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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to say no to coworker?

130 replies

ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 20:53

One of the ladies on another shift has asked me to cover her weekend in October as she has a wedding to go to. She cant get time off because someone else already has that particular weekend off.

She has asked me to swap but I really dont want to. I wont get paid extra and have to rely on her to work one of my weekends in return. I just dont want to deal with the hassle.

How can I tell her no without sounding nasty?

OP posts:
BubonicWoman · 10/01/2019 21:27

It's easy for posters to say yabu when they have never worked a shift system
I workout similar for years. 12 hour shifts night and days and a rolling rota so you could work out time off a year ahead
Leave and days off were built into it. I never swopped. I arranged holidays on my time off and missed events if I was working
A swipe meant the system didn't work and you had to do a ridiculous amount of shifts in one go
It was a pain for those who wanted 2 weeks off together because a week was built into the shift but not two weeks
On our system you couldn't do a straight swop because the person may not be off on one of your weeks so a different person had to cover
It only worked without any swops
So OP yanbu

HaveAnotherCuppa · 10/01/2019 21:27

I would do it without a moments thought. You may need her to swap a weekend for you one day, and it's just a nice thing to do. October weekends are normally horrible, so swap for one in July/August when the weather is nice!

puzzledlady · 10/01/2019 21:27

just say no - there is no 'nice' way to say it, and whatever the outcome, she will think your nasty. I hope you never have to swap a shift with her - be prepared for some awkwardness at work after you say no. And yes, ive worked shifts before so i understand. Still, kindness goes a long way sometimes .......

Original poster
ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 21:29

There probably will be a time in the future when I need a favour, however if I haven't booked it off then I dont have it off. I am missing a friends wedding earlier this year for that reason. Shift swaps are fairly uncommon where I work. If I sound rude I apologize but I have just finished a 12 hour nightshift i spent lifting hot heavy things. Something I dont want to do 8 of.

OP posts:
HaveAnotherCuppa · 10/01/2019 21:30

BubonicWoman The OP does say she was unable to get that weekend off. It's not like she'd left it to the last minute!
I work a shift system, and I think she is being slightly unreasonable. It's for a special occasion, is (probably) just a one-off swap (unless this co-worker is always swapping weekends of course), and will make co-worker more likely to do a favour later on if OP needs it.

Miggeldy · 10/01/2019 21:31

Only do it if she will return the favour and do a weekend for you, before this wedding.

OnlyaMan · 10/01/2019 21:31

Before I retired, I was asked to swap a shift so that a colleague could attend an important interview. I agreed, though it was not an easy swap.
She said "Is that OK?"
I replied "No it is not. But that is what friends are for"
Sadly, the interview did not work out.
But I would not change anything.

Gigglebrain · 10/01/2019 21:31

Don’t be a bitch. If you can be kind, then be kind..

HeathRobinson · 10/01/2019 21:32

8 x 12 hour shifts in a row - that'd be a no from me. It sounds like it could be dangerous as you'd be so tired.

The only way to arrange it would be for her to organise a massive swap around with different people so that you only work the normal amount of 12 hour shifts in a row. And for that to be guaranteed by whatever works system you have.

user1483992574 · 10/01/2019 21:32

Yanbu, my work is also a miserable existence, don’t want any change in my routine as I get really down , I would stress about this for months . Don’t think some have worked in a physical environment and have ‘ cosy ‘ jobs.

honorariam · 10/01/2019 21:32

If you're finishing a 12 hour shift at 9:30pm, surely that makes it a day shift not a night shift?

You started at 9:30 this morning?

Original poster
ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 21:33

Gigglebrain that's rich... talking about being kind as you call me a bitch. If I work the extra shifts I will have 2 days to cook meals for the week, do washing, walk the dogs, clean the house and have some down time

OP posts:
HaveAnotherCuppa · 10/01/2019 21:33

If you don't want to do it, then tell her as soon as possible so she can ask somebody else.
A simple "That doesn't work for me" would be fine, although short and possibly come across as rude. Don't make up an event or excuse.

Original poster
ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 21:34

Honorarium it is currently 8am where I live.

OP posts:
HaveAnotherCuppa · 10/01/2019 21:34

honorariam not everybody is on UK time.

HeathRobinson · 10/01/2019 21:34

It sounds like a lot of people have never worked a shift system or worked in a factory.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 10/01/2019 21:34

Not wanting to do 8 12 hour shifts in a row is not unkind, it is bloody sensible.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 10/01/2019 21:35

do it. maybe it might be a help in the future. Community is the new Buddha

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2019 21:38

Why can't she work one of the shifts within the 8 shifts in a row?

Where I worked, you weren't allowed to work 8 days in a row no matter what. It was considered a health and safety issue and I worked in an office!

Lalliella · 10/01/2019 21:41

*Gigglebrain there are bitches on this thread, but the OP isn’t one of them. Wind your neck in.

OP YANBU. Say to your co-worker exactly what you’ve said to us - it would mean 8 12 hour shifts in a row which you don’t really feel is something you can cope with with everything else in your life. It’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Original poster
ChocolateToffee · 10/01/2019 21:42

Because of the way the roster is, if she worked one of the 8 she would be doing a 24 hour shift. Which is impossible. When we change from dayshift to nightshift that is counted as 24 hours away from work

OP posts:
lostelephant · 10/01/2019 21:43

I would love to see some of these people calling you unreasonable or mean work eight 12 hour shifts in a row without complaining Grin

YANBU at all, like you have said missing events is just one of the downsides of shift work.

Orchidflower1 · 10/01/2019 21:46

Tbh Op I was coming on her to say yabu but having read your updates- FYI it would have been useful for a more informed decision to put the shift pattern and job in op- you may have not been flamed as much.
However given the nature of your job and that the colleague wanting to swop with you can’t break up your week before the proposed swop I don’t think it’s s priblem saying no, it’s too much doing the shift plus extra.
Insidentally why can’t the colleague swop a shift in your week to break it up for you thereby allowing you to swop? Eg 3 shifts then 5? If I was the one wanted to swop - I’d be the one doing the leg work.

Orchidflower1 · 10/01/2019 21:48

Sorry op x post ( slow tyour) I see you’ve posted about the shifts prior to the date.just a no then.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/01/2019 21:48

I thought you were being a bit unkind until I realised this was shift work.

I've worked silly periods of night shifts before. We had a very complicated rota - many years ago, but it was something like one day on, two days off, three days on etc - you get the general drift - and it went on until you were working 10 nights in a row (nothing as potentially dangerous as factory work though). It was AWFUL. As that long period of nights approached, you began to dread it, and by half way through you had to force yourself to go it. I've found myself crying with sheer exhaustion towards he last couple of mights - and psychologically its horrendous. You really start to develop a phobia about it, and that's not an exaggeration.

If you feel it will be too much for you, don't do it.