Dh mum sulking and not speaking to him!

[Momasita]

Dh mum hasn't contacted him or spoken to him directly except to say hello when he goes there ( rarely) for quite a while maybe a year or more? Friends of family had wedding and Mil went and got dh an 'outfit' to wear, he said he didn't want to wear it and she got offended. She also brought me a dress to wear and seemed offended when I turned up in something else!
Her dress didn't fit me.
They wanted us all to stay in the same hotel but we wanted to stay apart from them elsewhere and be independent. Fil asked dh to give his aunt a lift to the wedding venue but again dh didn't want too because other family members were all in the same hotel including sil who can drive, and they were 5 mins from venue we ended up about 3 miles away! We had our then 4 year old with us and I wanted to go to hair dresser in morning.

They massively sulked and fil interrogated me at wedding over our choices, Mil barely spoke to us! Fil gave dh a short speech on how upset Mil was he wouldn't wear her outfit!
Dh even did a speech at the wedding and Mil always pegs him as shy.. Neither sil nor Mil said a word to him about the speech.. To be fair fil did..

Since wedding Mil gone very frosty which has been quite nice actually but whilst relations have soured she still wants to see our dc... Dh drops then off occasionally but she barely speaks to him!

I just feel if she really cared for her son she would have stopped sulking over the the outfit and hotel and accepted that a married man will make his own choices and congratulated him over the speech? Sil also? Sil barely spoke to her dB and sat glued to Mil.

I don't feel comfortable going there anymore, the last time we did Mil served us tea and cake which was v nice but then went off to different rooms with a the dc leaving us at the table with fil whom I can't help feel was givens the job of keeping us there chatting so Mil could go off on her own.

That year for Xmas Mil gave us socks each which were lovely but previously had given us more. We went for Xmas and Mil and sil and sil bf all sat on the the other side of the room in a sort of huddle, with our dc (no other dc in family) and again dh and I are sort of left with fil when dh or I moved to the huddle they seemed to move away.

Fil can only chat about certain subjects, he's OK but it wasn't by vision of Xmas being interrogated and chatting about trains, dry rot and investments

At one point dh did something to his hair and I said out loud.. Dh you look amazing or something like that, and Mil quickly interjected... It's because he's my son. that's the closest thing to a compliment I have ever heard her say to him!

This is bizzare behaviour isn't it?!

I've had some interesting responses here. Just reading through them.
I like an earlier comment explains why they may not see us much.. 'you don't seem to like spending time with us'.
Of course this is true they don't. We saw them two years running at a social event we all go too. We approached them and they couldn't wait to get away from us both times. Literally couldn't wait to escape. But they are not interested in us, especially me and definalty not dh.

Someone said they don't see us as adults, I think this is spot on. They still want to choose other things for us and even ask dh if he's asked his sister before making certain purchases! Eg our kettle broke we mentioned it in passing and fil said 'have a chat to your sister she's good at getting deals'

I'm also surprised how quickly this turned into a.. Why are you sending your dc there thread.

Believe me it's been up and Down over the the years and this is what we have settled on. They go into us if they don't see them, turn up at the door, even dc school.

This seems to works the best. But no I don't like it. But we are all much happier with a little visit a few times a year.

It just worries me when the dc are contactable outside our control, they will directly push and manipulate. It's all very well saying dc will see it.. They will but its taken me a long time!

The post saying they felt most sorry for fil, having to carry out mils control tasks made me laugh

Fil does regularly talk about mils hounding him. But fil himself is not blameless. He's a strange person who I think has a very narrow view on things and I don't think he respects dh at all either. He certainly doesn't respect me, a long time ago he said he didn't like what he'd seen of me

He's like a robot when he gets set on something. Ultimately fil and Mil think there's the bees knees. Every sentence is uttered in a preaching way. Trying to tell us something eg... We just came back from super cheap holidays somewhere and fil would say nothing about it or ask us about it etc he said.. Ah but you see if you had the right job you'd be sent there for work for free...

“Ah but you see if you had the right job you'd be sent there for work for free...”

What does that even mean?

Fil had a big career. He's very focused on it (Mil has never worked) sil has a good career, dh didn't (dh does now)

He thought we were flakey etc.
I've never heard them in response to anything dh has said or I.. Oh what a good idea! We like that, that's great.

It's been pretty much constant negativity. Mil has almost visibly shrivelled when people have complimented us in front her her!

I mean he means if we had a proper career we would be sent to new York or wherever but on companies buck not our own.

And in mils weak defence, she actually buys her dh clothes.
She buys her adult dd over 35 clothes and always has done. So it's her thing... It's like her job. She used to buy all dh clothes I don't think he had ever been into shop to buy his own, but she's also highly critical so he may have been wary of doing so..

But the point is.. That's what you used to do! Why get so offended over it! Bloody bizzare

This is a more than slightly crazy situation, please be assured YANBU.

To be honest I'd start bear baiting MIL and make it my mission to wind her up by being extra especially jolly and chatty. When they sit off in another corner of the room I'd go over, join pick up one of your DC to make space of the sofa, then sit down and pop DD on your lap for a cuddle before giving MIL and a big and announcing "isn't this cosy?!"

Horse that would have been a good plan fil has always said how normal the things Mil does are.