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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIB passive aggressive.... And unreasonable?!

71 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 10/01/2019 15:40

I live with 2 housemates in a house which I own. All in early - late 20s

Me and girl A work full time. Girl B is a little younger, working ad hoc, doesn't pay towards rent or bills. All fine, she's a friend.

Girls B had her partner over last night. Girl A and I returned from work and started cooking and cleaning the house. We cooked food for everyone, washed up, cleaned and then made up lunches. Girl B didn't get up or offer to help. Her and her DP were sat taking up the livingroom using Netflix (my personal account).

After Girl A and I finished by 9pm to sit down, girl B and her DP put a film on my Netflix, which I didn't like so me and Girl A went upstairs to watch TV in her room. We went downstairs later and Girl B had gone to bed with DP, left the lights on, left the door unlocked and left a mess.

I woke up this morning for work, knew that Girl B would be at home today probably sat about with DP.... Was I being unreasonable to log out of my Netflix account before I left the house this morning without saying anything....

OP posts:

RuggerHug · 10/01/2019 15:41

Why is she living there rent free and getting away with this?
Get her out.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 10/01/2019 15:42

Why is she being allowed to freeload like this? I'd log out and change my password.

DingDongDenny · 10/01/2019 15:42

YABU - To not make her pay rent, tidy up after herself, cook for herself She is taking the piss big time. Why are you being such a mug?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/01/2019 15:43

I have often wondered what it is like living with royalty.

blueskiespls · 10/01/2019 15:43

Of course you aren't BU. Personally I couldn't live like this. If she's not contributing towards bills she should be doing other things to make up for being there. Is it temporary? I know you said she's a friend but still...

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/01/2019 15:43

Why is she not paying any rent or bills? That's just giving her license to sit on her arse and do bugger all.

You know you're not being unreasonable. But you are being taken for a mug.

ISmellBabies · 10/01/2019 15:44

Why the fuck is she living there rent free? Is she a relative? Get her out you total mug (I mean that nicely)!

Bloomcounty · 10/01/2019 15:44

Good gravy, you have to ask? Sheesh. Kick her out!

Hanab · 10/01/2019 15:44

Please read your post from a readers perspective..

MrsMoastyToasty · 10/01/2019 15:45

You're her landlord. Act like one. No rent, no residence. End of.

Original poster

LittleMissUnreasonable · 10/01/2019 15:46

Thanks everyone, we've agreed she pays rent when she gets a full time job, she's just been laid off a month ago due to it being temp work. I agree it's not making much of an insentive. She lived away for a while and went through a hard time (bad situation but outing to say what) so this is more of a goodwill gesture

OP posts:

RayRayBidet · 10/01/2019 15:46

She's a CF.

User758172 · 10/01/2019 15:46

Seriously, why is she being subsidised by you two? Get her out ASAP. I highly doubt your other housemate is on board with this. She’s not a friend, she’s a user.

Original poster

LittleMissUnreasonable · 10/01/2019 15:47

Girl A and Girl B are related, both are friends of mine. Sorry to drip feed!

OP posts:

lostelephant · 10/01/2019 15:47

Yes this is passive aggressive but definitely not unreasonable.

Atalune · 10/01/2019 15:49

Well the sister/relative and you have to have a frank conversation about this or it will fester and won’t work.

Logging out was petty! But I like it

shpoot · 10/01/2019 15:51

Just tell her and charge her rent or she leaves!

Soph88 · 10/01/2019 15:53

Cooking for everyone - your choice you can't be annoyed, don't cook for her if you don't want to.
Cleaning up- did you ask her to help? She is obviously a CF but she might be completely blind to it and you saying 'girl b can you help clean please?' Might have meant she got up.
Leaving the lights on, mess and door open is not on.
I do think you need to have a chat. If you are happy for her to live there rent free that is your business but if you expect her to clean for her keep you need to tell her. Some people are really self absorbed and need stuff like that pointed out to them.
Yes she is a CF but you need to set expectations. Communicate with her don't be passive aggressive.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 10/01/2019 15:54

Yes, it's passive aggressive and probably won't do anything other than piss her off.

You should just tell her she's taking advantage and needs to pull her weight around the house. You're doing her a massive favour by allowing her to live rent free - the least she can do is tidy up after herself and make a fair contribution towards the cooking.

BlueJava · 10/01/2019 15:56

It's not passive agressive to log yourself out of your account, not is it unreasonable - it's sensible. However, you are a mug for putting up with it, she's also bordering on CFery.

MartaHallard · 10/01/2019 15:56

She should at least be doing her fair share of cleaning and tidying. And how often is her DP there, taking up space and using your heat, light, water etc? And if he's a partner, rather than just a boyfriend, why can't she stay with him?

swingofthings · 10/01/2019 15:59

You're not unreasonable to be angry but you are not dealing with the situation reasonably. You've let her get away with murder. That was your choice out of kindness but it left taking it for granted making it normality. Then you suddenly do somethokg behind her back that she will just see as being vindictive.

The mature way to do things is to ask her to sit down and explained that you were unhappy about the situation and that it made you realise that unless there are ground rules agreed, the relationship is going to collapse unpleasantly for everyone. Discuss and agree what rules would be reasonable for everyone.

Combineharvester · 10/01/2019 15:59

Hi, it’s really nice that you’re helping her out during a (hopefully brief) period of unemployment. Perhaps you could say that in exchange for free rent she should do the cleaning. It’d be an hour or two each day and that would be more than justified in order to keep her free rent deal.

MoaningSickness · 10/01/2019 16:00

Communicate with her don't be passive aggressive.

This is the golden rule for living with people. Basically, you realisedshe was doing things that annoyed you, but instead of saying something so she had chance to rectify, you've done something to annoy her. That will just escalate the situation.

Next time, ask for help with dinner/clearing up. If you come in and they've put a movie on your Netflix, say, 'sorry I don't want to watch this.'

MrsTerryPratcett · 10/01/2019 16:02

It's nice to help out. In return she should be ding more. She's doing nothing. That's why she's U.

Talk to her about the rent and the cooking, cleaning, Netflix.

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