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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIB passive aggressive.... And unreasonable?!

71 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 10/01/2019 15:40

I live with 2 housemates in a house which I own. All in early - late 20s

Me and girl A work full time. Girl B is a little younger, working ad hoc, doesn't pay towards rent or bills. All fine, she's a friend.

Girls B had her partner over last night. Girl A and I returned from work and started cooking and cleaning the house. We cooked food for everyone, washed up, cleaned and then made up lunches. Girl B didn't get up or offer to help. Her and her DP were sat taking up the livingroom using Netflix (my personal account).

After Girl A and I finished by 9pm to sit down, girl B and her DP put a film on my Netflix, which I didn't like so me and Girl A went upstairs to watch TV in her room. We went downstairs later and Girl B had gone to bed with DP, left the lights on, left the door unlocked and left a mess.

I woke up this morning for work, knew that Girl B would be at home today probably sat about with DP.... Was I being unreasonable to log out of my Netflix account before I left the house this morning without saying anything....

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 10/01/2019 16:46

So A and B are sisters? Not for you to subsidise B. If you feel obliged then agree that in return she takes on cooking at least 3 nights per week and all cleaning of shared areas.

Janedoughnut · 10/01/2019 16:48

Are the other 2 sisters and the cheeky one the younger one?

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2019 16:51

You and Girl A need to look in the mirror so you can scrub off that 'MUG' that Girl B has written on your foreheads whilst you were sleeping!

I get that Girl B just came through a bad patch. But letting her lay around isn't helping, in fact it's hurting. The best thing for her is to get back into real life. And that means getting a full time job, even if it's at McDs or a retail shop.

It also means pulling her weight. If she can't pay her share in cash, then whilst she's unemployed she should be doing more household jobs 'in lieu of' cash.

You need to talk to Girl A. The both of you need to talk to Girl B. And frankly, I'd tell her that her boyfriend can lounge around and scrounge food elsewhere until she is again a contributing member of the house!

VampirateQueen · 10/01/2019 16:52

To log out was petty, but I do love it. Wish I could see her reaction. If you want to come across less petty, you could tell her that it must have logged out itself. Mine used to log itself out all the time. 😂.

rednsparkley · 10/01/2019 16:52

When I was living with my mates rent free (for a very short space of time) I made sure I was THE BEST housemate in the world. I cleaned, cooked and generally paid my way in a non-financial sense as best I could. She is taking the piss and needs telling!

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/01/2019 16:53

"doesn't pay towards rent or bills. All fine, she's a friend. "

No, it's not fine, it's really not. What this set-up is doing is INFANTALISING Girl B. You and Girl A have become her parents; paying her way for her, feeding her, cleaning up after her!

If you dislike this girl, carry on. But if you genuinely think of her as a friend, then wake the fuck up and wake her the fuck up too. She is out of order to trat you and Girl B this way, and you both need to tell her so.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/01/2019 16:54

treat

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/01/2019 16:55

treat you and Girl A

Oh FFS, incapable of proofreading before posting today.

Original poster

LittleMissUnreasonable · 10/01/2019 16:55

Thank you some very reasonable responses here :) we split the food between the three of us, I'm going to crack down and explain she needs to do a bit more to help out.
As a side note, partner is very very recent as in they've only been together 1 month so she's probably still in a bubble when around him

OP posts:

diddl · 10/01/2019 17:08

Just talk to her about what she could be doing.

Re Netflix-I guess it would have been nice to say something if you've let her use it until now, but it's your account-I'm sure that she'd find something else to do.

Loopytiles · 10/01/2019 17:09

In a bubble paid for by you and her sister!

BaconMaker · 10/01/2019 17:13

It was petty to log out but I would have done it too. I would also have told her she needs to tidy up today while you're at work and I wouldn't cook for her again. She's acting like a 12 year old.

HollowTalk · 10/01/2019 17:18

She can go and be in a bubble at his place, then. It's costing you money, that bloody bubble!

caringcarer · 10/01/2019 17:19

If she can't contribute financially she should be doing all she can around the house and thankful you are not asking her to leave. I would still ask her to make belated larger contribution when she gets another job.

Drum2018 · 10/01/2019 17:21

So you have girl B and a stranger (her boyfriend of a month) effectively scrounging off you. Id knock that on the head asap, tell her to get off her arse and look for proper work instead of sitting in watching Netflix. Tell her you don't want strangers in your house especially when you are not there. And give her an end date to your generosity. Hard times aside she now needs to start making a life for herself and not live off yours.

nicoala1 · 10/01/2019 17:25

Oh dear.

As I said on another thread, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!

She is a lodger and can be kicked out within a few days. If you decide or want to do that.

Set out the rules in an email/letter. NOW. No overnight guests would be the starting point for me. And a contribution to the household bills second or maybe reverse those.

I dislike freeloaders. They have skin like the hide of a rhinocerous.

Up to you to get it sorted. Grow a pair. I would have set out the rules from day one, but I am not you, and as I said, being nice can often come back to bite you.

Best of luck.

bridgetreilly · 10/01/2019 17:25

explain she needs to do a bit more to help out.

No, she doesn't need to 'help out'. She needs to take responsibility for doing her fair share.

StarrySky7 · 10/01/2019 18:04

Get rid of her now. I wouldn't even bother having a conversation with her about her pulling her weight because she'll only be cooking/cleaning half-heartedly and resenting you. Why would you want to have someone living with you who doesn't like you?

As for her living with you rent-free...wtf.

willowmelangell · 10/01/2019 18:18

The agreement was for the girl to stay a while, not for her boyfriend.
If she is a good enough friend, then you can have a chat with her about house rules. You only need 3 rules. One each for cooking, cleaning and the bf.

brighteyeowl17 · 10/01/2019 18:45

Paying no rent doesn’t mean stop caring or doing your share in the house?!

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2019 19:23

No, she doesn't need to 'help out'. She needs to take responsibility for doing her fair share.

This!!^^ Please don't use the term 'help out' when you're talking to her. Use the term 'pulling your weight'.

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