To ask how I should deal with my extremely horrific baby

[JumpOfACliff]

ok she isnt the devil incarnated but sometimes i literally want to jump off a cliff. She is so so clingy. she screams bloody murder if I put her down even next to me. Shes a crap sleeper at night and during the day though is improving a little with naps.

its utterly exhausting and im running out of patience. Today i was completing a job application and she just pressed a button and I lost it all. I was so fucking pissed off. She wont play on the floor next to me with her toys. She just wants to be held and even then shes still maoning. My arms are constantly aching. My back hurts from lugging her around everywhere and doing every single thing with her in my arms - cooking, cleaning, everything with her in my arms.

Im at my wits end and cannot take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DS was like this - although I think he wanted attention/stimulation more than personal contact with me. I used slings, baby bouncers, walker seats etc, otherwise he grizzled all the time, especially towards the afternoon/evening. I did find if I turned his buggy/chair towards the wall when we were out or I was busy, he might snooze as he couldn't see anything to interest him. But basically he was incapable of amusing himself - I actually looked forward to him getting mobile but tbf that didn't help either. He's now 10 and diagnosed with ASD and ADHD so maybe the ADHD was his issue, or maybe he was just clingy. He did improve though - hang in there, it's hard work but it will pass, as PPs have said!

I had that baby too and I feel your pain. We loved him but there was very little joy in the house. Even now looking back there are v few baby pictures in comparison with his brother as he never stopped wailing long enough. Things did get better... he’s a pet now although still high maintenance! He’s just a really emotional kid so although I still get the bad moods, I also get massive hugs and I love you etc. He’s also quite bright which I think added to it... he hates being an immobile, non verbal baby! Good luck ...

I had one like this - I would really advise you to re consider the sling. I got one that distributes the weight and is actually usable until they are toddlers - not advising using it until then but the weigh distribution makes a difference.

I had to have him in the sling (went on my back or front) doing absolutely everything otherwise he screamed non stop. He was then followed by my extremely easy and chilled baby. At 4 my ‘high maintenance’ baby is a dream and has been for a long time. My easy baby is now a lot of work. It’s easy saying just be patient and it will change but in the moment it drives you crazy. Try and remember this is a phase and try out slings that might work.

I am not an advocate of the current trend to always comfort and carry/tend to a screaming baby because of my own experience. My babies were not as clingy as yours seem to be OP, but they were twins and in the beginning I frequently had situations where they were both crying at once and I couldn't comfort them both. I started out swapping between the two and it seemed like they'd never settle. Hours of screaming get one a little bit less screamy and the other would kick it up a notch so I'd swap over. Calm the second one to being grumpy and moany and the first would ratchet it up again. One day, at about 4 months I just decided to concentrate on one and left the other safely in her cot, screaming. I found out that day that sometimes babies settle better on their own even when they're screaming. The one I left in the cot fell asleep before I managed to fully settle the one I was holding. It was a revelation. I tried it again next time the other way around and the same thing happened. Over time I learnt to tell when they just needed a littke time to settle and when they really needed holding.

Yours is 10 months so maybe this is not so relevant. But it may be worth reconsidering the always tending and see if it's maybe overstimulating your baby a little and what's needed is a bit of patience with the screaming..

My DS was a Velcro baby, whoever was holding him couldn't put him down. We bought a touring caravan when he was 3 months old & he was brilliant when we were in it because he was never more than a couple of feet away, he could look out the window at the ducks on the lake & all the other residents walking their dogs going past, we used to put his bouncy chair on the sofa so he could watch the world go by & he was happy, so much so we spent the whole summer from May to September while I was on maternity leave in the caravan, he got loads of fresh air & learned to self settle to sleep, he just woke for feeds & went back to sleep. He was a nightmare at home because our house had the kitchen at the front & the windows in the lounge were too high for him to see out of. When it was warm we put his travel cot in the shade outside with toys in & he just watched the world go by, at 10 months his first words were doggy & ducks, not mummy & daddy. Without that caravan I think we would have been tearing our hair out.

I feel for you - such hard work xx Babies can be as infuriating as they are delightful. Although I hated baby groups/swimming classes and all those yummy mummy enterprises I took my baby to groups simply to wear him out so he would sleep for a bit, never very long but better than the no-nap/cranky baby alternative. I found my best bet were the cheapy church playgroups as there are usually some nice friendly granny helpers who genuinely like children and would be happy to hold the little cling-on when my arms went numb.

I'm in a similar boat. My dd is approaching ten months and a terrible sleeper (I consider a 3 hour stretch to be wonderful if I get that). I think I need to finish breastfeeding very soon (dd is waking for comfort) and instigate a bit of controlled crying with dh's help. This is going to be hard, I have done it before but in the end all our lives seemed better when we got a bit more sleep.

I made the mistake of having a late night last night and this morning I was in an awful state, added to pmt, I really felt like I wasn't coping and even wondered if pnd was setting in (I have had it twice before - I have two older children), so also have them to care for although they are school age. Back to this morning; I just felt like I was at the end of my tether and wanted to strap dd in her car seat (so that she was in a safe place) and ring someone and say come and get her. My dh works full-time and I have absolutely no extended family/other support, I try to stay strong but today for the first time, I cracked a bit and luckily dh was there to pick up the pieces.

I get how frustrating it is. I cannot do anything with dd on my lap - nothing on the computer, single handed for example, it is as if she wants my absolute undivided attention...sometimes when I have conversations with others, it is as if dd senses that attention is being diverted and she has squeals/babbles really loudly. She seems to get bored with toys (she has several different types), loves to try and eat everything around that she shouldn't (which is obviously typical).

My only saving grace is that dd has naps (although she has dropped the morning one over the past couple of days) but I can usually bank on at least one lengthy one and this literally saves my sanity.

The toddler stage is just around the corner...and it is going to mean time spent at toddler groups. My second dc was an escape artist at these places and you couldn't turn your back for one moment or they would be elsewhere like trying to pull a fire extinguisher off the wall, so no rest there and couldn't hold a proper conversation because they had to be watched.

My patience feels frayed today as you describe and I know there is more to come. I love my dd and wouldn't be without her but I get exactly where you are coming from (I should have added that I am a full-time sahm) and so it is pretty much 24/7 with a bit of light relief provided by dh. I don't want to wish time away (because it is a long way off at the moment) but I can't tell you the relief that pre-school provided when dc2 turned 3 and was able to attend...I think I am going to put dd in at the earliest opportunity even if this means paying, though I bet I will miss her terribly, she is my last dc. For me, the problem is that there is little balance in life (no-one to hand her over to during the day) and terrible sleep deprivation.

On a positive note DD has a beautiful smile and when she smiles things seem a whole lot better x Not sure that this helps, accept to say that you are not alone! If it is getting too much, it might be worth talking to someone about how you feel, I'm going to talk to the health visitor or most likely my GP if I have many more days like today.

Wow, sorry for the epic post!

My 5 month old is like this...also not a great sleeper at all...luckily it’s my 4th (and final!) so I know it will get easier, hopefully sooner rather than later🙏🙏

My DD was like this and still is to an extent at 2. She got a bit better when I went back to work but she still likes to be right next to me at all times, she would crawl into my skin if she could.

I should say though that while the clingyness is still full on she has been an amazing sleeper since about a year old - well she doesn't nap ever but at night she is great.

BoomBoomsCousin - my DD was one of those. A total nightmare baby until I found out (by accident) that what she wanted was to be left on her back on her playmat to chill out from time to time. I'd read a lot of books and blogs during pregnancy which convinced me that all small babies need to be treated like they're still in the womb, and that the answer to crying is always boob, cuddles or boob AND cuddles. But babies are their own unique little people from the start, and I got one who frequently wanted mummy to get the fuck out of her (non-existent) hair!

I had a velcro baby, who found a sling offensive. She screamed more in the sling than anywhere.

I found a jumperoo helped (I left her in there way too long but hey ho) and I also used TV. This was just to get the essentials done - shit / shower / feed my poor toddler.

Velcro baby is now almost 4 and is actually a very well balanced, independent and confident child who still often creeps into my bed at night

DS was like this, until 15 months - he'd scream if he couldn't see me, even if I was in the same room - if something blocked his view He'd have to sleep with his forehead pressed against mine. In the end we put him in nursery for 2 days a week because I could not cope with him 24/7 on me I had nothing left to give the other DC and I couldn't do anything for them with him attached. He didn't like it much. He stopped co-sleeping at about 2 and then took it up again for the entirety for primary school - he was diagnosed with ASD & ADHD at 8 and was not always supported well at school. So I'd drag him in every day and it was shitty and if he needed one of us (but mostly me) to stay with him until he was asleep and then put up with him crawling in with us from 12-5 when he got up, then we did it. He stopped the bedtime issues and coming in with us the week after he finished yr6 - his own choice I miss it sometimes

He's the cuddliest, more demonstrative, loving child - he just couldn't cope with whatever was going on in his head and I was the safest place to be.

Exactly, Considering! I spent months feeling inadequate because of all that pressure to always hold and finding that I didn't seem to be good enough for them lots of the time. I'm less hard on myself now!

Sleep train her. You'll all be happier.

All these posts are really resonating with me. Severe reflux, horrific sleeper and so attached to me it's incredible. Aged 7 he'd still sleep pressed up against me if I let him.

I meant to add I did baby sign language with my DD from about 5.5 months and by 10 months she was using it to communicate with me. It stopped her getting frustrated because she could always tell me if she wanted milk/water/food and avoided frustrated tantrums

Sorry, not many suggestions but as he got older he could express just how much he needed me and I'm actually quite proud that I was there for him, even though I was on my knees for years.

He's the reason I'm not having number 3 though

she screams bloody murder if I put her down even next to me

Tough, she needs to learn to get used to it. Make sure she's okay, fed, not ill etc and then make her sit on the floor or in a play pen for just a few minutes. Go to another room if you need to. Rinse and repeat and she'll get used to it

Ha "sleep train her" unfortunately my son did not agree with sleep "training"
I did everything to help I begged my ds to sleep at least four hours in one go but no it was on his terms.
He eventually started sleeping from 9pm till 6am when he was 15 months old.
He is now a better sleeper than his older sister! She's 10 and wakes for the day at 6.30am. Ds loves his lie on with me unless dd wakes him!

My DD who is now 14 was and is still very attached to me. She was v colicky as a baby, at the Mums and tots groups she would be wrapped around my ankles whilst the other babies played. She cried every night when she started school, it didn’t stop until Easter.
I know it’s really tough but in the end I had to embrace it, except it was an intrinsic part of her personality also.
We have a wonderful relationship, she’s become much more out going and confident and I look back on those early years, primary school when she always wanted to be glued to me with joy

My 6 month old DD is the same except she hates slings and her swing. I have a sling graveyard in the hall which I must sell at some point. She had a rough start with an undiagnosed tongue tie and still struggles to feed and is a crap sleeper, bless her, both day and night. I'm about to go back to work but am still up 4 times a night with her and she only has 2 x 10 min naps in the day unless I push her in her pram. I'm hoping it gets easier as she crawls as it's wearing to eat and wee and shower whilst being cried at.

I had this, after a fairly chilled Ds. She slept in our bed every night until.she was 6. I hated it. I wore her in. A sling, but hated how miserable and clingy she was. She wore me down. Ignore people who.say you need to train her, some babies just resist training. To be honest, she's fairly resistant to training now. She's highly strung, prone to tantrums and I suspect hfa or passengers, due her anxiety and need for control.

However.

She's my absolute biggest champion and best little mate and she's really good at playing with my hair. So yes, it's horrific now, but it does get better.

And every kids' party we ever went to, I had to praise her off me. She still sees her arse if I go out- but that doesn't stop me. In fact, the only thing she's scared off is me leaving her, which makes punishment for bad behaviour a little tricky.