To ask how I should deal with my extremely horrific baby

[JumpOfACliff]

ok she isnt the devil incarnated but sometimes i literally want to jump off a cliff. She is so so clingy. she screams bloody murder if I put her down even next to me. Shes a crap sleeper at night and during the day though is improving a little with naps.

its utterly exhausting and im running out of patience. Today i was completing a job application and she just pressed a button and I lost it all. I was so fucking pissed off. She wont play on the floor next to me with her toys. She just wants to be held and even then shes still maoning. My arms are constantly aching. My back hurts from lugging her around everywhere and doing every single thing with her in my arms - cooking, cleaning, everything with her in my arms.

Im at my wits end and cannot take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the other babies in our nct group was like this. She is a very confident and independent girl who didn't look back going through the school gates on her first day. It will get better (she was better at about 2) It's so tough though, I think you need some more support, can you speak to your HV and tell them how you're feeling?
I would also suggest going to a sling library and getting fitted with a sling that fits you well, they can be really comfy if you find the right one, I've had 2 huge babies and have carried them until 18m.

A sling shouldn't hurt your back, it may be the wrong one for you or you
Could be wearing it in a better way. Could you visit a sling library to get advice? What type are you using?

I had exactly the same issue. It gets easier, o promise

Oh bless you. I could have written your post yesterday! (Except it was my 10 month old son throwing solicitors papers on the floor from my house purchase). He is such a high needs Velcro baby, he fusses all the time, constantly wants to be held by me. He has about 10,000 toys but I can get nothing done with him around because he just whinges and fusses round me! Very easily bored. We go out most days together and i put him 3 hours a week with a childminder so I can get some stuff done! Or wait until he can spend some time with my parents. I keep trying to tell myself it's the sign of a good bond...!

I bought every sling going but it did not help the fact that I wanted to cook dinner/empty the bins/drink tea without my bloody DS clung to me. I could not bear the screaming either. I was an anxious mess with no sleep and a constantly ill and grumpy baby (and an older toddler too)

Just know it gets better. It does. My 4yo is now an amazing sleeper and has been since 18 months. I have to wake him at 8am. He screams less but he's still gets ultra cross sometimes....sadly the baby rage was actually just his nature...

Agree with GreenEggs. Slings/carriers can be brilliant. But I am absolutely minuscule (5 foot, 6 stone), and my DC (Velcro babies) were 11lb. No way was I going to be lugging them around. They are almost grown up now, and have not suffered from being put down for a bit when they were little. That said, I still remember weeing in their potty in the kitchen, because I just couldn't face climbing the stairs for a wee while holding two babies and with a toddler attached to my leg (no downstairs loo).

It does pass, honestly.

I had TWINS like this! I used to say that if they could crawl back up inside me they would! And things like 'why oh why did they split in half!'

Friends kids would happily play in a sand pit. Mine just wanted to sit/crawl/climb all over me.

We got married when they were 10 months old. They screamed so much when they saw me standing at the front, about to say my vows, they had to be removed! I can't remember much of that part of my wedding!

Sympathies op. It will pass. You sound exhausted. I hope you have good support

My DD is younger than yours (6 months) but is similar. Especially with naps it’s feed to sleep and then she naps on me!

I know everyone suggests slings but inside the house I just couldn’t stand it. I don’t know how anyone manages to get anything done.

Has a physical issue been ruled out? My DD was terrible when I was still eating dairy and it turns out she’s likely to have a allergy. Now she will be put down and play in her jumperoo/ playmat for a while.

Don’t feel guilty putting her in front of Peppa Pig if you need to get things done! Or just have a cup of tea without a baby attached to you. It’s why it was invented.

This brings back memories. DS was like this - very clingy and did not like to be in a different room to me. I'd be walking down the street with an empty pram, holding a baby who deemed the pram too far away from me. Constantly wanting to climb all over me and sit on my lap. I am a lone parent and it used to drive me up the wall! I moved house and trying to pack/unpack was a nightmare because he wanted me to carry him all the time.

14 years later....I'm not even allowed to hug DS now and he goes into room for hours on end and won't even walk next to me in the street (always a few steps in front)!!

Another one echoing the check for intolerances/reflux etc - two of my babies were effected and very grumpy because of it!

Ooh yeh my clingy baby had multiple allergies forgot to mention that

Slings - until an earlier thread today I had no idea of the wide range of sling styles, or that there are sling libraries! Every day is a school day!

My baby was very clingy and wouldn't play on her own/let me out of her sight. She's now an extremely independent 19 year old who lives 400 miles away from me at uni and rarely comes home.
Probably not helpful but it does pass!

I tried loads of baby carriers and hated them all till I got the Ergo 360 - my ten month old goes in forward facing and I can get a few things done and give my arms a rest. It's not ideal but has been a life saver when mines been clingy. They're expensive but you can get them on eBay for half price in less popular colours. A jumperoo has also been useful to occupy him for a few minutes.

My DD was like this. It got a bit better when she was mobile - more interesting stuff to wreck/investigate, which probably won’t be too long for you now.

My friend babysat for me for a couple of hours when DD was this age. She later confessed she had thought the problem lay with me. Apparently DD screamed the place down every time she attempted to remove her from her lap! 😁

I have a clingy boy. Everyone gave me a heap of well meant advice which just made me so mad. He was in my arms for the first 9 months. At all times. He fed hourly everytime we were together until 17 months. Honestly going back to work was a big saviour for me, I actually appreciated the time I got to spend with him and miss him.
He never ever babbled (just constantly moaned and whinged) until 10 months when he started talking. Him being able to communicate his needs to me made things so much easier.
He also dropped to 1 nap at 10/11 months and that made things easier, I no longer had to spend 5 hours a day trying to get him to nap because he was actually tired. At 17 months I weaned (with no tears) and he has slept through the night ever since. At 20 months he started self settling in his bed which is an absolute dream.

Hes just turned 2 and I am obsessed with him, he talks to me all day long and is so funny. He confidently runs into nursery (after screaming at drop off for a whole year). He sleeps all night. He has never had a tantrum. He still fidgets and never sits still and still likes to be held a good 3/4 hours a day. However he says "nice cuddle please mummy" instead of moaning at me.

You are in the thick of it, it's super tough having a clingy baby which doesnt sleep but it gets so much better.

My first was like this and it’s absolutely soul destroying. I don’t have any advice but sometimes knowing you’re not alone helps? Get a break whenever you can. Lower your standards on pretty much everything and just try and survive it. It does end and it improves when they get more mobile.

I can't remember much about it now but DS would only sleep on me for naps, we ended up co-sleeping on advice of HV, bought a sling /carrier (he hated it and screamed when in it), fought sleep (still not the best at going to bed) but it does get better. A godsend for me was the Babybjorn rocker - he used to tire himself out in it and fall asleep for a short nap every now and then, and walking a lot (he also liked being in the pram as long as he could see me)

Mine was the same. Hardest thing I’ve ever done getting through the first year. She’s eight now and still doesn’t sleep much, never stops moving and has wild mood swings. She has ADHD and is, mostly, lovely, caring and bubbly. I was blessed second time with a calm thumb sucker. At almost seven she is now the clingy one, but at least she can stay still when cuddling and, still, sucking her thumb.

9-12m was peak separation anxiety age here. Very very draining. X

There is no way I could carry a 10mo all day every day. And what happens when you are trying to cook or shower or clean cat litter etc.? OP, you can only do what you can--you will have to accept that your baby will have to cry a bit sometimes if you want to preserve your mental health and sanity. Babies are not so psychologically fragile that crying for a few minutes while you shower is going to break them. I found this age was very bad for separation anxiety, but it does get better quite soon.

Yes can totally relate
My ds is 7 now and although he can still be hard work, hes a happy affectionate funny character.
He didn't sleep during the day EVER.
He cried if I dared to answer the phone, have a conversation with another adult or drink a cup of tea!
I had pnd and honestly wanted to run away. It's so tough and no one prepares you for it. It didn't help that my older dd was a dream baby, toddler and now an amazing 10 year old. I thought I broke my ds!

My daughter was like this. Very high need baby. She's the least high need child ever. Independent. Practical. Kind and helpful. She's a complete and total joy.

My son was the easiest baby ever. Chilled and happy (not very good at breastfeeding but hey ho). He is now high maintenance and has a few special needs.

So don't make any diagnoses yet - but know that it won't be like this forever.

It is hard.
It is their age. Developmentally between 8 - 10 moths they realise they are separate from you. Before that they don’t have that understanding.
It passes but do encourage them to have a few minutes playing on their own, start off playing then withdraw and gradually increase the time. Also hide toys away for a fortnight. They forget then get more interested like they are new.
I did use a sling for a while but not really at 10 months as mine were all walking by then. One was two heavy.

I feel your pain.
We found controlled crying worked for us but you have to be determined and strict otherwise there's no chance it'll work.

The relentlessness is bloody awful.

It does get better eventually

XMy friend had a baby like this. He was hell on earth until he was mobile then he was fine. We concluded he just didn't like being a baby. This too will pass, OP.