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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do childless people join Mumsnet?

255 replies

Sammysees · 12/01/2019 09:12

Each to their own and I’m not saying they shouldn’t join. There are a plethora of boards that help people with or without kids. The site is called “Mums”net though. I’m curious as to why someone without kids would even think to join the site in the first place. If you are childless and reading this ... Can I ask what made you join Mumsnet?

OP posts:
ChrisPrattsFace · 12/01/2019 10:13

I’ve had medical problems and told I wouldn’t have children, I came here many years ago for advice and support through it.
Things have changed since and I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with my health/child possibilities so I’ve stayed.
And I like the entertainment factor on some posts!

VoleClock · 12/01/2019 10:15

A friend recommended AIBU for some displacement activity when i was supposed to be working. I found a wonderful place full of wise, witty and warm women - why wouldn't i want to stay?

LostInShoebiz · 12/01/2019 10:16

what has been your favourite thread?

The long running one about what you shouldn’t say to people without children. Including such gems as “why are you even here?”

Peanutss · 12/01/2019 10:20

This sort of thread is really hurtful for women who are TTC and/or suffering losses

Agreed.

Zoflorabore · 12/01/2019 10:23

The only bit of me that is well rounded is my arse.

Cautionsharpblade · 12/01/2019 10:24

I came for the net. Disappointed.

Becca19962014 · 12/01/2019 10:26

I came here after being trapped in by a pushchair which my neighbour insisted putting, with brakes on, outside my door preventing me getting in/out. No one and I mean no one gave a shit everyone needed to see the problem - every person I contacted to help me rang her first to say they were coming and she moved it. I ended up being reported for hate crime because she was Muslim and I obviously was spreading lies. Other people had seen it, but no one would take their word either. I took photos. No same thing.

In the end I decided it was my fault and I needed some perspective. I'd heard about the nest of vipers that is mumsnet and made a thread, in AIBU and prepared to have my ass handed to me, but more than than have it explained to me without it becoming about me being infertile/race.

The opposite happened. Overwhealmingly posters here supported me for months and months, I had PMs supporting me as well. That's not to say some didn't think I was in the wrong, some did, but I never got the responses I was expecting.

That's my favourite thread.

Lemonylem · 12/01/2019 10:26

I never react to threads on here but for some reason this has really upset me. Do you not think that women who aren’t mothers despite years of trying and longing are reminded of that fact every time they step out of the house or turn on the tv or talk to their friends?! But to question why we are even here? As though we haven’t yet earned the right!

Blibbyblobby · 12/01/2019 10:26

I enjoy reading a forum that has predominantly, but not exclusively, female voices. Most other forums I have found over the years (many years now!) have more men contributing than women and they are, TBH, a bit samey.

I'm sure if I read lots of women-centred forums that woudl be samey as well, but I don;t so I appreciate mumsnet.

Similarly for being predominantly, but not exclusively, UK voices.

And the swearing.

3moons · 12/01/2019 10:26

Same reason I go to a shopping centre to browse only - you can view the world

darkriver198868 · 12/01/2019 10:27

I joined solely for the fact that every adoption search I did bought up Mumsnet. As a birth parent finding a forum that didn't make me feel worse then I already did was key. (even that is touch and go now.) Even though technically I am still a parent "legally" I am not

I now stay for the creative writing section and the AIBU.

Rosehip10 · 12/01/2019 10:27

Why is this boring question asked so frequently?

jollygoose · 12/01/2019 10:30

My dc are in their 30s and 40s and I am a grandmother. I love mumsnet as I get an enormous amount of interest through it. I especially enjoy a good parking/neighbour dispute and on a more serious side I empathise with relationship problems though rarely do I feel I can personally give advice.

Coffeebean76 · 12/01/2019 10:35

Because you won't get a more well rounded individual than someone that has been a mother and/or a wife for a prolonged period.

Well rounded when it comes to mothering and ‘wife-ing’. Your definition of well rounded is very narrow, ironically.

Happilyacceptingcookies · 12/01/2019 10:35

Anyone can join because we live in a democracy. Why so possessive?

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 12/01/2019 10:42

Many brilliant answers, a few unnecessary ones.

I was curious what brings people here, I've not noticed a huge number of mumsnet posts coming up in my internet searches, I'm fact I don't tenner any coming up or I might have started looking here sooner. Haven't seen a single thread asking this question before. Hadn't searched, but then this one popped up. I certainly wasn't asking from an exclusionary p.o.v., I don't think places should exclude people on technicalities like that. But I don't wonder why they called it mumsnet. Also because something many dads post here too, it seems a bit sexist to me. I started coming back here for the aibu (I just wanted to know WTF an aibu was, the acronyms used in this site are nuts). And now there's bin gate, parking wars, snapped and farted.....

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 12/01/2019 10:43

Remember, not tenner

Lexilooo · 12/01/2019 10:44

Because I was a regular on another forum and someone there shared Penis Beaker when it all kicked off. I read that and thought it was hilarious. So I read more funny AIBU stuff from time to time. Then I came back and actually registered when I was confused about whether to TTC.

I have since discovered all the other boards, and stay for them, mainly feminist chat, style and beauty and weight loss.

Angelicwings · 12/01/2019 10:45

Some come here for advice on how to conceive or infertility advice is the main one that springs to mind? Some have step children or their new DP/boyfriend has children.

I joined in 2004 (changed names many a time and re-registered after the Geoffrey scandal) because I stumbled across it and I really couldn't believe there was an open site in which posters were openly chatting online, live, about all sorts of everyday topics not just children. This was a completely new notion to me at the time. Also at the time I was isolated and lonely and so it became a place to "chat" as there was always usually somebody around (although in those days, a lot smaller and there was a hardcore group of posters who would literally ignore any contributions from new posters). The old "MN Royalty" group.

Now the site is so big that there's too many for a real "MN Royalty" group (and for the better IMO as it was fairly cliquey) although I still see the odd old-time posters here from time to time.

Anyway, that's my experience!

BejamNostalgia · 12/01/2019 10:45

I wasn’t a Mum when I started posting. Initially because of the fertility boards, but I found much of the level of debate was higher than elsewhere on the internet than it is elsewhere and the IQ of posters generally higher so I would have stayed regardless of whether I had kids or not.

Personally, I usually value the posts of people who are childless but post thoughtfully than I do the posts of those whose thinking is so limited they can’t imagine for themselves why the childless would post here.

I think that kind of excluding ‘it’s for Mum’s, go away’ attitude childish, nasty and dull witted. I think people like that should probably go to Netmum’s, they’d fit in better there. And I really can’t think why anyone childless would want to read the bilge on there and put up with the chavs on there sending abuse by PM if you disagree with them.

SerenDippitty · 12/01/2019 10:45

I came because someone told me it was interesting and not all about parenting. I’m childless not by choice and it has given me an insight intoth3 downsides of having kids.

qazxc · 12/01/2019 10:45

I joined when i was TTC and the site has been very helpful through that and my subsequent miscarriages.
The threads also show up when i google things not related to parenting (like cooking or TV programs) so I could have joined up through those interests as well.
The site is also mentioned in the press when journos pick upon a specific thread, so people might join because of that as well.

Trills · 12/01/2019 10:48

If the answer is not obvious to you, you must be reading only really boring threads.

Sleepyhead11 · 12/01/2019 10:48

I enjoy the discussions. people on here often give good practical advice. Also, I want children and it's good to research the experience. I am a planner and want to know as much as possible.

HundoP · 12/01/2019 10:55

Because you won't get a more well rounded individual than someone that has been a mother and/or a wife for a prolonged period.

Utterly offensive, risible, bizarre and untrue.

Sure there are some dickheads but there are everywhere.

They sure are ReetDortyLass, there sure are...

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