Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

752 replies

moanymoaner · 10/01/2019 12:19

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 11/01/2019 12:42

He may not be their biological parent, but he is their father in every other way. While I can understand him being hurt and angry with his wife, to take any action which effectively punishes the boys is unforgiveable. Including airing his anger in public tbh.

Even though he's angry with his wife, he should remember that she helped greatly with the creation of his business too.

This shouldn't be about punishment. That benefits no-one.

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 12:43

No one has said the exw didn't do anything wrong. I think the point people are trying to make is that by his actions he has damaged the relationship he had with the men he brought up as sons for 20 years for the sake of making a point. He cared more about making a point than those relationships. To some people it seems strange that he wouldn't have a strong enough bond having been their dad and loved them as they grew up to avoid causing them hurt. That doesn't mean their mother hasn't hurt them or acted badly.

Weetabixandshreddies · 11/01/2019 12:50

Who knows how this has affected him.mentally and emotionally though? Maybe it is too raw for him to do the "right thing"?

I can't blame him for his reaction. It is the result of deliberate actions taken by his ex wife and so the blame for any upset now lies solely with her, in my view. If she had admitted what she had done at the very start none of this would have happened.

thedancingbear · 11/01/2019 12:54

Who knows how this has affected him.mentally and emotionally though?

Quite. If this was me in his shoes, I would be mentally destroyed, absolutely destroyed. No-one on here seems to give a fuck about the impact it may have had on him.

And I have no issue with it being about punishment, either. From a legal standpoint, and on the presumption that she knew what she was doing at every point, she has committed a £4m fraud.

Loopytiles · 11/01/2019 12:55

No, he chose to pursue his financial interests above the DCs’ interest.

thedancingbear · 11/01/2019 12:56

And with regard to the kids' relationship with their (non-)dad, I think there is a modicum of evidence that the mum/wife is capable of lying/dissembling in a way that could turn the kids against him.

Loopytiles · 11/01/2019 12:56

What happened to him was shit. But that doesn’t IMO excuse him doing things that are, very clearly, to the DCs’ detriment.

thedancingbear · 11/01/2019 12:57

No, he chose to pursue his financial interests above the DCs’ interest.

  1. they're not his DCs. THEY ARE NOT HIS KIDS.
  1. He's actually said he's going to use the money to help them, irresepective.
Weetabixandshreddies · 11/01/2019 12:58

No, he chose to pursue his financial interests above the DCs’ interest.

I don't see it like that. He has spent 20 years being deceived into paying for 3 children that aren't his. Why shouldn't he be able to get at least some of that back?

Should his wife be able to skip happily off into the sunset with a handsome payout, leaving devastation in her wake?

Maybe he feels that he has nothing to lose if the children are siding with their mother.

Sonneedshelp · 11/01/2019 12:59

@Loopytiles such as?

easyandy101 · 11/01/2019 13:04

Pure mumsnet thread

Loopytiles · 11/01/2019 13:21

I didn’t say they were HIS DC, I said “the” DC.

Loopytiles · 11/01/2019 13:22

Such as a legal case that was inevitably going to ignite press interest, and his statements in the media. Compromising the DCs’ privacy.

MartaHallard · 11/01/2019 13:23

Possibly the court case was less about money, and more about getting the mother to tell the truth. She would presumably have had to swear, or make a declaration, that any statement she made to the court was true.

Weetabixandshreddies · 11/01/2019 13:24

Loopytiles

What should he have done in your opinion then?

Loopytiles · 11/01/2019 13:26

Not pursued the legal / financial case.

Sonneedshelp · 11/01/2019 13:28

@Loopytiles but as has been stated many times, she denied that the children weren't his, he knew they weren't so what was he supposed to do?

Forget it? He had to go legal to get her to admit it and take DNA?

How about she could've avoided this by not shagging around and admitting it when caught bang to rights? Imagine if a man wouldn't admit unfaithfulness and the wife had to push to go legal? He would be every bastard under the sun, which is correct and she's some significant bitch.

Sonneedshelp · 11/01/2019 13:29

@Loopytiles is he wrong because he is male?

thedancingbear · 11/01/2019 13:30

I didn’t say they were HIS DC, I said “the” DC

Except (i) they are adults, not 'C'hildren and (ii) they are not related to him and he has no legal or moral responsibility towards them. Those who do are (i) the wife and (ii) the other feller she was banging.

Boysandbuses · 11/01/2019 13:31

Compromising the DCs’ privacy.

she compromised their privacy when she made it only possible to get the truth by following a legal route.

These are her actions and the consquences of her actions.

Dillydallyingthrough · 11/01/2019 13:37

I admit that I haven't read the story in the press.

But this happened to a close friend of mine, years ago. He found out his only child wasn't his, when the child was 20. My friend was heartbroken- he had kept trying to make the marriage work based on the child, she got a bigger payout in their divorce based on she had the child, he paid a substantial amount of child maintenance - all money he could have used to build his own life. He gave up job opportunities abroad based on not wanting to leave the child. If he had known the truth earlier he wouldn't have made these choices, it had an impact across every part of his life.

The mother in this case should be forced to pay the money back and get a criminal conviction.

Weetabixandshreddies · 11/01/2019 13:38

Not pursued the legal / financial case.

Why? Do you pay for other unrelated children to be raised?

Except (i) they are adults, not 'C'hildren and (ii) they are not related to him and he has no legal or moral responsibility towards them. Those who do are (i) the wife and (ii) the other feller she was banging.

Exactly.

These are her actions and the consquences of her actions.

This.

CarolDanvers · 11/01/2019 13:43

When all the men who abandon and refuse to support their blood children are vilified and held to such public account and the women and children they abandon are given so many platforms to express their pain, then I might be able to summon up some outrage about this man. As it is he is reminding very much of my ex who behaved as though marriage and fatherhood had been forced upon him and he was doing us all a massive favour by just being there so didn’t particularly bother to bond with his children.

It’s all about the money for this guy, that and punishing his ex wife. He doesn’t give a shit about the kids he thought were his own for twenty years.

floribunda18 · 11/01/2019 13:43

If they are going to criminalise women for having children outside marriage and lying about it, then this should also apply to men.

Personally I think either scenario would be FUCKING BONKERS.

TootTootPeanutbutter · 11/01/2019 13:44

Unlike your ex though raising another man's children was forced upon him.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.