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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s easier to want open boarders if you’re privileged?

705 replies

Theselfishsister · 12/01/2019 10:04

Having an ongoing conflict with my sister regarding refugees, she’s very ‘let everyone in’ I would say I’m somewhere in the middle.

She’s given up spare bedrooms to refugees, spends weekends in Calais helping them and is posting everywhere on SM about letting them all in. As well as attending protests regularly for the last 4 years or so.

What strikes me is that her and her other friends going to all of the events are white, MC (although she is by marriage, we grew up very WC) and live incredibly comfortably. She’s a SAHM and her husband owns his own company, they have never needed benefits or social housing and her children are privately educated with all of them receiving private medical care.

A massive increase in people here are unlikely to ever have much affect on her life, she won’t have to fight for jobs or wait for a house or deal with benefit cuts when too much is paid out, as well as the increase in waits for Medical care and school admissions. Whereas for someone like me, this is obviously a more worrying factor and the thought of just opening our borders to everyone does scare me. As much as I would love to be able to take every person fleeing a great life, it just causes me worry and I don’t think I could support completely open boarders.

She obviously just thinks I’m a selfish heartless bitch for not protesting to remove our borders or similar. When I asked why she let refugees sleep in her spare rooms but never the homeless man on the road behind her (who’s been in the same spot since she moved there 5 years ago!) she called me a racist!

So AIBU to think it’s easier to want open boarders if you’re privileged or am I just a selfish cow?

OP posts:
WeAreTheCrystalGems · 12/01/2019 10:14

Of course you're right. It's much easier to be a bleeding heart liberal when you're cushioned by privilege.

Although I am impressed (and slightly appalled) by her opening her spare room to randomers. And with the kids in the house? Craziness.

Samcro · 12/01/2019 10:16

yanbu but you will be flamed.

Danglingmod · 12/01/2019 10:21

You are right. It's much easier to be for unlimited migration too (not just taking in refugees) if you're privileged.

It's why many remainers (I am one but I get the other side's arguments) call leavers racist: huge migration only affects the m/c positively (Polish builders and nannies, the Erasmus scheme)...

Auntiepatricia · 12/01/2019 10:22

It’s difficult but you’re probably right. It’s easier to have ideals and morals if you’re privilaged. Some people don’t compromise their ideals regardless but our natural instinct is to look after our own interests first (me included). Maybe it’s a luxury to have the freedom to be liberal and idealistic.

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 12/01/2019 10:23

I grew up MC, I'm white, my MC upbringing was under Tory parents who voted leave, I threw my privilege away and went WC, and ended up disabled, single parenting, on benefits, needing a council flat.

I have just managed to down better for myself after years. But I'm very open borders. We lose more people as ex pats, iirc. So really, what's the issue. I've had wonderful nhs care from doctors and nurses and specialists who are non native to Britain. Not to mention the friends I've met through life. Only a small proportion come to try and use the benefits state. And they aren't actually entitled fkr anything to start with, and very much when they go eventually qualify. That's if they get told they can stay.

masterandmargarita · 12/01/2019 10:24

I thought this was about boarding school

zzzzz · 12/01/2019 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LostInShoebiz · 12/01/2019 10:25

It’s a lot easier to be open and welcoming if you don’t feel under threat (for any reason). Perhaps you have varying perceptions of the result of an open border so have reacted differently.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/01/2019 10:25

she called me a racist!

Its a standard response to anyone that has a point about this to shut down discussions, and is partly the reason way we are in the mess that we are in at the moment.

Santaclarita · 12/01/2019 10:25

I'm in the middle. Britain is so screwed as a country, we have a lot of homeless with more and more becoming homeless. We have more food banks opening up, our high streets are screwed, people can't afford to buy so pay extortionate rent. We haven't given our emergency services a pay rise in years, and even if we have it will have been a shit one in comparison to what the politicians give themselves.

So I don't think we should be allowing people in unless they can benefit us. We should be more like Australia and only allow those in who are going to work. We spend enough on benefits without paying for other people too. It's harsh, but when a country can't feed and house its own people, why should we feed and house other countries? I think foreign aid should stop too until we sort out our own issues. Once we are sorted then help others. But the country is screwed over and about to become even more fucked. It will never change without drastic measures.

icannotremember · 12/01/2019 10:25

No, I think those in the world who most want open borders are the absolute opposite of privileged.

swingofthings · 12/01/2019 10:25

She could argue that immigration could impact on the taxes her oh pays, or their pension. She might have private healthcare but is likely to need the nhs at some point. Her children might go to uni and also be affected by loans.

So see your point, but think you are being unfair to make assumptions on her reasons for her altruism.

BloominCold · 12/01/2019 10:27

YABU I’ve been on benefits. We live hand to mouth. I’ve got into debt just to pay the basics. People don’t become refugees for the luxury. What point must they have been pushed to to think that risking homelessness, disease and death to try and live somewhere better? Look after our own??? We are all humans. One of the first things we condition children to do within society is share. I’m shocked that as adults it is acceptable to do exactly the opposite. Yes, it’s far easier to find a moralistic lifestyle with more money but everyone can have a caring attitude, that doesn’t cost money.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 12/01/2019 10:29

The only difference between them and us is luck.

Greekcatslovesouvlaki · 12/01/2019 10:33

YABU. Immigrants are one thing, refugees are quite another. Imagine having your family killed, being tortured and putting your life at risk to get somewhere safe only to be denied help by a country which is perfectly capable of helping you. Its disgusting. Refugees are not the problem with the lack of funding.

ginghamstarfish · 12/01/2019 10:35

I've often thought this but you can't say it in real life. The fact is that it doesn't affect you as much if you're privileged/wealthy, as those immigrants will not be living in your street, thus you will not feel the effects of crime and violence which can ensue, effect on property prices, their children will not be at school with yours, etc etc.

TacoLover · 12/01/2019 10:36

I think foreign aid should stop too until we sort out our own issues.

Britain has a duty to give foreign aid. We have issues to sort out but Britain is responsible for some of the issues in over countries. Why should we get to cause devastation for other people then get to walk away without helping the innocent people affected by our actions?

hen10 · 12/01/2019 10:37

I think it's an interesting point that you make about your sister opening her home to refugees who are usually young, often educated (people 'like us' - great experience of others for her children) whereas she walks past a homeless man on her street every day (older, possible drug/alcohol /mental health issues - would not want him in her house, I expect).

Original poster
Theselfishsister · 12/01/2019 10:38

Apologies about my spelling!

No, I think those in the world who most want open borders are the absolute opposite of privileged

Yes absolutely, i should have been clearer I meant in this country.

If we could let everyone in, I would be for it! I’ve worked with homeless people though and the amount of times My conversation would end with ‘do you know any car parks where there’s a community’ was astonishing, the worst part was I did because I’d had the question so many times.

Do you think if these people saying ‘let everyone in’ had seen these things, or been in this situation, they may have a different view?

To be clearer she wants an open border system not just refugees.

OP posts:
User758172 · 12/01/2019 10:38

YANBU, OP. But prepare to be flamed.

WhirlieGigg · 12/01/2019 10:42

YANBU. Those who will be in direct competition with migrants for low skilled jobs, benefits and housing are the most strongly against migration. Those who are higher up the social ladder are more in favour because they won’t be in competition with the migrants and won’t be living beside them.

Santaclarita · 12/01/2019 10:43

Britain has a duty to give foreign aid. We have issues to sort out but Britain is responsible for some of the issues in over countries. Why should we get to cause devastation for other people then get to walk away without helping the innocent people affected by our actions?

I would rather see the money used to get people off the streets and give them food, in our own country. It sucks, but we allow people in Britain to suffer and yet give millions to other countries. That could help them out.

But then it would be nice to see all politicians take a hefty pay cut, considering some of them sleep at work. That would help too.

TacoLover · 12/01/2019 10:44

I think it's an interesting point that you make about your sister opening her home to refugees who are usually young, often educated (people 'like us' - great experience of others for her children) whereas she walks past a homeless man on her street every day (older, possible drug/alcohol /mental health issues - would not want him in her house, I expect).

In her defence though, if her sister suspected that this man may not be safe why would she put them in her home with her children? Obviously if she is just making assumptions about the man without actually knowing then I would agree with you. But having someone around your children that you know does drugs would be pretty irresponsible parenting, no? Of course, the same case could be made for a refugee as well...although I can see why she may think a refugee literally fleeing violence and murder may be of a higher priority than a homeless man in Britain.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 12/01/2019 10:46

Of course it is easier when your life isn’t impacted

Even in London and I suspect other big cities if you are MC your life is not impacted the same way as if you are less privileged you do not have the same issues with schools, competition for housing, over subscribed GP surgery’s

Once people feel their life is impacted in a negative way they soon become less accommodating doesn’t mean they become rabid right wingers but it’s part of being human to look after your needs and that if those close to you first

YahBasic · 12/01/2019 10:47

YANBU.

We were hugely lucky to be able to afford the 6k+ fees to get non-EU DH a work visa to move here. Plus be able to afford to run two households for six months and for me to have the earning power for him to be able to qualify to be here.

It’s going to cost another god knows how much for him to get permanent residency etc.

And yet if either of us was French, German etc, no cost. The sheer unfairness is striking, and it’s why I have little sympathy for people complaining about paying £60 to be here indefinitely.