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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To block this friend

52 replies

perfectlyspherical · 13/01/2019 10:56

This friend:

Won't take no for an answer when I tell her I'm not complying with her wishes; becomes insulting

Constantly communicating; 12-16 messages a day, all about her with maybe a quick interest expressed in how I am

Leaves me voice messages between 7-10 mins long and gets annoyed if I won't listen to them, despite me saying I don't have time and having repeatedly told her I hate voice mail communication and couldn't she just text.

Cuts off other friends when they dare to voice a criticism of her. I've never dared tell her they might have a point.

Everything is always someone else's fault. Never hers.

Has in the past insulted me via text after I spent a whole day ferrying her around in my car

I'm constantly the one doing everything; driving her around to appointments and on outings, lending her tons of money, talking her down from emotional crises, etc. I feel more like her mum than her friend and she's two years older than me!

Never seems sensitive to me when I'm going through stuff. When my brother was missing recently and I was flying halfway across Europe to find him she was still sending me whatsapp messages about her flipping hair and nails and I had to ask her to stop filling up my phone with her inane crap (not the exact words I used) and let me concentrate on communicating with my family during that family crisis. I just feel I shouldn't have had to even ask!

Also on a holiday I had by myself recently she was in constant communication. I never got a break from her! I had to ask her to give me space before Christmas as I had started a new job, was very tired from family crisis and struggling with the new commute. She gave me space for all of 24 hours then it was back to normal service rabbiting on about herself.

I feel bad blocking her as she does have mobility issues and has been going through a lot lately (problems with pests in her social housing, exacerbating her mental health issues to the point that she was suicidal over Christmas and I was trying to talk her down from ending her life over the phone.) Mentally she's a bit better now but the housing issue is ongoing and I get daily updates about that.

I just don't have the strength for this. I'm still struggling with my new job, and want to try for another job I've been offered but need to do a lot of interview prep. I'm also looking at buying a house so the brother who went missing (we got him back, thank the Lord!) can live with me while he gets back on his feet (he had a mental breakdown-long story!) I also volunteer with a couple other projects that take up my time, have to try and keep up with other friends and family and also have some time to myself. I was trying to eat better and work on my hobby that I love, but that's gone out the window, I don't have the bandwidth. I just don't have the bandwidth for my excessively needy, clingy, demanding friend either.

It's like I'm retreating from her, trying to shelter behind my boundary wall, but the more I retreat, the more she tries to push it down. I feel guilty blocking her but I just...idk. Aibu?

OP posts:
Rainagain1 · 13/01/2019 11:00

Nope YANBU block away!

AllMYSmellySocks · 13/01/2019 11:01

She sounds a nightmare. I'd definitely block.

Pinkyyy · 13/01/2019 11:01

How about actually telling her how you feel? She sounds like a real nightmare and I know I'd be ditching her, but just blocking her seems a cowards way out to me and will probably cause an even bigger issue. Just tell her you've had enough and the reasons why.

YouTheCat · 13/01/2019 11:03

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Block her or just tell her some hometruths and she'll end the friendship anyway.

She has no respect for any boundaries or any concern over what you have been dealing with.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 13/01/2019 11:04

Either you're brave and tell her how you're feeling or you block and move on. Depends how much you want this 'friendship'.

lynnepot · 13/01/2019 11:05

I read only the first four paragraphs and already decided I didn't like this friend. Too self indulgent and argumentive.

Cattus · 13/01/2019 11:09

Yes block: this is getting too much for you. I wouldn’t try to discuss with her as she doesn’t sound as if she has the emotional maturity to handle it.
If you do want to talk to her about it, just tell her you’re having time away from your phone and devices because you need a break. Don’t get drawn into any drama.

TidyDancer · 13/01/2019 11:12

I wouldn't block yet, you need to explain how she makes you feel. If no difference results from that then backing away might be your only choice. Blocking/ghosting without explanation is a cruel move and I wouldn't go down that route without looking for an alternative.

PepsiLola · 13/01/2019 11:15

Just text back "I really haven't got time for this today, try again next week" 😂

Or block

grincheux · 13/01/2019 11:18

Tell her why you're about to block her then do it - a long message explaining how she's made you feel will at least give her some explanation instead of just ghosting her... But she definitely sounds like she needs to go!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/01/2019 11:20

So-
she bombards you with voicemail that she knows you don't have time for and she knows you prefer text
she bombards you when she knows you are in a difficult family situation
she won't give you peace on holiday or Christmas
she cuts contact with anyone who diagrees with her
she takes your time , your goodwill giving her lifts and your money

No point reasoning or sitting with her. She'll either put up a brick wall or she'll break down (and make you feel guilty when you have more than enough on your plate)

She's an emotional vampire .
You need to harness your inner Buffy and (no, not kill her) block her now.
Block. Delete. Erase.
Breathe

Get on with what you need to be getting on with. She will leach onto someone else.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 13/01/2019 11:25

She doesn’t sound at all like a friend and you don’t sound as if you like her so I’m confused about why you are even asking!

chordFire · 13/01/2019 11:26

Just block her for a week and see how you feel. It's easy to unblock someone so you can have a trial run. If you feel relieved then don't unblock her. I'm guessing someone this prolific isn't only doing this to you. She'll find someone else to hound.

MixedMaritalArts · 13/01/2019 11:40

Ain’t NOBODY got time for that !

Stormy76 · 13/01/2019 11:41

Tell her she is driving you mad and your struggling to cope with your own life without all her nonsense clogging everything up. Tell her if she continues to harass you during the day you will block her, if she doesn’t stop then do it and take a break from her. She needs to learn that she isn’t the most important person in your life, next time she is having a breakdown, tell her to call the Samaritans or go to her GP. She needs to learn to manage her own mental health and not use you as a prop.

Likeforlike · 13/01/2019 11:43

Ditch her. But make sure you tell her why.

recklessruby · 13/01/2019 11:46

Agree with above poster.
If you want to be kind tell her you're having problems with your phone/WiFi first then block her for a week and see how you feel.
It sounds like you don't get much from the friendship.
I 've learnt to be quite blunt sometimes as I ve got older and once told a "friend" I had listened to for an hour moaning about trivia that as I m qualified in counselling (true) I would like my £60 fee now Grin

sonjadog · 13/01/2019 11:53

I think you definitely need to end this, but in this case I would probably tell her. Send her an email so she knows what is happening, and then block.

Bananalanacake · 13/01/2019 11:58

I am assuming she doesn't have a dp. Hope she pays back the tons of money you lend her.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/01/2019 11:59

It’s ridiculous you’ve let it go on this long.

Self-respect = ending the ‘friendship’.

FuckingYuleLog · 13/01/2019 12:08

I don’t think I could just block someone who has recently been suicidal tbh. But the situation can’t go on.
I would tell her that your phone is playing up and cut right back on the amount of communication. Start saying no to the lifts/money lending etc - those are your choice. Tell her you’re short yourself/have stuff on.
Put some boundaries in place basically.
You might find that if you’re less useful to her she turns her attentions to someone else which would be no bad thing.

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/01/2019 12:15

Read this thread back. What would you recommend to a friend. She sounds a nightmare - time to get rid!

GetOffTheTableMabel · 13/01/2019 12:19

Please leave her a 7-10 minute voicemail in which you explain why you can no longer be friends.

cafesociety · 13/01/2019 12:23

Block. And move on. This is doing you no good at all.

Bringbackthestripes · 13/01/2019 12:23

Would she turn up on your doorstep if you just blocked her?

I would maybe at least send her a text listing the points as 70isaLimitNotaTarget listed and say for your own mental health you would rather she no longer contacted you and then block her.