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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to say no to coworker?

130 replies

ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 20:53

One of the ladies on another shift has asked me to cover her weekend in October as she has a wedding to go to. She cant get time off because someone else already has that particular weekend off.

She has asked me to swap but I really dont want to. I wont get paid extra and have to rely on her to work one of my weekends in return. I just dont want to deal with the hassle.

How can I tell her no without sounding nasty?

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 10/01/2019 21:07

YABU. It’s not until October ! Surely you can do her this small favour? You sound really unkind.

jessstan2 · 10/01/2019 21:08

I don't see why it is such a big thing, I'd not think twice about doing that for a colleague. It goes without saying she would do it for you. Be nice!

GwenCooper81 · 10/01/2019 21:08

At my work we would swap the 2 shifts straight off.. Or as a thank you to the 'helper' they could just take the shifts as extra (equalling more money). I know you don't want to work but it's a nice thing to do. Have you never needed a swap?.

Munchyseeds · 10/01/2019 21:08

Have to say I'm glad I don't work with you.. . Would it really be such a big deal to swap a weekend??

Ballbags · 10/01/2019 21:09

Has no-one ever asked you to swap before? Seems a pretty mean thing to not help out your colleagues from time to time.

Pachyderm1 · 10/01/2019 21:10

I would just do it. It’s so far away and for something important. You would want someone to show the same kindness to you.

ThatsNotNiceRoger · 10/01/2019 21:12

It’s one weekend 9 months away, why wouldn’t you? Organise the weekend she’ll do for you.

Angrybird345 · 10/01/2019 21:14

Just swap a weekend before you do the favour for her!

Original poster
ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 21:14

I work 12 hour shifts in a hot, dirty steelworks, these will be a nightshift. If I do the shifts then that will mean I work 8 12 hour shifts in a row. That is the reason I am not interested. We are able to see our years roster at the start of the year.

For those saying I might need a favour, true but I have missed plenty of things because of my roster. That's part of shift work life

OP posts:
LeggyLinda · 10/01/2019 21:14

I’ve worked shifts in the past - it can be a right pain. But it is made easier when people agree to help each other out.

If you haven’t got anything else planned I would do the favour if I were you - it’s always good to be owed a shift in this circumstance.

But as your AIBU is to do with how to say no, then just say you’re busy that weekend, would love to help but have other commitments.

Justgivemesomepeace · 10/01/2019 21:14

I'd do it. I work weekends and it's really hard to get holidays. We are always swapping shifts with each other and everyone helps where they can, as we all know how hard it is to have a life and work weekends. Don't be mean.

Outherelivingmybestlife · 10/01/2019 21:15

I can't see how it's that much of a hassle. I hope you don't ever need to swap shifts seeing as you're not happy to help others out.

Andylion · 10/01/2019 21:16

What is the setup regarding scheduling. If we swap weekends/evenings the person requesting the swap emails our supervisor and ccs the swapper. You need to have agreed on which dates though.

Once this has been done, it is no longer your weekend. Can you do that?

It is nice to be able to rely on coworkers to return the favour.

SuziQ10 · 10/01/2019 21:17

Personally I'd do it - so long as she worked mine the week before or something similar. It's not till October. And it's a one off.

If you really don't want to do it / don't want to help her out then tell her now, don't string it along.

MichonnesBBF · 10/01/2019 21:17

From the 8 shifts in a row cant she cover some of them?

l0v3f00d · 10/01/2019 21:17

YABU - lets hope you don't ever need a shift swap

Andylion · 10/01/2019 21:18

Ok, just saw your update, OP. Tell your coworker that you don't want to work 8 shifts in a row. YANBU.

Original poster
ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 21:19

No she cant cover some of the 8 unfortunately

OP posts:
pfwow · 10/01/2019 21:20

8 shifts in a row? YANBU at all.

3luckystars · 10/01/2019 21:20

Could you do one night and someone else does another, and she ca pay you both back a shift each.

I thought swaps were fairly common in all shift work environment. Have you ever thought of asking for one yourself?

Tillytrotter123 · 10/01/2019 21:20

I understand where you are coming from. If I swap a shift at work it often means working 7 days in a row but then a bigger break another time, it can be tiring. If you don’t want to do it just say you can’t. There are a few people in my office who will never swap shifts, but at the same time nobody will ever help them now.

It swings in roundabouts, if you won’t ever need their help then just say you’re busy.

Palaver1 · 10/01/2019 21:20

Wow what a mean spirited person

Onestep2 · 10/01/2019 21:22

YABU. I'm glad I don't work with you. I work shifts and cover a 24 hour on call roster and I'm always all for helping someone out if needed and would expect my co-workers to do the same for me

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 10/01/2019 21:25

It is not being "mean spirited" or unreasonable to not want to do 8 12 hour shifts in a row.

I used to do long days, and if I had 2 or 3 together (the most they would allow us to do in a row) I was so late getting home that that was 3 days not seeing my children other than asleep in their beds.

Doing 8 in a row is crazy and just asking for mistakes to be made due to tiredness.

katseyes7 · 10/01/2019 21:26

Years ago, one of my colleagues (who l didn't particularly like, or get on with) offered to work my shift so l could have the evening at home because my dog was being put to sleep the next day. She wasn't even an animal person, but she was kind enough to offer.
You've got nine months notice. Ask her to work your shift before the one she wants you to work for her. You never know when you might need a favour in return.

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