AIBU to be pissed off at DH?

[KitKat1985]

We realised a few days ago that we had mice in the loft (we could hear scurrying in the loft and found a dead mouse and other 'mice' signs). I'm aware that it needed resolving and wanted to look into humane ways to manage the problem, whereas DH just wanted to get a pest controller out to put poison down (disclaimer I'm a softie vegetarian, DH is not). I came home from work half an hour ago and DH admitted he had called out a pest controller today to put poison down whilst I was at work. He deliberately didn't tell me he was going to do this as he knew I would object. I know we needed to deal with the issue but I'm pretty pissed off he disrespected my feelings on the issue and went ahead and did it behind my back. AIBU? Or should I just accept that it needed doing?

I'm with your DH. Fucking horrible things mice and hard to get rid of

We get the occassional mouse. The humane traps worked pretty well for us.
We've got a cat now though. The last time we had a mouse she dealt with it very promptly. Not quite like the humane traps but very swiftly and efficiently.
I'm hoping a cat in the house will put off any more mice venturing in.

And FWIW the old fashioned trap ones don't always kill instantly. But I prefer them to poison / alternatives

I think anyone commenting 'humane doesn't work' is kind of missing the point.

It's not about which method is more effective. It's about the breach of trust. If the DH completely disagreed with the OP then the best solution would have been to say "Okay, we'll try it your way first. If it doesn't work within a week or two, we're putting poison down, okay?"

But he didn't. He lied to her face.

YANBU to feel insulted or angry, because having that happen is never fun. However on the grand scheme of things, this is a relatively small problem which should be solvable with a calm and non-judgemental conversation between the two of you. If that's not possible then you may have bigger problems than mice.

@KarmaWhore

It was expedient having working our way through sonic preventer (rubbish and sometimes i can hear them), human traps (got one otherwise knicked the peanut butter without setting off the trap) poison and kill traps ( ours got the bait off those too, got a couple that way). I filled holes and plastic stored all food and anything paper or linen. We got rid or at least no sign while we lived there.

Then rented the property for a bit. Went to sell the property, prospective buyers were met by a dead mouse.... turns out the tenents had had rentokil out a few times.

Im not convinced by poison

Poisoning is a horrible method and has a knock on effect for the local eco system, with owls and other predators potentially being poisoned. Kill traps are more humane imo. Glue traps are very inhumane.

We used humane traps when we had mice in the garage. Chocolate digestives and releasing them at least 2 miles away otherwise they'll come back.

Can't help with the politics betwixt ye and he but they are little sods and do cause damage we have some premises out in the sticks and they can get in thru the smallest of holes.

Tried all manner of control but these sold by toolstation are wickedly leathal. Mousey is there one moment a thousadth of a second he or she is gone to the big mouse kingdom in the skey they are streets ahead of all the other ones they smash his her neck and its an instant good night Vienna.

Bait them with peanut butter works a treat its much more humane than poision and a cat, the bloody useless moggie we have dosnet kill them he brings them in then chases them around the house as its warmer inside and he dosent like the cold anymore;(

Wuss puss!

www.toolstation.com/sure-set-mouse-trap/p26996

@Howdoyoudoit31 Why is the OP being U? I hate the way some people just type YABU on AIBU threads, without saying why, very lazy. As if there couldn't possibly be another way of looking at it, as well, when that's very rarely the case.

As the owner of 4 cats who bring dead mice into the house regularly, I confess I don't get the upset about mice being killed, so my immediate reaction is to say she's BU.

However, the OP admits that she is over-sensitive and that the mice problem needed dealing with. OTOH, she had said to her DH that she didn't want to involve pest control as she wanted to find a humane way of dealing with the problem.

Mouse traps can be effective, though obviously more time-consuming than calling in pest control. (And I do understand the point about mouse traps not necessarily being completely humane. There probably isn't a way of dealing with a mouse problem that's entirely humane.)

My MIL had a problem with mice in her house and she did use traps, and blocked off the entry points the mice were coming in through. It was a hard process and we kept hearing about the mice, but the problem has now been resolved.

YANBU to be upset with your DH for going behind your back, OP. That would annoy me, too, especially if it was an issue I felt strongly about.

Oh OP, I tried every humane way with one lot....only thing that worked was one of the truly inhumane glue pads, I had to kill two myself (with a brick 😳😖). Poison is far ‘nicer’ and hey, if one dies under the floorboards you can always take heart that your dh can be reminded of his calousness for weeks...
Ps I got a cat in the end which solved my issue without having to eternally debate my ethics😁

Were you going to go & ask them to leave?

He did the right thing.

I'm kind of amazed you discussed this for days! They multiply very quickly, so time is of the essence.

I love animals but mice are vermin and should not be tolerated in the home forvany period.

I was surprised to find that I could catch them by hand too (in a tupperware pot), I had heard that they were very quick. I think they were confused/scared. After that we used the spring traps which were very effective. The ones I caught by hand I drove a couple of miles but I actually felt worse about it, as they would have been in a strange area without their family.

I would never countenance glue traps, the mouse rips its skin and flesh off when trying to tear itself away from the glue.

I've been married 30 years and once he bought a flat without telling me. It happens.

Missing the point hugely but wtaf BlueJag?!

(Back on topic I agree with Crazybunnylady123 and Sethis)

YADNBU - he should have spoken to you first

Poison is far from painless.

It's totally possible to get rid of mice by blocking entry points and capturing life interlopers (use metal on the entry points such as wire wool) it isn't fast but it works.

The point is absolutely not the mice it's the lack of respect by dh for the ops view, feelings, wants or wishes. You don't get to ride roughshod over someone because you (or a bunch of people on the internet) think you're right. That's the very definition of a partnership not working.

Ok I hope you're angry and not prepared to back down. There's nothing you can do about the nice now but your relationship needs a shake up and your partner needs to understand a partnership is not just for when you agree, it's also about those moment's when you don't agree and have to work, talk and compromise.

How long would posters suggest was spent with ineffective methods? If one mouse with a litter of around 10 becomes pregnant on the day of discovery and it's expected to spend a good six weeks 'to see whether the humane method has worked', there could be another 10 mice halfway through the period, just as the first 10 become sexually mature.

By the end of the 6 weeks, that means that there could be

The original female mouse (still breeding, she's got anything up to another 10 litters to have this year)

The 10 baby mice

The 10 baby mice could have had 90 baby mice of their own (assuming there's just 1 male).

The second batch of 10 mice.

So, around six weeks could go from 1 adult mouse and a litter to 101 mice. And not only are there those, the first batch are ready for another pregnancy and the second batch are just about reaching sexual maturity.

When I'm wrong about something that affects the health and safety of anybody in the house (including myself) I'd expect the OH to make a decision, even if he knows I won't be pleased about it, especially when ineffective action could result in an exponential growth in the problem.

He has a right not to have his health endangered by mouse piss and shit and I think that right trumps his OH's right to think baby mice are really cute and for her feelings about cute baby mice are not to be hurt.

If you do end up using the snap ones, make sure you get decent ones that release on a hair trigger as small mice don't activate the cheap ones so you'll essentially be feeding them.

Every time I see someone recommend getting a cat, I'm reminded of the David Mitchell sketch- we got a cat exactly because of this btw .

Oh gosh this is a tough one because I hate being lied to by partners who think it's for your own good - it's patronising.

BUT in this case maybe it was for your own good OP. I think he did save you from having to make the same tough decision weeks from now when the infestation is way worse.

Sorry but it sounds like your DH was between a rock and a hard place and did what he thought was best at the time. I can't really fault him for that, you can't leave a problem like mice for a few days while you look into options, they breed too quickly, you need to get on top of if asap. I'm also v against the capture/release idea too, why would someone else (or a farmer) want your ex-mice?

Sorry OP but if you can hear them ( they are virtually silent) you either have a massive colony or rats. You need a cat or 2.

I personally think that partners should discuss things. Not that one should take unilateral action against the other’s wishes.

This is mumsnet in 1950smode, praising the guy for talking “firm decisive action”. I’d rather be with someone who respects me as a human enough to talk about things when we disagree.

How long was he meant to wait for her to decide what humane method she wanted though??

She says it was a few days ago they where found. So if she was that concerned she should have immediately done her research and get it sorted. Given it’s an issue that is only likely to get worse overtime then the lack of action suggests she doesn’t really care that much and someone needs to take decisive action.

Hello OP here. Wasn't ignoring your replies but I'd done a 14 hour shift yesterday (nurse) and ended up going off to bed last night. I can accept there was never going to be an perfect compromise on this, and thought humane methods are not often as efficient as pest control based methods. And like I say in my OP, I am very aware that it needed sorting. I don't really like poison as it's quite a slow, painful death for the mice and also it can affect other animals (like owls, foxes, cats etc) that may eat the poisoned mice, but I do accept that even the 'humane' methods aren't perfect (although I could never contemplate glue traps). We briefly discussed this morning and he said he felt trapped as he knew I didn't want to deal with it, so he felt he had to. Apparently he called pest control on Monday and had known for 3 days that they were coming yesterday (and made arrangements with his manager to work from home yesterday and everything o he could be there to let them in) and never told me. I think it's the fact that he did it behind my back that has annoyed me more than anything. If he had just said to me on Monday morning "KitKat I know you don't like it but I'm calling pest control today and asking them to come out to deal with the mice" I probably would have accepted it better.

but I'd done a 14 hour shift yesterday (nurse)

Bloody hell!, that sounds like a Dickensian sweat shop!! never mind a few micees is it safe to be doing that job for that length of time?.

To be fair @Justaboy I could do 5 'normal' work days a week or 3 long days a week. As it stands my work kindly let me do 3 long days a week (with 1 of those days being at the weekend when DH is at home to have our DDs who are 4 and 2), so that we only have to pay for nursery 2 days in the week. If we had to pay full time nursery fees for both of them so that I could go into work 5 days a week, then it wouldn't really be worth me working at all. So hard though it is, financially it's the only way I can make it work right now, but yes, I am usually exhausted by the end of the day, especially if it's been a busy couple of shifts.