To abandon/ghost someone in their time of need?

[FlorencePetal]

Ex partner.
Broke up but lived together still.
Both have MH issues.
She has an extensive history of self harm and suicide attempts (esp after break ups)
Twice she threatened suicide and dissapered (ending up at A&E)
She is now in a psychiatric unit.

I can't have her back here. Social services have got involved and I'm not willing to go down that road. WE ARENT TOGETHER.

She's been messaging me constantly. Saying I said I was her friend etc

I told her she can't come back here

I'm getting shit from her for making her homeless and she's expecting me to visit her and bring her things etc.

I don't want to :(

Thing is she has no friends or family so if I walked away she would be alone.

No home. No money. In a suicidal state.

I've really tried but there's no room in my house and she is highly manipulative.

Since she's gone I've felt so much lighter. Apart from her constant messages.

AIBU to take her essentials then block her on everything? Maybe just send a message saying I'm sorry but I can't do this?

I did say i would support her after we broke up but she's expecting way too much.

Freaking out if I don't reply within minutes etc

You've been through this lots of times here. You're not ghosting her.shes not able to manage. You've tried to help her.its causing you and you family pain. It's not surprising you feel guilty about her. That is a normal human response. But her health needs are beyond you at the moment. Let her be. Be sad you can't help her. But you need to look after yourself now.

I haven't read your other posts but it sounds as though it would be better for both of you for you to walk away.

Better for you because you need to focus on the welfare of your children first and foremost.

Better for her because having you as a crutch and forever hoping you will get back together won't be helping her. She needs to get better for herself. Leave well alone and let her do that.

Some people would be ashamed to have social services involved.

Not you though! Try loving your children as much as you love this woman.

People aren't being mean. But they are pointing out that there are only so many times you can post the same thing and get the same advice, before people get fed up. There are plenty of posters here who have been through awful situations - all they are dong is giving you the benefit of their experience but they aren't dressing it up, because this is not complicated when you break down what needs to be done.

If you are looking - or hoping - for a different answer, then stop, because there isn't one. You HAVE to prioritise your children. You cannot help this woman. She is not your responsibility. Her past shit life is not your fault. You cannot fix her.

I know they are hard truths to hear, but agonising over this and whipping yourself into a frenzy of self-hatred because you think you should be "saving" her is not going to help or change anything.

Tell her you won't be replying to her again, wish her the best for the future and then block her number.

Very helpful Vuri

Vuri’s got a point though. OP has only mentioned her kids once in passing, the rest of her posts have been about her ex and the incredibly toxic relationship her poor kids are witnessing.
I’d be concentrating on the mental health of your own kids OP if I were you.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes

thanks!

Of course it’s hard to totally let go of responsibility for someone vulnerable. But where will it end? Will you stay with her forever, let her back in your home, live your life to please and help her, if she says she’ll kill herself if you don’t.

There comes a point where you either cut contact, or just accept that the whole rest of your life will revolve around her and her problems.

Don't have her back. The staff will help her find accommodation whether that's a placement or applying to the council for housing. They won't discharge her homeless.