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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be pissed off at DH?

77 replies

KitKat1985 · 10/01/2019 22:03

We realised a few days ago that we had mice in the loft (we could hear scurrying in the loft and found a dead mouse and other 'mice' signs). I'm aware that it needed resolving and wanted to look into humane ways to manage the problem, whereas DH just wanted to get a pest controller out to put poison down (disclaimer I'm a softie vegetarian, DH is not). I came home from work half an hour ago and DH admitted he had called out a pest controller today to put poison down whilst I was at work. He deliberately didn't tell me he was going to do this as he knew I would object. I know we needed to deal with the issue but I'm pretty pissed off he disrespected my feelings on the issue and went ahead and did it behind my back. AIBU? Or should I just accept that it needed doing?

OP posts:
arranbubonicplague · 10/01/2019 22:52

By and large it's not feasible for most households to use 'humane' traps in a humane manner. T

[[https://www.ufaw.org.uk/downloads/welfare-downloads/guidance-on-humane-control-of-rodents-feb2509v19.pdf[[

Epiphany52 · 10/01/2019 22:55

If your children had bits, would you find a humane way to get rid of them? Mice, nits. Different sizes, similar problem imo

London91 · 10/01/2019 22:56

Poison is the most humane method. Using sticky boards or snap traps cause rodents a much more painful death than poison, especially sticky boards. They will sometimes try to bite their own legs to get off the trap.

Bluelady · 10/01/2019 22:57

We regularly get mice in our very old house, if we didn't kill the little bastards we'd be over run. Your husband's right.

RomanyRoots · 10/01/2019 22:58

YABU by the time you'd have done something you'd be over run. They are disgusting and pee everywhere. Certainly unhygienic, I wouldn't want my dc or any family member to have mice over running their home.

confusedandemployed · 10/01/2019 22:58

Sorry YABU. Only way to get rid of mice is poison. Poison the mother, she will go home and feed her babies poison. Humane traps just take the mothers away, babies are left either to die or to take mums place. You have to poison them or they will always be around.

GreenEggsHamandChips · 10/01/2019 22:59

I think it can be a case do you kill a few mice inhumanely or lots of mice potentially for years

Thewifipasswordis · 10/01/2019 23:01

So... quick painless poison death vs long drawn out starvation death in the cold winter and eating their own young?

Yabu OP. And have no idea what 'humane' means clearly.

arranbubonicplague · 10/01/2019 23:02

www.ufaw.org.uk/downloads/welfare-downloads/guidance-on-humane-control-of-rodents-feb2509v19.pdf

There are two important disadvantages of live traps. First, the welfare consequences of being trapped which may include injuries associated with trying to escape. Secondly, captured rodents must be disposed of (ie released or killed) humanely. Dealing with live caught animals, especially rats, is very challenging. Simply letting animals go is likely to be unsatisfactory for various reasons (including their welfare – see below) and killing live rats and mice humanely is beyond the experience (or competence) of many people.

The welfare of captured rodents is covered by the Animal Welfare Act 2006 (see Box 1). This Act puts in place a duty of care for the welfare of all animals under human control. If live traps are used they must therefore be of a suitable type (unlikely to cause injury to the animals); they must be inspected sufficiently frequently so that trapped animals are not at risk of water or food deprivation or to exposure. We recommend at least twice daily, this is a compromise between what is ideal for welfare and what is likely to be practicable. Trapped animals must be dealt with humanely. Release of an animal elsewhere is not necessarily a humane thing to do – translocated animals may fail to adapt to or integrate into new territory and may suffer and die as a result (Mason and Littin, 2003). Killing is much less likely to carry a risk of causing suffering than release in an unfamiliar area, and release of some species may be illegal. See Box 1 for notes on the law relating to release of rodents.

Reallyevilmuffin · 10/01/2019 23:02

I dunno. I'm not overly concerned on the killing despite being vegetarian also, but if one dies in the walling where it is ventilating it might smell very nasty.

starzig · 10/01/2019 23:04

Next time you'll need to get in first and clear them the humane way before he has the chance to call pest control.

MitziK · 10/01/2019 23:04

There are no 'humane' ways to deal with a mouse infestation. If they're in your house, they will be getting through holes so small, you won't be able to even see some of them.

The least traumatic way of dealing with a mouse infestation is to do it quickly and efficiently.

It's natural for cats to deal with them - but whilst that's great fun for the cat, it's going to be much less so for the mouse. A kill trap is likely to be the fastest in the majority of situations, but can only deal with one mouse at a time and, thanks to their rate of reproduction, just two surviving by not taking the bait means you'll be back to square one within weeks. Glue traps are horrible.

Professionals putting down a professional grade poison will mean that the mice will die quickly (as they are getting a powerful/effective dosage) and it will deal with the entire nest at once, meaning there is less likelihood of having to do it repeatedly.

It's not nice for the mice, whatever way it happens. But I think he was sensible to go full nuclear on the infestation straight away, rather than try lots of different methods that are less effective and a lot crueller.

Even vegetarians need to eat food that hasn't been contaminated by mouse urine. Because if you have them in the loft, there is no way that they aren't also enjoying themselves in your kitchen overnight.

I don't think you are unreasonable in itself - it's not a pleasant thing to have to do, irrespective of whether you eat meat or not - but you are being unrealistic and he did what was right, even to the extent to taking responsibility for it away from you (as that means you aren't going to be in the position of realising there is nothing that can be done without killing them and feeling bad about making that decision). He did what needed to be done.

Laine21 · 10/01/2019 23:04

Even with a cat we had mice, she would flick over the humane trap and the flippin thing would escape and then she would play with it! We now have 3 cats and no mice.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/01/2019 23:09

Nope, I would not live with vermin either. And I’m a soppy vegetarian. Also, if I found anyone humanely releasing their trapped mice anywhere near my home there would be Words.

Purpleartichoke · 10/01/2019 23:10

He dealt with a problem where time is of the essence. Mice breed fast. If you wanted to deploy this mythical humane solution (I don’t truly believe one exists for mice) than you should have done it faster.

If you got a good exterminator, they also will mark down all the places you should repair and/or reinforce to prevent access. That you should definitely do

KarmaWhore · 10/01/2019 23:11

Yanbu. Caring about the lives of other living things can never be wrong. Do not doubt yourself. From one vegetarian to another if my df did that he would be gone. I love animals and luckily so does he. Your feelings are completely valid. Those poor mice. X

I second this 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@GreenEggsHamandChips A glue trap is horrifying and a bit sadistic Confused

TatianaLarina · 10/01/2019 23:12

I don’t think you’re BU. As a veggie I think you should have had input into the kind of trap. I don’t think he should have used poison as it kills them too slowly.

But perhaps your DH knew that you’d faff about with humane traps given the chance.

sherrysfortea · 10/01/2019 23:13

YANBU when we had mice earlier on this year I caught a few by hand and got rid of them, blocked up holes (wire wool is good for this) and took all food sources away, they were stockpiling the dogs kibble.

It took patience but they are gone now.

slithytove · 10/01/2019 23:13

Get a sonic preventer thing for the future btw

Purpleartichoke · 10/01/2019 23:14

Our cat loved the mice. She would pick them up in the basement and bring them up 2 flights to our bedroom. She would then set them down very gently and be surprised when they scurried away. Cats are worthless.

cyclecamper · 10/01/2019 23:14

"What humane ways are there of getting rid of mice?"

Move house. It's the only thing that works.

SnackingRevolution · 10/01/2019 23:15

Get a cat. Let nature sort it out

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 10/01/2019 23:18

I think he did the right thing, but maybe you need to have a chat about why he felt he had to go behind your back to do it.

BackforGood · 10/01/2019 23:19

I would always advise new couples getting together to work out how they deal with things when they disagree, before making any commitments (like having dc or even buying property together), so totally understand you are upset that you didn't discuss it together and come to a decision you could both live with but I think this was the exception tbh. If you have mice in the house, you want rid a.s.a.p as they breed very quickly. I have to agree with the majority - I think your dh made a good call to take responsibility for quick, decisive action in this case, even though he knew you wouldn't have been comfortable asking pest control in yourself.

GummyGoddess · 10/01/2019 23:20

YANBU, he deliberately didn't tell you because he knew you would be upset and did it anyway.

You could have got the plug in repellers, the catch and release traps or just the snap ones to kill instantly (not the glue ones, they're horrible). Anything's better than the poison ones, they are not painless like PP said.

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