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Original poster

Dh mum sulking and not speaking to him!

82 replies

Momasita · 12/01/2019 10:11

Dh mum hasn't contacted him or spoken to him directly except to say hello when he goes there ( rarely) for quite a while maybe a year or more? Friends of family had wedding and Mil went and got dh an 'outfit' to wear, he said he didn't want to wear it and she got offended. She also brought me a dress to wear and seemed offended when I turned up in something else!
Her dress didn't fit me.
They wanted us all to stay in the same hotel but we wanted to stay apart from them elsewhere and be independent. Fil asked dh to give his aunt a lift to the wedding venue but again dh didn't want too because other family members were all in the same hotel including sil who can drive, and they were 5 mins from venue we ended up about 3 miles away! We had our then 4 year old with us and I wanted to go to hair dresser in morning.

They massively sulked and fil interrogated me at wedding over our choices, Mil barely spoke to us! Fil gave dh a short speech on how upset Mil was he wouldn't wear her outfit!
Dh even did a speech at the wedding and Mil always pegs him as shy.. Neither sil nor Mil said a word to him about the speech.. To be fair fil did..

Since wedding Mil gone very frosty which has been quite nice actually but whilst relations have soured she still wants to see our dc... Dh drops then off occasionally but she barely speaks to him!

I just feel if she really cared for her son she would have stopped sulking over the the outfit and hotel and accepted that a married man will make his own choices and congratulated him over the speech? Sil also? Sil barely spoke to her dB and sat glued to Mil.

I don't feel comfortable going there anymore, the last time we did Mil served us tea and cake which was v nice but then went off to different rooms with a the dc leaving us at the table with fil whom I can't help feel was givens the job of keeping us there chatting so Mil could go off on her own. Hmm

That year for Xmas Mil gave us socks each which were lovely but previously had given us more. We went for Xmas and Mil and sil and sil bf all sat on the the other side of the room in a sort of huddle, with our dc (no other dc in family) and again dh and I are sort of left with fil Grin when dh or I moved to the huddle they seemed to move away.

Fil can only chat about certain subjects, he's OK but it wasn't by vision of Xmas being interrogated and chatting about trains, dry rot and investments Grin

At one point dh did something to his hair and I said out loud.. Dh you look amazing or something like that, and Mil quickly interjected... It's because he's my son. Hmm that's the closest thing to a compliment I have ever heard her say to him!

This is bizzare behaviour isn't it?!

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 12/01/2019 11:08

I can't imagine why you spent Christmas with them!

They sound very controlling and weird and I would go very very LC with them but including your children. It isn't right that they should treat you adn your dh so badly but then spend time with your children - god knows what nonsense they are filling them with. Scary.

BTW your dh has been doing wonderfully by not being controlled by them. Refreshing to hear!

Whisky2014 · 12/01/2019 11:13

What was the outfit?!

NameChange457 · 12/01/2019 11:13

Since you insisted on booking a different hotel (which in a normal, happy family would be a rather odd and slightly awkward/offensive thing to do) I think some of the LC is obviously initiated by you rather than the in laws.
What? No, it’s not. In a normal happy family you’d all do what is right for you.
My sister’s getting married abroad next year, we’ve all made our own arrangements as we’re all adults and don’t need babysitting. Yes we’ve discussed plans and most of us have decided to stay in the same hotel, but there are some for whom another works better, so they’re staying there and we’ll all meet up. Not a big deal.

Why are you facilitating her contact with your dc? I don’t know why you’d facilitate contact between your children and someone who refuses to speak to you over something so minor (which she’s in the wrong over anyway). And why would you want to expose your children to someone who’s likely to start the same controlling type behaviour with them?

Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 11:15

She sounds like a nasty piece of work. Let her sulk but don’t let your children pick up such immature behaviour. See her less often and only with you ther at all times. She may be whispering bad things about you and DH to them.

My MIl bought clothes for DH when he was married in his 30s, he gave them back... we got socks the following Christmas too!

Cut off now. Best decision we ever made.

WeeMadArthur · 12/01/2019 11:15

I can’t imagine why you would be dropping your DC off to spend time with someone so controlling and manipulative. Would just tell them that until MIL is talking to all of you that it’s too awkward to drop the dc off with her.

Whisky2014 · 12/01/2019 11:17

Has there been some kind of guide book passed around that says if your kids.piss you off give them Socks? Fucking hell it's bizarre.

Personally op, I'd just stop the kids going round..you don't know what she is saying to them about you.

Original poster
Momasita · 12/01/2019 11:24

Fusioluxe that's hilarious Grin how odd. Was there any other odd behaviour?

I've only heard two questionable comments I didn't like.

We got dc a few really nice gifts but one was a bit more expensive and it was presented at dd 1 gift (she had lots of other stuff too they both did) but we knew down the line they would both get use out of it. But in a few years.

When telling Mil what they got, Mil said ' oh so you got an expensive x but you only got b... Umm' not a huge deal! And said in slightly jokey way but I didn't feel it came from nice place.

Another time fil was playing with dd 1 and winding her up a little but unfortunately he accidently hurt her (with ball). Dd was hurt and frustrated. Mil said to me.. Isn't she a good actress, she knows how to act to cause a fuss. '

I didn't like that at all.

But don't feel they are massively dreadful comments

OP posts:
Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 11:25

For those that are saying it was odd to stay in another hotel... we always did simply becuae MIL was controlling. She would knowvknon our hotel door at all hours, ring and ring and ring until we came down to breakfast, be rude to staff and other guests so we did not want to be associated with her, get drunk so ditto. So no, as independent adults we stayed where we wanted to stay and didn’t criticsice her choice of where she wanted to stay.

OP you have my sympathy.

Yulebealrite · 12/01/2019 11:26

I've got to see a link to the dress she chose for you.
That's crazy and funny to read but hell to live with I imagine.

Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 11:26

“Isn't she a good actress, she knows how to act to cause a fuss. '”

That would be instant TO or CO for me.

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2019 11:28

When you say 'outfit' do you mean 'suit' or was it a kilt or something?

I think you could have stayed at the same hotel, normally it's more fun to all be together but you obviously don't feel that way. Was pretty pointed though.

The clothes supplying was pretty bizarre, but you should have told her beforehand it wasn't suitable.

And if they're not talking to you then they don't get to see the GC. Either sort it out once and for all or stop going.

AllMYSmellySocks · 12/01/2019 11:28

What? No, it’s not. In a normal happy family you’d all do what is right for you.
My sister’s getting married abroad next year, we’ve all made our own arrangements as we’re all adults and don’t need babysitting.

In most families if someone said let's all stay in this hotel everyone would be fine with it (unless it was too expensive or didn't have the facilities they needed). That way you can all have breakfast together and share lifts etc. They wouldn't deliberately book a separate hotel to be "independent". In OP's case I can totally see why she would want to her avoid her in laws though.

Original poster
Momasita · 12/01/2019 11:28

What's to or Co? Why!

OP posts:
MissingGeorgeMichael · 12/01/2019 11:31

They wanted us all to stay in the same hotel but we wanted to stay apart from them elsewhere and be independent.

This sentence sums it up for me. MIL is simply pissed off that the balance of power has shifted and you won't do what she wants like everyone else does. You didn't wear the outfits she wanted you to wear, didn't provide the lift she wanted you to etc. Her silence and treatment of you is just a passive aggressive response to the fact that you do your own thing and not what she demands.

You deliberately picked another hotel so would not be near them which would have seemed to her to be a big snub but also would embarrass her if family / friends asked why you didn't stay at the same hotel.

Personally I'd stop the kids from going until she starts acting in a civil manner to you both.

Oldraver · 12/01/2019 11:31

Are you from a culture where it would be more exceptable to buy clothes ? As it's a really werid thing to do beyond teen years in the UK

Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 11:31

Yes Momasita, loads of odd behaviour. All enmeshed. Like she wanted to visit us on holiday wherever we went. She would buy gifts for people and tell them they were from us (so because we would send one, at Christmas and birthdays they would get two presents supposedly from us) and she would ask in appropriate personal questions and tell me about SIL’s menstruation etc. I think there is something not right about her.

Whisky2014 · 12/01/2019 11:32

What did you say when MIL made the comment about your daughter being an actress? I hope you said she must be learnt it from her granny!

What was the outfit?! what was the outfit?! what was the outfit?!

Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 11:32

TO Time Out
CO Cut Off

Because she called your daughter a liar.

elfies · 12/01/2019 11:33

You and your husband are grown adults and parents , you are entitled to your own views and choices .
As grown ups though , it may be better if you visit your parents without your child , and discuss the matter face to face , perhaps a frank exchange of views will clear the air ...or at least clarify things .
Good luck

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/01/2019 11:34

Why are you letting them have access to your children without you there? They sound very odd and very unpleasant. They have no right to time with your children when they won’t behave nicely towards you.

waywardfruit · 12/01/2019 11:36

The only way to deal with this is to be overwhelmingly nice every time you are all together.

She's obviously got a bee in her bonnet, but hopefully it won't last forever Smile

Incaseofemergencybreakglass · 12/01/2019 11:42

But if your dh had a role at the wedding, isn't it normal that matching outfits are worn. Best man and ushers often wear the same suits. Your dh was making a speech so presumably he was on a par with (or was) the best man or usher or similar.

Did you have a 'role' at the wedding?

Original poster
Momasita · 12/01/2019 11:42

Sorry outfit is the word fil used.
It sounds odd doesn't it, suddenly I have visions of dh in a toddler style sailor romper suit complete with hat GrinGrin

It was just a normal suit and to be fair the dress for me was quite nice I did like it but it didn't fit. (I was pregnant). I don't mind her buying clothes but I really dislikes the sulking when dh wouldn't play ball.

I didn't say anything when Mil Said that but I really regret that now. The thing is her mum was there dh granny. They are western but not British society granny wouldn't have understood Mil.

The dc seem them a few times a year. Last year I think it was 4 or 5 times, they took them on some days out.

I suspect this year will be similar as we are really busy. But once the dc grow older we can't stop contact then.

OP posts:
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 12/01/2019 11:42

You say FIL is ok ish....assuming you have an ok relationship with him,,he is trying to say the least can;t you ring him and ask him what the hell is going on cos its ridiculous? Either that or sod the lot of em and paddle your own canoe and stop dropping dc off..they take all of you or non of you I would suggest !

Original poster
Momasita · 12/01/2019 11:44

It was a short reading during the service (again speech is mis leading) of course had he been part of the closer wedding party he would have worn appropriate outfit.

OP posts:
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