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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to say no to coworker?

130 replies

ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 20:53

One of the ladies on another shift has asked me to cover her weekend in October as she has a wedding to go to. She cant get time off because someone else already has that particular weekend off.

She has asked me to swap but I really dont want to. I wont get paid extra and have to rely on her to work one of my weekends in return. I just dont want to deal with the hassle.

How can I tell her no without sounding nasty?

OP posts:
AWishForWingsThatWork · 10/01/2019 22:26

Based on OP's updates about where she works, what she does, and the fact that it would be 8 12-hour shifts in a row, it is absolutely not unreasonable for her to refuse to do them. Just not sensible.

Some horrible posters on here.

Rudgie47 · 10/01/2019 22:26

Just say it doesn't work for you, sorry you cant do it.
Let her ask someone else or just not go to the wedding. That's life.
I wouldn't want to work 8 days on the trot like that either.The wedding is not your problem.

If it was a life or death issue, like a parent who was dying etc, I'd do it but not for a wedding.

Ethel36 · 10/01/2019 22:27

Actually I think the truth is fine in this situation. Just say Im sorry but I cant physically work eight days in a row. Thats a good enough reason.

RomanyRoots · 10/01/2019 22:30

Gosh, I would. You never know when you will need cover and it's a nice thing to do for someone.

Kahlua4me · 10/01/2019 22:37

Could she do the first 2 shifts of your run so that you are not working 8 in a row?

Rudgie47 · 10/01/2019 22:39

I'd suggest that that she rings in sick instead as long as she hasn't been asking other people already to swap.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/01/2019 22:41

I'd suggest that that she rings in sick instead as long as she hasn't been asking other people already to swap.

You'd actively encourage someone to lie?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/01/2019 22:44

OP - Don't know if anyone's said this before but it's illegal not to have one day off in 7, so just remind her of this fact.

PinkPanther38 · 10/01/2019 22:49

This is why people on this website drive me mad, FFS how hard is it to put all of the information in the first post? It's not like it's a long story!!

"Dear Mumsnet,

My colleague has asked if I will work a weekend for them in October but I don't want to. AIBU to say no?"

Yes YABU

---------

"Dear Mumsnet,

My colleague has asked if I will work a weekend for them in October but I don't want to because it'll mean I'm working 8 12-hour shifts in a row. AIBU to say no?"

No YANBU

Rudgie47 · 10/01/2019 22:55

You'd actively encourage someone to lie? You do what you have to do in this life. Something like that wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Yabbers · 10/01/2019 22:57

@PinkPanther38

Exactly. Rather ridiculous drip feed.

OP, I would have thought due to the nature of the work, 8 12 hour shifts in a row would be against the rules. Probably why it’s uncommon.

You seem well capable of making an argument here as to why you won’t do it, can’t see why you struggle to say no to them?

HaveAnotherCuppa · 10/01/2019 22:58

Presumably she's already tried to book the shifts off, though. So they would probably know she isn't actually sick.
I would imagine it would bother you a little to work short in what sounds like a hard job.

justilou1 · 10/01/2019 23:06

Hell to the no. It's not safe. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Especially if she's unwilling to swap out first.

PixiKitKat · 10/01/2019 23:07

I struggled just doing 5 days of 8hours overnight in a sweaty warehouse. I quit after 3 weeks when I got a better job.

I'd refuse to do 8 in a row! I found I had no useful time as it was spent trying to sleep then have food then nap again before going to work. It made me really grumpy!

PositivelyPERF · 10/01/2019 23:30

I worked 12 hour shifts in the health service and we weren’t permitted to work more than 5 nights in a row, because of safety concerns. You just have to tell her you couldn’t physically manage it, on top of other commitments.

He11y · 11/01/2019 03:19

The people saying you can’t work more than so many days in a row need to read the OP’s responses! They’ve quite clearly said, at least once, the switch from day to night shifts is a 24 hour gap and therefore counts as a break! No point talking about UK employment law either!

OP - How long a break would you have after the 8 days before starting the next stretch? If it’s just a couple of days and you don’t ever require swaps, then just say no and be honest about why. If you tend to require swaps then I’d possibly do it anyway to be honest.

Claudia1980 · 11/01/2019 04:13

I’d get a different job!

DarkArts · 11/01/2019 05:13

8 nights in a row! Yanbu, I do a maximum of 4 (and am fucking knackered). I would be looking for another job.

HoraceCope · 11/01/2019 05:46

Why can't she just book holiday?
and say No

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 11/01/2019 05:51

I really don’t understand. She wants to swap a weekend shift with you. That’s all. Why would you need or expect to be paid extra and why is it a big deal for her to work one of your weekend shifts in return? Confused

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 11/01/2019 05:52

Just seen it’s a long thread, sorry. Will read it.

Apple103 · 11/01/2019 06:36

Are you even allowed to work 8 nights in a row OP? If not then you have a good reason. Even if its allowed, it sounds exhausting and you are perfectly entitled to say no. Its not like it's a sedentary, 8-5 job.

Devilishpyjamas · 11/01/2019 06:45

So without the swap you are doing 6 shifts in a row? Why so many?

How many people work where you are - presumably someone will swap.,

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 11/01/2019 06:50

LanaLily11

Did your co-worker agree beforehand then change her mind? Because if so that’s crap of her.

I don’t think OP is being unreasonable, it sounds like it would be dangerous to do this job for 12 hours, 8 days on the trot.

BigChocFrenzy · 11/01/2019 06:51

YANBU

8 x 12-hour shifts would wreck you 🤯

Just tell her this - it would be grossly BU to expect you to do this.

I'm shocked if you have to do even 5-6 x 12 hrs in a row;
that kind of hard, uncomfortable very physical work is far more exhausting than officework or retail.