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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To abandon/ghost someone in their time of need?

59 replies

FlorencePetal · 11/01/2019 19:09

Ex partner.
Broke up but lived together still.
Both have MH issues.
She has an extensive history of self harm and suicide attempts (esp after break ups)
Twice she threatened suicide and dissapered (ending up at A&E)
She is now in a psychiatric unit.

I can't have her back here. Social services have got involved and I'm not willing to go down that road. WE ARENT TOGETHER.

She's been messaging me constantly. Saying I said I was her friend etc

I told her she can't come back here

I'm getting shit from her for making her homeless and she's expecting me to visit her and bring her things etc.

I don't want to :(

Thing is she has no friends or family so if I walked away she would be alone.

No home. No money. In a suicidal state.

I've really tried but there's no room in my house and she is highly manipulative.

Since she's gone I've felt so much lighter. Apart from her constant messages.

AIBU to take her essentials then block her on everything? Maybe just send a message saying I'm sorry but I can't do this?

I did say i would support her after we broke up but she's expecting way too much.

Freaking out if I don't reply within minutes etc

OP posts:
User758172 · 11/01/2019 19:12

Don’t do it OP! She’s not your responsibility! She needs more help than you can safely offer. Do not have her back with you!

lanbury · 11/01/2019 19:13

I think you need to put yourself first Flowers

NotANotMan · 11/01/2019 19:13

How many times are you going to post the same thing?

She's putting your children at risk with suicidal behaviour in the home and social services being called. I get that you're codependent and struggling to let go but you need to.

Original poster
FlorencePetal · 11/01/2019 19:13

I'm 100%not having her back here.

But should I try and support her (and get abuse for it) or walk away fully? Cut contact? But leave her totally alone :(

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 11/01/2019 19:13

Block her. Tell her you're doing it then do it.

NotANotMan · 11/01/2019 19:14

She will destroy your mental health if you don't block her. Nothing you do will ever be enough for her.

Original poster
FlorencePetal · 11/01/2019 19:14

I've not asked before if I should walk away :(

I've never fair able to but I'm reaching my limit

Sorry if I've posted this before

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/01/2019 19:15

Take her things to her but don't see her - leave them with a member of staff.

Then you should tell the member of staff she's highly manipulative and you don't want her anywhere near you or your family. Then block her on absolutely everything.

NineInchSnail · 11/01/2019 19:17

Walk away. By staying involved in any capacity you give her hope that you will get back together with her. If you've decided the relationship is over then giving her this hope is not helping her, it's just prolonging the breakup and the pain for both of you.
Time for a clean break.

Neverender · 11/01/2019 19:19

Completely leave her to it. It's hard but you know this is the best thing for you. And that's your no.1 responsibility.

Kookey · 11/01/2019 19:20

I'm sorry for what you're going through OP. Best to remember she won't be entirely alone, there are professionals out there who will look after her so cut yourself some slack, it's sounds as though you have done more than enough but there has to be a line crossed and she's gone past that. She needs help from doctors now.

Kikipost · 11/01/2019 19:21

Social services.

There’s children involved then.

Walk away. Do not engage. For your children’s sake.

NotANotMan · 11/01/2019 19:24

You may not have asked but you've posted over and over and been advised to cut contact.
I'm not trying to be a cow but really. What do you think people will say different?

Hazardswan · 11/01/2019 19:24

Take her stuff but don't see her, leave it with a member of staff. Block everything. Maybe ring the unit beforehand to fill them in? Then they will be ready for her emotional reaction and you've done the best you can.

Original poster
FlorencePetal · 11/01/2019 19:25

Yes. I have children.

You're right. I just needed to hear it

I'm just worried she will kill herself. It will be on my conscience forever

OP posts:
lily2403 · 11/01/2019 19:27

Do they have children...I don’t see any mention of children

NotANotMan · 11/01/2019 19:27

OP has children who are in the middle of this horror

OP you are not responsible for her

lily2403 · 11/01/2019 19:27

Ah posted then saw you do have children...are the children both of your children

SD1978 · 11/01/2019 19:28

You weren't willing to accept the very reasonable advice you were given the last time. Are
You planning on this time? She's not your problem, but you enjoy the drama of her being your problem. Either cut co tact, and block her, or continue to get caught up in the dream of it all, potentially to your own detriment.

NotANotMan · 11/01/2019 19:30

They are the OP's children
Not the partner's children

Original poster
FlorencePetal · 11/01/2019 19:31

No I don't enjoy the drama.

She is a woman I once LOVED who had a terrible childhood and has been left over and over again and now I'm going to be the next person to do that.

So excuse me if I tried to help her

OP posts:
cheesywotnots · 11/01/2019 19:33

Take her some essentials if you want to, leave them with the staff and tell the nurse that you do not want any more contact with her so they need to remove your details if they have them, her mum is her next of kin. Tell them she will not be living with you, change the locks if she has a key and block her on your phone, emails. The hospital will sort out discharge plans.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 11/01/2019 19:34

You've had about 100 responses across 4 threads all giving similar advice. How much more do you need. Stop engaging with this. End it.

Original poster
FlorencePetal · 11/01/2019 19:35

People here are so mean. This isn't easy. It's a huge thing to do to someone.

I won't post again

OP posts:
TheVortex · 11/01/2019 19:35

I suspect she's using the fact that you are worried she will kill herself. It's emotionally manipulative.

Please block and walk away. Change locks. Do what you need to do to protect your own MH.