Dh mum sulking and not speaking to him!

[Momasita]

Dh mum hasn't contacted him or spoken to him directly except to say hello when he goes there ( rarely) for quite a while maybe a year or more? Friends of family had wedding and Mil went and got dh an 'outfit' to wear, he said he didn't want to wear it and she got offended. She also brought me a dress to wear and seemed offended when I turned up in something else!
Her dress didn't fit me.
They wanted us all to stay in the same hotel but we wanted to stay apart from them elsewhere and be independent. Fil asked dh to give his aunt a lift to the wedding venue but again dh didn't want too because other family members were all in the same hotel including sil who can drive, and they were 5 mins from venue we ended up about 3 miles away! We had our then 4 year old with us and I wanted to go to hair dresser in morning.

They massively sulked and fil interrogated me at wedding over our choices, Mil barely spoke to us! Fil gave dh a short speech on how upset Mil was he wouldn't wear her outfit!
Dh even did a speech at the wedding and Mil always pegs him as shy.. Neither sil nor Mil said a word to him about the speech.. To be fair fil did..

Since wedding Mil gone very frosty which has been quite nice actually but whilst relations have soured she still wants to see our dc... Dh drops then off occasionally but she barely speaks to him!

I just feel if she really cared for her son she would have stopped sulking over the the outfit and hotel and accepted that a married man will make his own choices and congratulated him over the speech? Sil also? Sil barely spoke to her dB and sat glued to Mil.

I don't feel comfortable going there anymore, the last time we did Mil served us tea and cake which was v nice but then went off to different rooms with a the dc leaving us at the table with fil whom I can't help feel was givens the job of keeping us there chatting so Mil could go off on her own.

That year for Xmas Mil gave us socks each which were lovely but previously had given us more. We went for Xmas and Mil and sil and sil bf all sat on the the other side of the room in a sort of huddle, with our dc (no other dc in family) and again dh and I are sort of left with fil when dh or I moved to the huddle they seemed to move away.

Fil can only chat about certain subjects, he's OK but it wasn't by vision of Xmas being interrogated and chatting about trains, dry rot and investments

At one point dh did something to his hair and I said out loud.. Dh you look amazing or something like that, and Mil quickly interjected... It's because he's my son. that's the closest thing to a compliment I have ever heard her say to him!

This is bizzare behaviour isn't it?!

There is no way I would leave my kids with them and if they tried to isolate them to another room I'd be making sure I'd follow them. There should be no reason for them to have to see your children on their own. I would be concerned about what is being said and what influence they have over your children while you are not there, given that they are clearly unhinged. If they wish to go LC with yourself and Dh then that includes your children too.

So your FIL and MIl bought a suit for him and he didnt wear it. What did he actually wear?

For those that are saying it was odd to stay in another hotel... we always did simply becuae MIL was controlling. She would knowvknon our hotel door at all hours, ring and ring and ring until we came down to breakfast, be rude to staff and other guests so we did not want to be associated with her, get drunk so ditto.

I can totally get why you or OP would avoid staying anywhere near to your in laws. I only meant if it was a happy family with no issues and someone suggested a particular hotel (which wasn't unsuitable in some way) then it would be normal to all stay there.

“ But once the dc grow older we can't stop contact then”

But when they’re older they will know enough (hopefully) to realise sulking, alienating parents and badmouthing them is not good behaviour. When young they don’t know this, they are just role models.

My MIL sulked once because we wouldn’t take time off work to go to a relatives third (3rd) wedding. We left her to it. 6 months later she rang and pretended nothing had happened.

(The marriage lasted less than a year, only two months more than the sulking lol!)

" Mil said to me.. Isn't she a good actress, she knows how to act to cause a fuss. '"

About her own granddaughter!

I get on with my family, as does my husband, but I could see that if we were away for a wedding-then just attending the wedding might be enough-no need for breakfast etc with them as well!

He wore another suit he had! He looked fabulous and really handsome in it.

It's your poor FIL I feel most sorry for. He has to work very hard to carry out MILs 'control' tasks or he'll be the one left with the sulky, resentful immature little girl behaviour from her night after night.
FIL puts pressure on everyone else because MIL pressures him and emotionally manipulates him.
She sounds really childish and controlling. I can't believe she'd buy people clothes. Thankfully there is a SIL to absorb some of her shite otherwise you'd both be getting it a lot worse.

You MIL is controlling and FIL is her little lapdog doing her bidding. She rules by making decisions for others knowing that often people will go along with her to stop her sulking/tantrums.

She’s waiting for you to back down. It is your punishment. You are rewarding her behaviour by serving up your children, delivered to her door no less, so she can being the process of subjugation on the next generation... making sure DS thinks you love DD more than him (gift snide remark) and that DD knows they think she’s a liar and not allowed feelings when physically hurt by FIL.

None off this is healthy.

Christ, this sounds awful and toxic for your DC to be witnessing.

Could you return MIL's controlling ways and reduce the level of contact with DC so that she has less time with them? I don't see how it's beneficial to your DC to be caught in the middle of this.

It’s one thing to say to someone ‘I saw a dress I really thought would look nice on you for so and so’s wedding. Here’s a photo / link so you can check it out for yourself and see what you think.’ It’s a very different thing to present another adult with clothes you have already bought and say ‘This is what I want you to wear to the wedding.’ That’s not normal. Manipulative and controlling in the extreme.

Stop bringing your children round to see them while you sit there and are essentially ignored for existing as independent grown ups. Just stop rewarding the poor behaviour!

My mil tried to order dh the outfit she wanted him to wear for our wedding!! She was uninvited and we went nc.
You leave your dc with these people which I struggle to understand. They have no respect for you yet you trust them with unsupervised time with your most precious items!!

Why are you leaving your child with someone who ignores you and treats you like shit?

I can guarantee they’re dripping poison in her ear and driving a wedge between you and your own daughter.

Also at four she’s old through to notice. Why would you add her into the drama?

Diddle

With my family it would all be open discussion ie... Moma where are you you and dh staying... Have you found somewhere... I might say.. Others are staying in blah but we chose x we want a little break now we have dd and want to to stay somewhere that's conversely cheapens than where everyone else is staying but much nicer... As its a b and b...

Mine would say oh OK! See you at the wedding..

The dc see the them very rarely at the moment.

This is a healthy conversation with no enmeshent, no controlling:

We’re staying at the x.
Oh great! we’re staying at the y.

Information exchanged without judging!

Very rarely needs to be not at all.

Aprilshowerswontbelong, it at all what?

Aprilshowerswontbelong, not at all what?

I’m assuming Aprilshowers means the ops dcs meeting the pil.

Op says they meet the currently ‘very rarely’. April says (and I totally agree) they shouldn’t meet at all.

When you know people don’t have your best interests at heart, when they are actively bitchy and vindictive in public and are now ignoring you why on earth would you let them come into ANY contact with your children.

Yes I did indeed mean keep them away from your dc. Toxic nasty fuckers!!

Momasita, I think what you have described seems to be quite common behaviour with in laws. Ours ignored us for years and years. It all was very much one sided for all that time, ie us continuing to go round etc, but they would still ignore. In more recent years we left them to it.

Hell would freeze over before I allowed my (non-existent) children to be dropped off at batshit PiL's house with no control by you or your DH.

Mil sounds demanding

Couldn't get past the 'outfit' buying'.
I haven't bought my kids clothes since they were about14.
If I bought outfits for D/SIL's they would just ROFLPTSL, saying 'WTAF maras, are you feeling unwell ?(you crazy old waggon)' .