of principal. He owes that money, and has tried to renege on paying for his kids. Don't let the bastard shirk his responsibilities.

You could give a double whammy to him by increasing the contribution for university from this money so he has to equal what you pay; get the bugger every which way.

DoraJar · 13/01/2019 13:43

Another vote for take it and increase the amount to the kids so he can pay even more to make up for his disgraceful behaviour. Also think of your pension for anything left over! Nice to hear of some justice!

Knittedfairies · 13/01/2019 13:44

Take it. He can then pass on the news that cheating will be found out if any of his colleagues are contemplating doing the same.

Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme · 13/01/2019 13:45

Take it- do something new to your home or pass it on to the kids but take it

Di11y · 13/01/2019 13:47

take it, although surely he'll just reduce the uni payments to balance it?

BejamNostalgia · 13/01/2019 13:49

Damn, damn right take it and spend it.

Homemadearmy · 13/01/2019 13:57

I was in a similar position a few years ago when the csa caught up with my sons dad. I ended up not taking the money as I’d struggled as a single parent for years to raise my son without a penny from his father. He was a adult by the time it was sorted and had no intest in having the money himself, especially as it wasn’t given voluntary. And I felt that it was wrong for me to take it as I have younger children and it didn’t feel right to use my sons money to help bring them up.

Rememory · 13/01/2019 14:03

Take it. As others have said if you really don't need it then put it in a rainy day fund.

Allthewaves · 13/01/2019 14:08

Take it. Pay off any debts then invest rest for dc for house/car/paying off loans later on

Original poster

Childsupport · 13/01/2019 14:14

Thanks everyone, it is very reassuring to read that most people say take it. CMS have already dropped the first payment in to my account, which was a very nice post Christmas surprise.

If anyone else is having similar issues, please take your complaint to the Independent Case Examiner.

OP posts:

bakingdiva · 13/01/2019 14:19

Look at it this way, during your children’s childhood, you will have been paying for everything and most likely going without to ensure your kids had everything they needed, whilst your exH paid sod all. Think of this money as paying you back for all of the things that he should have paid for but didn’t so you had to.

Take the money, he owes it to you and you deserve it.

RCohle · 13/01/2019 14:26

I'm so glad you're accepting it.

Save it for your kids if you feel bad about it!

Queenie8 · 13/01/2019 14:28

My exH had his arrears wiped out twice, firstly by leaving his well paid paye job to go and run a pub, self employed, then when he did go back to a paye job, he only stayed 3 months, so was reassessed twice within three months, and the second set of arrears wiped off.

Are PP saying that since the switch over from CSA to CMO, that the CMO is looking at historical non payments and applying the debts now? Or have PP raised a grievance/complaint and its being investigated?

I received no maintenance payments (or divorce settlement spousal maintenance), for 22 months for two dc.

MigGril · 13/01/2019 14:51

Accept it, you could either pay it to your children now to help support them through university. Thus hopefully encouraging him to pay more, or save it for them for a house deposit if you don't need it. I'm sure your children will appreciate the extra help.

Leeds2 · 13/01/2019 14:58

Take it!
I wouldn't be surprised if he stops matching your funding payments to the DC at university though.

FinallyHere · 13/01/2019 15:37

will only match whatever I give,

Oh, how about taking it, and then using it to increase your contributions to DC, would he then match that? That way, you would be making him pay twice over, entirely fair IMHO

Putting it in your pension is also a very sensible suggestion

Whocansay · 13/01/2019 15:48

OP, this is YOUR money. He deliberately withheld it from you. Take it. You can always just give it to your children if you don't want it. But don't let that bastard get away with it.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 13/01/2019 16:09

You should take it...

Is there a possibility that he will reduce the amounts he pays your children by this amount? Or stop contributing to them all together?

However... I am not sure you that the fear of retaliation should stop you accepting this.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/01/2019 23:09

Is there a reason why you didn’t appeal to the Tribunal OP? That would be an option when CMS fail to investigate.

justilou1 · 14/01/2019 06:52

Take it and enjoy it. Please have a clear conscience. I bet he didn't lose a wink of sleep while he was defrauding you.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread